


It's A Little Bit Funny, This Feeling Inside

by ladstars



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-03-09 20:38:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13489305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladstars/pseuds/ladstars
Summary: Pre-Sense8 by like 2 years. Nomanita relationship from it's beginnings.





	1. First Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> If this gets enough attention i've already written 12,000 words more after this first part

Nomi enters the bookstore, her eyes focused on the shelves in front of her. She hears the woman behind the cash register say a quick hello to her as she’s checking out a customer. Nomi walks straight to the back of the store without acknowledging the store clerk. She’s been to this bookstore many times before, so she knows where she’s going. Nomi also has an idea of what she’s looking for, so this should be a quick in and out trip.

Nomi heads to the travel section. It’s small in this bookstore. Travel is not their ‘specialty’. Nomi looks over their selection and finds something that will be suitable. To be honest, she doesn’t even know why she’s purchasing a book. Nomi takes the book and heads towards the front. She’s stops and look for something for herself, but she should really get back to her apartment and get back to work.

Nomi approaches the counter to pay for the book that she picked out. She eyes the woman behind the counter up and down. The woman has dark skin, dark hair that has dreadlocks of multiple bright colors, and she’s wearing a very festive outfit. A green skirt, from what Nomi can see of it from behind the counter, a plaid green and blue sweater vest, and a headband with shamrocks on it that bounce around with every little movement of the woman’s head.

Amanita spots someone approaching the counter. The bookstore isn’t very busy. It’s early afternoon and the little rush they usually get at lunchtime is over with and now it will be slow until late afternoon when people start getting off from work. She catches the woman eyeing her outfit.

It’s someone Amanita recognizes. A customer that is in the bookstore every couple of weeks. A tall woman with dirty blonde hair and glasses. She’s noticed her in the bookstore before. It’s hard for her not too. Amanita isn’t the type to crush over someone, especially someone she doesn’t even know, but it’s hard for her to remain strictly professional when she sees this particular customer. They’ve had small conversations before. Just run of the mill stuff. Talk of the weather, how the others day was, friendly greetings. That sort of thing but Amanita is always left wanting to know more.

“Happy St. Patrick’s Day!” She smiles toothily at the blonde. “Did you find everything okay today?” She follows up with.

Nomi sets the book down on the counter. “I guess.” She shrugs.

“What do you mean, you guess?” Amanita reaches for the book. She looks at the cover. “Catholic Shrines of Western Europe? Interesting topic.”

“It’s not for me.” Nomi makes sure the bookstore employee knows that. “Not my kind of thing.”

“Glad we cleared that up.” Amanita smiles up at the customer. “May I ask who might be interested in this-“ She waves the book around in the air. “-kind of thing?”

Nomi frowns thinking about who it’s for and then raises an eyebrow at the girl. She wonders why the woman would ask or why she would care. Nomi hardly cares who the book is for herself. “My parents.” She looks away from the bookstore employee. Nomi tends to not give away any personal information to strangers, so she doesn’t know why she told this woman who the book is for. “It’s their anniversary next week and my sister said they want to go to Europe this summer so…” She doesn’t know why she’s revealing all this information. Maybe it’s the holiday. Or maybe she’s losing her mind.

“Cool.” Amanita comments as she scans the barcode.

“Not really.” Nomi mumbles lowly.

Amanita smiles at her customers clear disinterest in the book and/or her parents going to vacation in Europe. She decides to change the subject since this one isn’t going so smoothly. “Got an St. Patrick’s Day plan? Have the day off?”

“No.” Nomi quirks any eyebrow at the clerk. She looks at the girl’s outfit again, her St. Patrick’s Day outfit, getting a glance at the woman’s name tag. Amanita, it reads.

“What about you? Any plans for today?” Nomi doesn’t know why she asks. To be polite mostly, she thinks. Because the clerk’s asked her and she doesn’t want to be rude.

Amanita smiles widely, happy that this woman asked about her plans and that she’s not struggling with a one-sided conversation anymore. “That’ll be $29.95.” She tells her customer.

“Jesus.” Nomi grumbles.

“Yes, exactly.” Amanita grins and leans on the counter with her elbows as she waits for the customer to find the correct amount in her purse. “And I do have plans for St. Patrick’s Day. After my shift, that is. Some friends and I are going out. You should come with.” Amanita nods at the woman.

Nomi stops counting her money and looks over at the clerk, narrowing her eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry. You just said you didn’t have any plans. I didn’t mean to overstep or intrude on your-“

“You don’t know me.” Nomi defends herself, from what she isn’t sure, but she feels like she needs to.

“Sorry, I just. I’ve seen you in here before. You come in here often and I feel like- I feel like- oh nevermind- sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Amanita pushes herself off the counter and stands up straight.

“No, you shouldn’t have.” Nomi hands over thirty dollars to the clerk. She just wants to get back to her apartment.

Amanita takes the money and makes change. The two stands there in silence as Amanita does her job. She puts the receipt in a bag with the book. She holds out the change, the nickel, between her index finger and thumb.

Nomi holds out her left hand, palm up, and Amanita drops the nickel into her palm. Amanita gives the blonde a tight-lipped smile, an apology, and hands over the bag with the purchased book in it.

“Thanks.” Nomi says shortly and turns to exit the bookstore.

“You’re welcome. Come again soon.” Amanita says after her. She doesn’t want this encounter, that took a strange turn in the end, to deter the blonde woman from coming back to the bookstore in the future.

As soon as the door closes, and the blonde is gone, Amanita bends over and rests her head against the countertop. “So dumb.” She bumps her forehead off the counter a few times. “Dumb, dumb, dumb.” She scolds herself. Amanita takes a deep breath and stands up straight again.

“Chad.” She yells. Chad is the only other employee in the bookstore this afternoon.

“Yes.” Chad comes from the far side of the room. He was restocking shelves.

“I’m going on my break. I’ll be back in half an hour.” Amanita needs to get out of the store for a while.

“Okay.” Chad comes around the backside of the counter and Amanita slips out. She goes to the back room to get her bag before leaving the store through the back door.


	2. Strangers?

Nomi hasn’t gone to City Lights in over two weeks. That’s a long time for her. For someone who is a self-proclaimed book nerd, that’s an eternity. Nomi would go elsewhere except that she doesn’t drive and this bookstore is somewhat in her neighborhood. Which means it’s somewhat within walking distance. Which also means she hasn’t been to any bookstore since the last time she came to City Lights. She’s going to have to bite the bullet today though if she wants to get something new to read.

Her last trip to the store was awkward and uncomfortable. When she got back to her apartment that day she felt weird and like maybe she was too hard on the poor clerk that was just trying to be nice to her. She feels like maybe she should have accepted the niceness because there are times when strangers definitely aren’t nice to her. She should be grateful for the times when strangers are nice. She hopes that one clerk isn’t there when she goes in, though, so she can avoid any awkwardness.

Nomi takes a deep breath and pushes the door to the bookstore open and steps inside. She doesn’t see the clerk behind the checkout counter and releases the breath that she didn’t know she was holding. Nomi walks to the far right side of the bookstore, keeping her eye peeled for the clerk she’s hoping to avoid. She doesn’t spot the woman as she comes up to the non-fiction section. Nomi picks a book off the shelf, flips it over and reads the summary on the back.

“Oh, hi.”

Nomi is too focused on the book that she doesn’t notice someone come around the end of the row. She looks up when she hears a voice, wondering if the voice is speaking to her or someone else. When Nomi looks over her left shoulder she sees a woman in skin-tight legging with a wild black and white pattern on them, with a loose fitted top that hangs off one shoulder in a solid red color.

“You came back.” The woman smiles politely. “I was worried that I scared you away.”

Nomi smirks.

The bookstore employee approaches Nomi. “Look, I want to apologize for the last time you were in. I was really excited about St. Patrick’s Day. I get overjoyed about holiday and parties and stuff. I shouldn’t have been so forward with you. I overstepped my bounds and it was unprofessional.” Amanita hopes this apology is enough and it will make up for the awkwardness of their previous encounter.

Nomi nods. “I should probably apologize too. I was in a bad mood. I was irritated that I had to buy a gift for my parent’s anniversary.”

Amanita tilts her head to the side. She thinks that’s a strange thing to be irritated about. She forges on. “Was the book a hit? Something about Europe, right?” She hopes she’s remembering correctly.

Nomi shrugs. “I don’t know.” She looks down at the book in her hands, pausing before looking up and locking eyes with Amanita. “I gave the book to my sister and she gave it to my parents for me. I didn’t go to their anniversary party.” She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “I don’t know why I’m telling a complete stranger all of this crap. Not like you care.”

Amanita considers what the blonde just told her before she comes up with a response. She leans up against the shelve of books to her left. “Well, I obviously don’t know what the deal is with you and your parents, but I can sense that something is going on there just from what you’ve told me.” Amanita pauses and licks her lips. “And- I don’t see us as strangers. I don’t mean- I’m not a psycho or anything- at least I don’t think.”

Nomi chuckles at that.

Amanita smiles and takes that as a good sign. “I’ve just seen you in here before. And strangers doesn’t feel like the right term, to me at least.”

“Seeing someone more than once doesn’t mean we’re not strangers though. In all other sense, we are.” Nomi counters, taking a step backwards, away from the bookstore clerk.

Amanita’s goal here is to get this woman to loosen up around here. Right now it feels like one step forward and two steps back. She felt like she was doing good with the apology and then the little joke she made that got a laugh out of the woman. But the blonde seems adamant on the strangers thing.

Amanita ups the ante. She takes one step towards the woman, closing the distance between them again. Amanita looks up at the blonde with a sweet smile. “Well, we could decide to be not strangers and like hang out sometime.” She offers.

Nomi narrows her eyes at the woman before her.

“Or get coffee. There’s a great coffee shop down the block.” Amanita adds and holds out her hand in greeting. “My name’s Amanita.”

Nomi holds in the laugh that is at the back of her throat. “Yeah, I know.”

Amanita is surprised. “Really?” She wrinkles up her nose.

Nomi points that the bookstore clerks chest. “It’s on your name tag.”

Amanita looks down at said name tag and chuckles. “Right, I forgot.” She drops her hand, that went unshaken, to her side.

Nomi thinks the woman’s little awkward chuckle is the cutest little thing she might have ever heard come from another human being. “That you’re wearing a name tag?”

Amanita looks up and shrugs. “Yeah. Sometimes I forget that I actually work here. Most of the time it doesn’t feel like work. I really like books.”

“Me too.” Nomi admits freely. “You should probably do your job though and quit pestering me.” She says with a little half smirk and turns to look at the shelf of books in front of her and not the bookstore employee.

Amanita smiles. She’ll definitely get back to work. “Is there anything I can help you with-“ She pauses. “-ma’am?”

“Ma’am?” Nomi is offended. She doesn’t think she’s old enough to be called ma’am. “I’m not that old.”

“Well, how old are you?” Amanita asks before she can stop herself. She knows she shouldn’t ask but can’t help it. Not that age matters to her, it’s just a number.

“A lady never reveals her true age. To strangers.” Nomi tells the clerk.

Amanita sighs. “Again with that strangers thing. Knock it off.”

“No.” Nomi says firmly. She glances at the dark-skinned woman briefly. She takes in her appearance again. Nomi doesn’t know the woman, but there’s something that she likes about her. Her relaxed, laid back appearance and attitude, or the vibe that she gives off, maybe. There’s something about the woman that makes Nomi feel at ease. Something that is making her let her guard down and telling this ‘stranger’ things that she wouldn’t tell anybody but a super close friend or her sister.

“And no, I don’t need any help. I know my way around this bookstore.”

“I didn’t say you didn’t. I was just doing my job- like you suggested.” Amanita bites her lip. “Biographies, huh?” She references the section that they are in.

“I like learning things about people. Their lives, their stories.”

Amanita nods. “I like learning things about people too.” She whispers.

They both know Amanita isn’t talking about any of the biographies or autobiographies on the shelves next them. Amanita knows she’s close. So close. She swallows thickly, preparing herself.

Nomi pushes her glasses up until they are snuggly in place on her nose.

“What’s your name, stranger?” Amanita asks quietly. She doesn’t want to speak too loudly and break the little bubble they are in.

Nomi reaches out with her right hand. “Nomi.”

Amanita reaches out and takes the blondes hand. Her long, slender fingers warm in her own palm. A soft but firm handshake Amanita thinks. “A unique name. I like it.” Amanita smiles gently. It’s such a quiet, warm moment.

“Thanks.” Nomi replies. She likes that Amanita likes her name especially since she’s the one who picked it. It’s like that adds extra meaning.

“Could I-“ Amanita starts but doesn’t get to finish her question.

“Amanita?” The manager yells from the back room. “I need your help.” He sounds urgent.

“Uh- shit. Gotta go.” Amanita mumbles, taking one last look at the girl that she finally got the name of. Nomi, she thinks as she turns and hurries to the back room remembering again that she’s at work and has a job to do and can’t just flirt with customers all day. Not that she flirts with customers. Just this particular customer. Amanita reaches the back room and sees her manager, a small man, buried under a pile of books that had been stacked, floor to ceiling, in the corner. “What happened?”

“They fell on me, what does it look like? Help me.” The manager says in irritation.

* * *

It’s about fifteen minutes later and Amanita has finally helped free her manager and put all the books in their proper locations (not in a tall stack in the back room) on the shelves of the store. She looks around the store and her stranger is nowhere to be seen. She sighs and heads to the front, to the cash register. Suddenly, not feeling like working anymore Amanita slumps into the lone chair that sits behind the counter. Chad mans the cash register. He finishes checking out a customer then turns to Amanita; a slip of paper between his index and middle fingers. He holds it out for Amanita to take.

“What’s this?” Amanita asks.

Chad just smiles and shakes his head.

Amanita takes the piece of paper from him. It’s folded in half and she unfolds it and looks at the words that are written there. She has to read them twice before she can believe it. A phone number and three little words.

_Text me. Nomi._

Amanita smiles smugly. She did it, she thinks.


	3. Cafe Talk

They agreed on meeting on a Tuesday afternoon, after Amanita had gotten off work, at half past four, at the cafe down the street from the bookstore.

Amanita has been sitting at a table for about fifteen minutes now. She finished work at four and made her way over. She doesn’t want to admit that she’s nervous, but she is, just a little, just enough to make her heart beat a little faster than its normal pace, and her hands clammy. Amanita wants this meeting to go well. Ultimately, the perfect meeting would end in Amanita asking for a date but she’s not even sure the blonde would go for that.

She checks her phone nearly every minute to see the time. Time seems like it’s hardly moving to Amanita. A few more minutes until four-thirty. Her right leg bounces up and down anxiously as she waits. She thinks maybe she shouldn’t have gotten a coffee, she doesn’t need any caffeine right now.

It’s time. But, Amanita is still sitting at a table for two all by herself. She starts to wonder if Nomi is just late or is ditching her entirely. Five minutes pass. Amanita looks over at the door every time someone enters. Every time it’s not who she wants to see. Eight minutes pass before the door opens and she looks over to see the tall blonde walking through. Subconsciously, a smile forms on her lips.

Nomi looks around the café and spots Amanita sitting at a table in the far corner, furthest from the door, and furthest from the counter. Nomi likes that. Privacy.

She’s late and she knows it. She would have left the apartment on time, but she couldn’t decide on what to wear. Nomi changed her outfit three times before going back to the first outfit she put on, going with her gut feeling. She walks over to the table.

Amanita stands up when Nomi approaches. She not sure why or what she’s going to do next. Awkward. “I thought you were ditching me.” Amanita jokes with a playful smile.

“Oh.” Nomi’s face falls. She’s just late. She didn’t want Amanita to think that she was ditching and didn’t want to meet. “No. I just-“ She doesn’t want to tell Amanita about her indecision when it came to clothing choices. “Sorry, I’m late.”

“It’s alright. You’re here now. I like your shirt.” Amanita compliments.

Nomi bites her lip. It’s a simple outfit. A dark blue t-shirt and light colored skinny jeans. “Thanks, you look nice.” Nomi says. She’s never not seen the woman look nice or better in all the times she’s seen her in the bookstore, even in her St. Patrick’s Day costume.

Amanita smiles toothily. “Thanks.” She’s not sure what comes next. What to do, what to say. “Did you want to get something to drink, or eat?” She points to the counter. Nomi nods. “I’ll be right here.” Amanita points awkwardly to the chair she was previously sitting in.

“I’ll be right back.” Nomi spins around and head over to the counter and orders a hot chocolate and comes back to the table.

Amanita waits until Nomi sits down and is situated before she opens up the conversation. She’s been thinking about how to start and what questions to ask for the few minutes that Nomi was gone. “So, how was your day?”

Nomi likes that that’s Amanita’s first question, that she’s actually interested in how Nomi’s day was and not something trivial or searching for facts and information right away. She nods. “Good. Not too much going on. A typical day.”

“What’s a typical day for you?” Amanita asks and scoots forward to the edge of her chair to wait for the answer.

Nomi shrugs and thinks about the question. “Usually, I get up between seven and eight, have breakfast, get on the computer, read the news, then start on some work. I’ll take a break for lunch and then usually do writing in the afternoon, depending on if I have any deadlines.”

Amanita quirks an eyebrow. “What is it exactly that you do?”

“Oh- I have a blog and I’m a freelance writer.” It’s not a lie. Nomi does those things, but she does other things too that don’t need to be mentioned right now. She takes a sip of her hot chocolate.

“I’d tell you what I do but I think you might already know the answer to that.” Amanita smiles.

“Yeah, do you work there every day?” Nomi asks, setting her cup down on the table.

“Monday thru Friday, eight to four, and one Saturday a month.”

“Do you like it?” Nomi asks. She knows it’s a job that she couldn’t do. The books are great and being in a bookstore all day would be great but she’s not so sure about the people.

Amanita nods and smiles. “I do. Mostly. I don’t like being stuck behind the counter and checkout all day. But, I like books and being able to help people find what they need or hopefully point them in the direction they are looking. I like talking to people.”

“Clearly.” Nomi smirks.

Amanita continues about working at the bookstore and they end up sitting in the cafe, talking, for over an hour. Both of their beverages gone very early on in the conversation. They talk about the weather and the upcoming spring and summer seasons. Amanita tells Nomi that she loves to dress up for holidays. They share their favorite music and books, movies, tv shows. Basic sort of stuff, nothing too personal.

Amanita gets a feeling that maybe they should wrap this up. “Maybe we could get dinner sometime?” She asks hopefully, a nervous timbre in her voice.

Nomi sighs. She knew this was coming. Part of her is surprised. Surprised that this woman seems so interested in her. In boring, nerdy, shy Nomi. She wonders how it’s possible. Another part of her wonders if it’s a good idea. She’s not looking for anything right now.

“Seriously?” Nomi asks before she can think better of it.

Amanita furrows her brow. She thought they were on the same page or at least on a similar one. “Yeah. I like you and I want to know more about you.” Amanita admits. She thought that she made that pretty clear but maybe not. Maybe she needs to step up her game.

“Really?” Nomi asks, it’s hard for her to believe. Being trans and dating is often times challenging. This seems too easy.

Amanita nods earnestly. “Lots of people think I’m a little out there. Not crazy but- okay maybe a little crazy- but not in a bad way. When I like something, I do it.” As soon as the words leave her mouth she knows how they sound. Amanita panics a little, her face heating up. “Woah, not like that. Let me rephrase.”

Nomi giggles.

Amanita takes a deep breath. “The way I think is different than the way a lot of people think. And that’s mostly because of the way I was raised. So, when I like an activity I do it, it doesn’t matter if others don’t like it or if it doesn’t fit into gender norms. When I like a book, I read it. When I see some food I like, I eat it. When I like a person, I want to know more about them. That’s just the way I think. And I like you and I want to know more about you. If you want, that is. I can tell you all about my life and my childhood and my crazy ass family and friends but only if you’ll go to dinner with me.” She hopes she sounds smooth and not sleazy.

“A date?” Nomi questions and Amanita nods with a pleased smile. “I’m gonna be honest with you right now. I’m a reserved person. I don’t just offer up information about myself. And there are specific reasons for that. I tend to keep things close to the chest. And that is to protect myself. That’s why I am hesitant. Also, I’m not really looking for anything right now.”

“That’s fine. You do you. We can just hang out and get to know each other. Have coffee.” Amanita supplies. She’s okay with that and she certainly doesn’t want to pressure anyone into doing anything they don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with.

Nomi holds her hand up, palm out facing Amanita, letting Amanita know there is more. “But-“ She licks her lips. “-I’ve been thinking about you since St. Patrick’s Day.” She admits bravely.

“Really?” Amanita asks, thrilled. The little butterflies in her stomach take flight.

Nomi nods. “Yeah. And I think dinner with you would be a good idea.” It still seems too easy but Nomi feels so at ease around Amanita that she’d be stupid not to accept a date.

Amanita does a little fist pump. “Yesssss.” She hisses.

Nomi laughs, and Amanita makes sure she listens to that laugh.

“You’re cute.” Nomi mumbles, not really knowing she’s said it.

Amanita just smiles dopily at her. She doesn’t want their meeting to be over yet, but she knows it’s leaning that way. “So, did you- walk here?”

Nomi nods. “I did. I live about eight blocks from here.”

“What are your evening plans?” Amanita asks. Nomi gives her a strange look. “Am not trying to intrude. You said you keep things close to the vest and you can totally leave and do your own thing, but I feel like our time here is coming to an end for today and I thought maybe you would enjoy some company walking home.”

Nomi just about melts into a puddle right then and there. This woman is taking everything she’s said into consideration and total okay with everything that she has told her, but still wants to spend more time with her and walk Nomi home. But, at the same time, Amanita makes sure Nomi knows that it’s totally okay if she doesn’t want to be ‘walked home’.

“You’re not trying to kill me or become my stalker or something creepy like that?” Nomi asks. She’s not sure she wants someone she just met knowing where she lives.

Amanita stands up from her chair, startled at the thought. “NO. NO. NO.” She backs away from the table and waves her hands back and forth in front of her to help make her point. “I would never. Forget I said anything. I’ll let you go.” Amanita stand there frozen with her hands awkwardly in front of her.

Nomi stands up and grabs her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. Amanita thinks she just going to say goodbye and leave. But, instead, Nomi takes a step towards Amanita, reaching out with her right hand and placing it on Amanita’s left elbow. It sends a shiver through Amanita’s entire body, she hopes Nomi can’t visibly see it.

“Would you?” Nomi asks.

“Would I- would I what?” Amanita mumbles, her brain is a little frazzled right now.

“Walk me home.” Nomi whispers.

Amanita’s eyes go wide. “Oh- yeah- sure.” Nomi takes a step backwards and Amanita grabs her purse and the two exit the café.

Nomi walks down the sidewalk with her hands tucked into the pockets of her pants. Amanita beside her. It’s too difficult to have a conversation with the traffic and the bustle of the city around them, so they walk mostly in silence. Nomi must move over for a man on a bicycle to pass them and bumps into Amanita’s shoulder. They turn to look at each other, sharing a look and a smile.

Nomi bumps into Amanita playfully a few more times as they walk the blocks to her apartment. She receives a few playful bumps and looks in return.

“This is it.” Nomi nods up at the building. She comes to a stop and looks at Amanita. “Now you know where I live. Please, don’t murder me in my sleep tonight.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Amanita says as she looks up at the building. It’s one of those old brick buildings that has a lot of character.

Nomi interrupts Amanita’s thoughts. “I had a good time today.” She makes sure to catch Amanita’s eyes before she says the rest. “Thanks for walking me home.” Nomi leans in and presses a kiss to Amanita’s left cheek. “Goodnight.” She whispers and turns to enter the building, leaving a stunned Amanita standing there staring for a moment.

“Goodnight.” Amanita says breathlessly as Nomi slips inside. She’s in trouble and she knows it. Amanita is totally entranced by this woman. But, it’s a trouble that she thinks she’s going to welcome and enjoy.

Amanita now has to walk all the way back to the café to get her motorcycle but she’s more than okay with that. She walks back, a skip in her step, a goofy smile on her face.


	4. First Date

Nomi meets her sister, Teagan, for lunch on Friday to catch up.

“So, how are your parents?” Nomi asks.

Teagan huffs. “I hate when you do that. They’re your parents too.”

Nomi shrugs. “I know but sometimes I wish they weren’t.” She says pushing the food around on her plate aimlessly.

Teagan sighs.

“How was the anniversary party?” Nomi asks.

“It was good. If you like that sort of thing.” Teagan’s not really one for stuffy rich white people parties. “Mom had a great time. And far too much champagne.” She chuckles. “Nothing like celebrating yourself with a lavish brunch with all your rich friends.”

“I’m sure.” Nomi comments. “Did Tom go with you?” Her real question is ‘was Tom invited?’. It rubs Nomi the wrong way that her mother is willing to invite her sister’s boyfriend to a party but not her.

“Yes.” Teagan nods, avoiding Nomi’s eyes. She knows it’s wholly unfair and she hates that, but even though she’s tried, there’s not much Teagan can do about it. “Mom loved the book you got for them, though.”

Nomi smirks. “I can tell Amanita they liked it. She’ll be thrilled.”

“What? Who?” Teagan asks, perplexed. That’s not a name she’s ever heard her sister use before.

“Uh-“ Nomi looks over at her sister like she just got caught committing a crime. Amanita was the first thing Nomi thought of when Teagan mentioned the book. “-just- the employee at the bookstore- when I got the book.” Nomi says.

“She helped you pick the book out?” Teagan wonders.

“No.” Nomi looks around awkwardly, looking for a way out of this conversation.

“Then how does she know about the book? Or about who it’s for?” Teagan asks, suspicious.

Nomi sets her fork down, wipes her face and then hands on her napkin. “When I was checking out I made sure to mention that the book wasn’t for me. And she asked me who it was for. And I told her it was for my parents and that it was their anniversary. Don’t ask me why cuz I don’t know myself.” Nomi explains.

Teagan wrinkles up her brow, knowing something is up here. “You don’t usually reveal personal information.” Teagan knows this. “And why would you tell a stranger that works at the bookstore if they like the book or not?”

Nomi sighs and folds her arms across her chest. “She had follow up questions the next time I went to the bookstore.”

Teagan notices Nomi’s defensive posture. “Follow up questions, huh? Like multiple questions. Sounds like you either spend too much time at that bookstore or you’ve got something going on with this bookstore chick?”

“She’s not a chick.” Nomi says without thinking. Her sister tilts her head to the side. “I mean- she is- but- not like, some chick.”

“So, which is it?” Teagan asks.

“Both, I guess.” Nomi sighs. “I go to that bookstore every couple weeks probably. So yes, I spend too much time there but also-“ She decides to bite the bullet. Nomi knows her sister knows something is going on. “-we’re going on a date tomorrow night.” She watches carefully for her sister’s reaction.

Teagan processes the information she’s just been giving. “Did you ask or did she?”

“Her.”

“And you accepted right away?” Teagan questions, trying to get as much information from her sister as possible.

“Well, we were having coffee the other day and she asked. I hesitated at first, but after thinking about it for a minute I realized it would be stupid to decline.” Nomi doesn’t want to make a big deal about this.

“And you’re really okay with it? Like you aren’t having second thoughts or anything. You’re gonna go on the date?” A small smile starts at the corner of Teagan’s lips.

“No, there aren’t any second thoughts. It’s easy with her. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. It just is. That’s scary cuz it’s never been this easy. I did think ‘is this too good to be true?’. But I don’t feel like that’s the case. We’ll see how it goes.”

“Did you tell her?” Teagan wonders.

Nomi shakes her head. “Tell her what?”

Teagan looks at Nomi like ‘duh’. “That you’re trans.”

“No.” Nomi looks down at her hands in her lap. She worries them together. “But somehow I don’t think it’s going to be an issue.”

“How do you know?” Teagan has so many questions. She just wants to make sure her sister isn’t getting into something that’s going to end in terrible disaster.

“I don’t know. I just have this feeling. It’s the way she talks about people or talks in general. It’s the way she carries herself. It’s this vibe she gives me. Relaxed, at ease with herself and the world around her. I kind of envy that. She mentioned something about her upbringing the other day and how she thinks differently than most people. I don’t know, T. I just get this sense when I’m around her that I can actually be myself. It’s hard to explain. It’s just a feeling a have.”

“Oh my god.” Teagan throws a beaming smile at her sister. “You’re so crushing on this chick.” Nomi narrows her eyes at her sister. “Sorry, this woman.”

Nomi shrugs. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh my god. I’m so happy for you.” Teagan nearly squeals.

“Calm down, Teagan. It’s just a first date.” Nomi doesn’t want to get too excited about anything or get her hopes up yet.

* * *

 

Amanita picked a moderately prices Italian restaurant for their first date. Who doesn’t Italian?

“Do you come here often?” Nomi asks as they settle into the seats at a table for two. The waiter has taken their orders with the promise to return with their meals.

“I’ve been here a few times. I love it. The food is great. I hope you like it. Do you like Italian? Oh my god, I should have asked what kinds of foods you eat, like. How inconsiderate of me? I’m sorry. I hope this works for you. Do you have any food allergies? Are you vegan or anything? Oh my god, I’m terrible at this. I’ve never done anything so formal.”

Nomi giggles. “Calm down. It’s fine. I’m not vegan. I don’t have any food allergies. I try to eat healthy most of the time but once a week or so I have a total cheat day. Besides, it’s everything in moderation, right?”

“Right.” Amanita nods and thinks about Nomi’s food plan. “I like that. Cheat day. I don’t have a cheat day but I do try not to overdo anything. Like you said, everything in moderation.”

Nomi pauses, tipping her head to the side. “What do you mean you’ve never done anything so formal?”

“I- uh- usual- I’m a casual person. I don’t really- other people I’ve dated- other dates I’ve been on- they’ve mostly been like hanging out, going to a movie or concert or just grabbing a quick bit to eat- that sort of thing.” Amanita doesn’t want to tell Nomi that she thought Nomi deserved something more than ‘hanging out’ on the first date and that she deserved a proper sit down meal at a nice restaurant.

“Oh.” Nomi mulls over the information and leans forward, until her stomach bumps into the table. She folds her arms together and rests them on the edge of the table. “I really like Italian food.” She whispers like it’s a secret. “You made a great choice.”

Amanita sighs in relief. “What do you want to talk about? Oh, I was wondering if you have any roommates?”

“I don’t.” Nomi shakes her head.

“Wow.” Amanita is impressed with that. Rent and housing in San Francisco are expensive. Which means that Nomi must be doing pretty well for herself. Unless, she’s got some kind of money rolling in to her. “I have three roommates. Two are friends of mine and the third just moved in after somebody else got married and moved out, a friend of a friend.”

“That must get kinda of crazy sometimes.” Nomi tries to imagine it. “How many bedrooms?”

“Two bedrooms, one bath, a small kitchen and a little breakfast nook. And yeah it can seem a little crowded sometimes but that’s what I can afford on my bookstore salary.” Amanita doesn’t mind living with a number of people.

“I don’t know that I could live with three other people.” Nomi admits.

Amanita shrugs. “I don’t mind. It doesn’t bother me. It’s only a problem when you want absolute privacy. But, I’m used to that sort of thing. It’s how I grew up.”

“Do you have a big family?” Nomi asks. It’s the most logical thing she can think of.

“Yes and no. ‘Member the other day when I said I’d tell you about my childhood and my crazy ass family.” Nomi nods. “Well, I grew up in a commune. So, there were always a bunch of people around. People that I wasn’t really related too. We all lived together and shared our belonging and responsibilities. That’s why I said I don’t think the same as a lot of people do. I don’t have any siblings but there is a network of people that I know. Mostly, it’s my mom that knows them. I haven’t really kept in touch with most from the commune. I was eleven when we left so it was just childhood friends that I knew.”

“Woah.” Nomi is blown away. So much about Amanita makes sense now. “I can’t imagine that. My childhood was so sterile and structured. Why’d you leave when you were eleven?”

“My mom knew it wasn’t a good fit anymore. She’s an educated woman. She went to college and got a degree. She’s a professor now. But, she wanted that for me. She wanted me to get a quality education and while the commune teaches you a lot. A lot, a lot. She wanted me to go to college. So, we left to come live in the city, so I could go to a proper school.”

Nomi tilts her head to the side. This is fascinating. “I’m confused. Then why’d you live there in the first place. Your dad?”

Amanita shakes her head. “No. See the thing is- well- my mom’s like- a hippie. So, when she was young, and she had me, living in the commune was fine. As I got older, she realized that she and I wouldn’t be able to stay there forever if she wanted a well-rounded, well-educated, empathic, culturally experienced child, which she did. She wanted me to experience everything that I could, and the commune had its limitations. So, we moved to the city so I could go to a quality middle and high school.” Amanita takes a drink from her glass of water. “While I was young my mom worked at a community college near the commune during the day and left me there with my dads.”

“Your dads?” Nomi asks.

Amanita nods. “Yeah, I have three dads.”

Nomi pulls a perplexed face. “How?”

Amanita rolls her eyes. “Let’s just say, my mom being a hippie meant that monogamy was not a practice of hers. Which means that we don’t know which one of my three dads is my biological father. I think that’s cool cuz I get to have three dads.”

“That’s so crazy.” Nomi thinks about it all.

“Yeah, so my mom and I left when I was eleven. My dads stayed at the commune. Two of them still live there today. She wanted me to have all the experiences that I could, so we moved to the city and that was an eye-opening experience for me. I was learning something new every day. It was like sensory overload at first, but my mom is smart, and we moved in the summertime when school was out. I’d go with her to festivals and events and would learn about different cultures. I went to my first Pride parade right after we moved to the city. I was only eleven, like I said, I just remembered so many colors and so many people. It was a little overwhelming for a little kid. I’ve gone every year since.”

“Holy shit.” Nomi’s mouth hangs open.

Amanita chuckles and shrugs. “I went to festivals and parades and whatever was going on in the city that could be a learning experience for me. I think that’s why I like to dress up on holidays so much. We were always going somewhere, and people were dressed up to represent their culture and their heritage. I just thought that was the coolest thing. I learned so much about people. I learned that everybody is different and we all come from a different background. And my mom made sure that I knew that I was different, that I knew that I had lived on a commune, but that being different wasn’t a bad thing. That it was okay to be different. That it was a good thing that we as humans need to accept and embrace our differences. Think about it. How boring would it be if we were all the same?”

“I- I- yeah.” Nomi is speechless.

“What about your childhood?” Amanita asks.

“Fuck. What about it?” Nomi is amazed by the woman sitting across from her. Her childhood is like the polar opposite from Amanita’s. “I have a sister.”

“You mentioned that but that’s a good start.” Amanita smirks. She knows Nomi is a private person and she thinks she knows why but she doesn’t want to assume anything. She doesn’t want to push or prod either. She wants the conversations to be organic and not forced.

Nomi just now remembers mentioning Teagan when Amanita asked about the book for her parents. “My mom liked the book by the way.” Nomi mentions and rolls her eyes. “My life is so different from yours. My childhood was awful. I don’t ever talk about it. It was so strict. I had to do what my parents wanted. I didn’t have a choice in anything that I did. It was so structured and sterile. There was very little warmth and affection. My father was always working. He’s a lawyer. And my mother was always with her friends at the country club or going to some event. Yeah, we had money, but you know that saying money doesn’t buy you happiness. I think it’s true for some people. Others can buy their own happiness but it superficial. They’d buy me things, to try and buy my happiness or to get me to do what they wanted. But, I didn’t want things.”

Amanita doesn’t say anything. She can see the hurt in Nomi’s eyes. She can hear the pain and anger and sadness in her voice. Amanita reaches across the table and puts her palm on the back of Nomi’s hand, stroking with her thumb gently over the skin at Nomi’s wrist.

“At some point, I realized all that I wanted was for them to let me do my own thing. For them to let me be me and explore that. I wanted love and acceptance, I guess. And I never got that from them. They see the world through very different eyes than I do.”

The waiter comes with the food and Amanita takes her hand back so the food can be set on the table, the conversation falling away with the waiter’s presence.

“This looks great. Thank you.” Amanita tells the waiter.

Nomi keeps her head low, undoing her napkin and silverware and starts eating.

It’s quiet for a few minutes while they eat. Amanita makes sure to keep checking on her dinner date after what Nomi told her about her upbringing. She sends her soft smiles which Nomi returns but Amanita can see that what Nomi talked about is still swirling around in her head and picks the conversation up again.

“I meant to tell you this sooner-“ Amanita gets Nomi’s attention. “-I really like your eyes. They’re so blue. Blue is an interesting color, ya know. I don’t have a favorite, but blue is definitely up there. I read once that the color blue represents trust, loyalty, sincerity, among other meanings. It’s an earthly color. The color of the sky and the sea. There are so many shades of blue too. Blue is cool and calming. I love that.”

“Gee, thanks.” Nomi can’t control the color of her eyes, but she can thank Amanita for the compliment and her knowledge on the color blue. “Is that why there’s blue in your hair? Cuz it’s up there?”

“Sure. Blue and purple and red. Those colors go together best, I think. And they’re not too over the top like bright pinks or greens might be.” Amanita wants to say something with her hair, express herself, but she knows there’s a line that she, personally, doesn’t want to cross and become obnoxious.

“Well, I like it. It shows your personality.”

“Thanks, hon.” Amanita says and puts a forkful of pasta in her mouth.

Nomi’s brain hangs on Amanita’s last word. It’s not really even a word. A shortened word. She smiles down at her plate of food and continues with her meal.

“I saw you came in a cab. If I knew that I would have offered to pick you up?” Amanita mentions.

Nomi wonders about how Amanita got to the restaurant tonight. “Do you drive?” She asks curiously, after she finishes chewing her bite, and taking a sip from her wine glass.

“I do. I have a motorcycle.” Amanita says proudly.

“Wow.” Nomi is amazed. Amanita chuckles. “I’ve never been on a motorcycle before. Is it dangerous?”

Amanita shrugs. “It can be. I’m usually just concerned about other drivers and if they see me. I keep it pretty safe though. You’ve got those guys that ride crotch rockets. Now that shit is dangerous. But, I always wear a helmet and leather jacket. I don’t take any unnecessary risks either.”

“Crotch rocket?” Nomi mumbles. She doesn’t know what that mean. Seems sort of gross or derogatory.

Amanita can see the confusion in Nomi’s eyes. “It’s a motorcycle built for aerodynamics and speed. They’re light and used for stunts and tricks.”

“That does sound dangerous.”

“Like I said, I’m pretty safe. And I like that a motorcycle doesn’t produce nearly as many carbon emissions as a car or truck. So, I’m doing my part in saving the planet, at least vehicle-wise. I could take you for a ride something if you’d like. Maybe after dinner.” Amanita suggests.

Nomi’s phone dings in her purse. They both hear it. “Is that important?” Amanita asks.

“I don’t know. Mind if I check?” Nomi asks and reaches for her bag. She knows it’s not important. She also knows that it’s most likely Teagan asking how the date is going.

“No, go ahead.” Amanita twirls some spaghetti noodles around on her fork and brings them to her mouth.

Nomi looks at her phone and she is correct. It’s a text message from her sister. _How’s the date? Is it bad? Do you need rescuing? I could call you with an excuse to get out of there._ Nomi rolls her eyes. “It’s just my sister.” She returns her phone to her purse. “I’ll text her back tomorrow.”

“Are you close with your sister?” Amanita asks. She wants to know more, anything she can about Nomi.

“Yeah, pretty close. I actually told her I was going on a date tonight.” Nomi supplies. “She was wondering how it’s going, actually.”

Amanita smirks. “And how is it going?” Hoping to get a good review from Nomi so far.

Nomi licks her lips. “Good.” She says shyly.

“Good. What do you want to do after dinner? Or would you want to call it a night?” Amanita asks. “I’d be alright with either. I actually- two of my friends wanted me to go out with them tonight.” She’s not sure why she mentions it.

“Oh. You should’ve went. We could have done this some other time. A different day.” Nomi tells her. “Or maybe if we get done here you can catch up with them.”

Amanita shakes her head. “No. Tonight’s about you and me. I declined so I could do this.” Amanita motions between herself and Nomi. “I wanted to be here, tonight, with you, on this date.” Nomi nods and takes that for what it is. “There’s only one first date and what kind of person would I be if I cancelled with you so I could go out to a bar with my friends.”

“A shitty one.” Nomi says.

Amanita laughs. “Well, I try my hardest not too be a shitty person.”

“You’re not. I don’t know you very well but I can tell.” Nomi say earnestly.

Amanita sighs. “Thanks.”

The waiter brings the bill to the table and Amanita nearly snatches it out of his hand.

Nomi sees Amanita’s eagerness to pay for their meal, but she doesn’t think that’s fair. “I think we should split the bill because it’s a first date. And then any subsequent dates the asker has to pay, or we could switch off.” Nomi suggests wisely.

Amanita bites her lower lip, sucking it into her mouth. “Deal.” She mumbles, already thinking about the prospect of future dates with Nomi.

They split the bill and Amanita uses the restroom before they leave. She returns to the table with an idea. “You wanna go for a ride?” Amanita waggles her eyebrows at Nomi.

“Uh-“ Nomi weighs her options. On one hand, she thinks she should remain a responsible adult and just call it a night and head home. On the other hand, there’s something inside her egging her on to do it, to go on an adventure, to try something new. “Do you have a spare helmet?”

Amanita grins. “I always carry a spare on the bike, just in case I find a cute girl and want to give her a ride.” She flirts.

“Is that something you always do? Take girls home on your bike?” Nomi asks, half joking, half serious.

Amanita wrinkles her brow. “I didn’t say anything about taking them home. Way to insinuate.”

“Sorry, can we just-“ Nomi thumbs over her shoulder towards the door.

Amanita walks them outside to where her motorcycle is parked. She unhooks the spare helmet off the back and holds it out for Nomi to take. “It might mess up your hair a little.” Amanita tells her.

“That’s okay.” Nomi takes the helmet and puts it on. She fumbles with the strap and buckle. “Uh- I don’t really know how to do this.” She looks to Amanita for help.

“Here.” Amanita reaches up. “You just slide the strap through both ring thingys and then loop it back through, this time in between the two rings and pull it tight until it’s snug.” Amanita explains as she fastens the strap. “I’ll let you decide if it’s tight enough or if you want it tighter. I don’t want to choke you.” She leaves a little slack in the strap. “Just grab the end of the strap and pull to tighten.” She instructs.

Nomi feels the blush on her cheeks from the close proximity of Amanita’s fingers and her face. She tightens the strap a little more and then puts both her hands on the top of the helmet. “This feels funny.”

“You get used to it.” Amanita comments and puts her own helmet. “Plus, you look cute with that helmet on.”

“Cute?” Nomi mumbles.

“Yep.” Amanita grins and puts on her leather jacket.

“Do I get one of those?” Nomi asks.

“I don’t have a spare jacket but don’t worry-“ Amanita stops mid-sentence. She was going to say something along the lines of I’ll be careful. Instead, she takes off her jacket. “Actually, here.” She holds the coat open. Nomi slides her left arm in first and Amanita brings the jacket around her body and helps her slide the right arm into the jacket sleeve.

“Thanks.” Nomi smiles when she turns around to face Amanita. “Do I still look cute?”

“Absolutely.” Amanita sits on the bike. “I’ll start her up and then you can get on, okay?”

“Uh-“ Nomi is a little stunned now that it actually comes to getting on a motorcycle.

“You’ll be fine. I promise.” Amanita says earnestly. “Just get on and wrap your arms around my waist and hold on.”

Nomi swallows thickly. Her mother’s voice ringing her head. _‘Motorcycles are dangerous. Never get on one. Never ride one.´_ She pushes it away. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Amanita starts the bike and motions for Nomi to get on behind her. Nomi takes a shaky step towards the bike and swings her leg over, glad that she wore pants today. She slips her arms underneath Amanita’s and hugs her around the waist. Amanita turns her head and says something, but Nomi doesn’t catch it with the noise of the bike and the helmet. She just nods. Amanita pulls the motorcycle away from the curb and off they go.

Nomi feels like her stomach is in her throat at first. It’s a wild feeling to be riding on a machine without anything to prevent the air from hitting or pushing against her body. It’s like nothing she ever experienced before. She doesn’t know what to think really.

When Amanita stops the bike and kills the engine they are in a park. Nomi is still holding on tight to her waist. Amanita removes her helmet and turns to look over her shoulder at her passenger. “What do you think?”

“That was- I’m not sure. It was wild be able to feel the air hitting me and to feel the movement of the motorcycle on corners. That was a little scary actually. I felt like we were going to tip over every time you took a corner.” Nomi shares honestly.

Amanita grins, pleased. “You get used to it.”

“You keep saying that.”

Amanita chuckles. “Well, it’s true.” She dismounts and looks at Nomi. “How about we find a park bench and look at the stars?”

Nomi nods and thinks that sounds perfect, but she’s still got a helmet on her head. She reaches up to the buckle and tries to figure it out. She should be able to from the instructions that Amanita gave her about putting it on, but it’s harder than she thought, especially when you can’t see what your hands are doing. “I can’t-“

Amanita chuckles. “You really are a newbie.” She loosens the strap and lets Nomi remove the helmet from her head herself.

Nomi hands the helmet to Amanita who hangs it on the bike handle. Amanita holds out her open hand. Nomi looks down at said hand and places her own in it. Amanita holds her hand, helping Nomi’s balance as she climbs off the motorcycle. She expects Amanita to release her hand once she’s off, but she doesn’t. Nomi give Amanita a look of surprise. Amanita just winks and squeezes her hand, starting off for the park trail to find a bench.

* * *

 

 They are sitting on a park bench. There’s no one else around. It’s dark and the busy of the city surrounds them. Amanita holds Nomi’s left hand in her right. Nomi has her head rested on Amanita’s shoulder. It’s comfortable.

They looked at the sky for about fifteen minutes and talked about the sky and the stars in the city night’s sky and how it’s different from the night’s sky outside of the city where there isn’t any light pollution. Now, though, they sit silently on the park bench, taking it all in. Their surroundings, each other.

“Thank you.” Nomi mumbles.

Amanita’s tilt her chin down to get a glimpse of Nomi’s face. “For what?”

“For treating me so well. For being so good to me.” Nomi whispers. It’s a vulnerable moment for her.

Amanita wonders what scum is in Nomi’s past that people haven’t treated her well. She turns her head so she can press a kiss to the top of Nomi’s head. “It’s human decency but you’re welcome.” She releases Nomi’s hand and is about to stand up. She just needs Nomi to sit up. “Let’s get you home.”

Nomi shakes her head against Amanita’s shoulder. “Five more minutes.” She snakes her left arm behind Amanita, between her back and the park bench. The right one going around Amanita’s waist and locking her hands together at Amanita’s left hip. Nomi snuggles against Amanita’s side and Amanita wraps her right arm around Nomi holding her in place protectively.


	5. Truths and Sandwiches

Nomi texts her sister the following morning. _You busy?_

She gets a reply right away. _Nope. What’s up?_

Nomi abandons the text messaging for a phone call.

“Hello.” Teagan answers. “How’d it go last night? I was worried when you didn’t return my text but then I thought it can’t be too terrible as you didn’t reply. But, then I thought maybe you got murdered and that’s why you didn’t text back. But, Tom told me that was crazy, so I calmed down.” Teagan blurts out before Nomi can even say anything. “I see you’re still alive so that’s a start.”

Nomi chuckles. “Thanks, T. And sorry I didn’t reply. I wanted to wait til it was over before I talked or texted you.”

“And?”

Nomi shrugs. She doesn’t want to sound crazy. She thinks she might be going crazy though. “That was the best, most amazing first date I’ve ever been on.” She sighs into the phone.

“Really now? This chick really must be something. Is she smooth? Flirty? What?”

“No.” Nomi thinks about it. “Well, maybe a little. It’s not like that though.” Nomi doesn’t know how to describe Amanita to someone. There’s so much she learned about her last night and there’s so much she could say. But, Nomi wants to keep a lot of it to herself. She doesn’t want to share Amanita with people just yet. She wants to be greedy and keep all the information to herself.

“O-kay. What did you guys do?”

Nomi sighs, thinking happily back on the date. “We went to dinner. An Italian place. It was so great. The food. The atmosphere. The company. Especially the company. We talked about all sorts of things. We talked about our apartments and roommates and I found out that she rides a motorcycle. She told me all about her childhood. It was so fascinating. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I know I sound crazy but she’s so amazing so far. I feel like it’s too good to be true sometimes.”

“Did you tell her about your childhood?” Teagan asks cautiously.

“A little. I didn’t go into detail, but she gets the hint that it wasn’t a pleasant one. I didn’t grow up like her. We are so opposite when it comes to our families, it seems. She seemed to understand that. Anyway, we split the bill and then-“ Nomi smirks. “-she took me for a ride on her motorcycle.”

“Oh my god, mom would kill you.” Teagan comments.

“I know, right.” Nomi smiles at the notion. “I had a helmet on, and she gave me her leather jacket. Amanita is a safe rider, so I felt safe.”

Teagan grins into the phone. “Oh my god, so cute.”

Nomi chuckles. “We went to the park and sat on the park bench and looked at the stars. Then she brought me home.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah.” Nomi confirms. “Were you expecting more? Do you think there should have been more?”

Teagan shakes her head, even though she knows Nomi can’t see her. “No, but it sounds like you’ve really hit it off with this chick.”

“She’s not a chick.” Nomi emphasizes.

“Sorry, old habit. And you want this to continue?” Teagan asks.

“Well, at first I told her I wasn’t looking to get involved with anyone but there’s just something about Amanita that I can’t deny or stay away from. There’s a genuine interest, liking. There’s something about her, well- I’m finding there’s lots of things about her, that I’m drawn to. She’s so smart and well-rounded and open-minded and so, so- I don’t want to use the word progressive cuz that’s not quite it but yeah.”

“She sounds interesting. But I have one more question for you.”

“Okay.”

“Are you attracted to her?” Teagan knows that’s an important element too.

Nomi inhales a deep breath. She realizes she hasn’t told Teagan what Amanita looks like. And that might sound crazy, but it wasn’t all that important at first. Appearances are one thing, but they’re not the only thing. “Initially, well, let’s just say Amanita catches your eye.”

“What do you mean?” Teagan wonders about this new woman her sister is raving about.

“Uh- she’s- black.” Nomi doesn’t know why she feels so awkward telling Teagan this. “And she has this long hair that’s braided and has colored dreads. Blue, purple, and red.”

Teagan grins into the phone. “Mom’s gonna shit a brick when she finds out. No, she’s gonna shit like three bricks.”

They both laugh. “Don’t tell her, T.”

“You know me. I wouldn’t.” Teagan promises.

* * *

 

Amanita finds her mom’s contact in her phone and makes the call. “Hi, mom. I’m just leaving my apartment now. Sorry, I’m running a little late this morning.”

“That’s fine dear, drive safe, I’ll be here.” Grace tells her daughter.

“Okay, I will. See you in a bit.” Amanita pockets her phone and brings her bike to life, heading out for her mother’s house.

It’s not far. It takes about fifteen minutes for Amanita to ride from her apartment to her mom’s house. After she pulls up into the driveway, Amanita parks the motorcycle and takes her helmet off, dismounting from the bike. She walks up to the front steps and looks up at the front door to see her mom standing there, waiting for her.

“Hi, mom.” Amanita grins widely.

“Hello, Nita.” Grace wraps her arms around her daughter for a tight hug. They’ve always been super close, and they always have brunch every other Sunday. And once a month the dads come and join them. Today it’s just mother and daughter though. “Come in.” Grace pulls her daughter inside.

“Smells good, mom.” Amanita inhales the scent of food cooking in the kitchen.

“You always say that but thank you. Sit down. It’s ready.” Grace tells her daughter.

Amanita sets her bag down and goes over to a table, pulling out a chair. The table is set with two places, plates, silverware, glasses for orange juice, and cups for coffee. The juice sits on the table and Amanita pours herself and her mom each a glass. Grace comes with a plate full of waffles and sets them down between the two place settings.

Amanita bounces up and down in excitement. “Ohhh, my favorite.” Waffles are her favorite breakfast or brunch food. The menu is always different for Sunday brunch but when waffles come back around in the rotation Amanita is extra excited.

Grace chuckles. “I’ll get the coffee and then you can fill me in on the last couple weeks.”

Amanita just smiles and nods. She’s got a lot to tell her mother. She sits down and puts two waffles on her plate, soaking them in syrup. Grace comes back with the coffee and pours two cups.

“How have you been, mom? Anything exciting going on recently?” Amanita cuts up her waffles.

“I’m good, dear. Just the usual boring old lady stuff going on here.” Grace says with a chuckle. “Anything exciting going on recently with you, Nita?”

Amanita wiggles her eyebrows. “Maybe.” She then puts a piece of waffle into her mouth, chewing, and making her mom wait.

Grace sits down and takes a sip from her coffee. She starts on a waffle and waits for Amanita to elaborate on her ‘maybe’. She knows there something behind that maybe. “Boy, you’re hungry.”

Amanita nods. “I haven’t had anything to eat since dinner last night.”

“What did you have for dinner?” It’s a simple question.

“We went to an Italian place. I had spaghetti.” Amanita finishes her first waffle.

Grace wonders who the ‘we’ is. “You and your friends?”

Amanita shakes her head. “I had a date last night.”

“Is that the ‘maybe’?” Grace asks.

Amanita nods. “Yep.” She smiles ear to ear. “It’s a new thing. A first date last night, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. She comes into the bookstore a couple times a month and we got to talking on St. Patrick’s Day. Kinda slow going to start here, but I think there’s real potential. She told me she wasn’t looking for anything and I’ve respected that. We’ll see what happens, but things have progressed a lot in the last week and I really like her. She’s protective of herself and doesn’t share a lot about herself or her family, but last night there were a few moments when she let her guard down with me and I saw a glimpse into who she is. So, I’m gonna go at whatever pace she wants cuz I think that’s what she needs from me.”

“What’s she like? Does this she have a name?” Grace asks.

Amanita smiles. “Nomi. An interesting name. I like it. When I first saw her in the bookstore I thought she was shy, but I don’t know if that’s correct. Reserved. Guarded. She doesn’t tell people she doesn’t know anything personal. Nomi wears glasses, I think. I’ve seen her with them mostly, but she didn’t have them on last night. She’s got blonde hair and she’s tall with long legs. I think my favorite so far though are her eyes. They are so blue. The most beautiful blue. And they seem to change slightly every time I’ve seen her. Probably depending on mood or maybe colors around her or what she’s wearing.” Amanita thinks about the eyes, looking off into the distance, getting lost in her thoughts.

“Sounds like you’re infatuated.”

“Yeah.” Amanita won’t deny it. She knows she is. “I really like her. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high, but I really think this could be something special. There’s a real connection there, I can feel it.”

“Well, I hope it works out for you.” Grace smiles hopefully over at her daughter.

* * *

 

Nomi walks into City Lights on Monday mid-day. She has a few things in mind as she steps through the door. Number one: finding Amanita. Number two: ask her to have lunch with her. Number three: ask about their next date. Nomi is on a mission. She has brought with her two sandwiches and two apples and she hopes Amanita gets a lunch and that they can eat together.

She steps inside the building and looks around, finding the woman with the colorful hair standing behind the cash register.

Amanita hears the bell above the door ding and looks over. Her face lights up when she sees who just walked in. “What are you doing here, Nomi?”

Nomi shrugs, walking slowly towards the counter. “It’s a bookstore. I came for the books.” She has a sly smile on her lips.

Amanita pretends to be offended. She folds her arms across her chest and huffs out an annoyed note.

“But- also there’s this girl and I had an amazing first date with her the other day and I was hoping I could see her cuz I’ve been thinking about her a ton since that date.” Nomi plays around.

Amanita smirks. “Is that so?” She’s thrilled that Nomi has been thinking a lot about her because she’s been thinking a lot about Nomi.

Nomi looks down at the floor, feeling slightly shy after admitting that she can’t stop thinking about Amanita. “Yeah and I was hoping I could have lunch with her. I just need to know when her lunchbreak is. Maybe you could help me out with that.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out the two sandwiches.

Amanita’s eyes light up. “You little shit.” She mumbles. It’s very endearing that Nomi is here with food for her. “My lunchbreak isn’t until one though.”

Nomi shrugs and puts the sandwiches back in her bag. “Okay, I’ll see you at one then.” She winks and steps away from the cash register.

Nomi walks further into the bookstore, getting lost in the bookcases. She finds a book that piques her interest and sits down at the lone table at the back corner of the store and starts reading. When Nomi finished the first chapter she returns the book to its shelf and sits back down at the table and takes her phone out. She messes around online for a while and plays a few games of solitaire. Nomi also reads her emails to pass the time. At one o’clock she gets up and makes her way to the front of the store to locate Amanita. She gets to the end of the row of the bookcase and someone, in a hurry, flies around the corner, crashing into her.

“Oh.” She mumbles and bounces backwards, off of Amanita.

“Sorry.” Amanita mumbles at the same time. “I was coming to find you.” She huffs out a frustrated breath. “I thought I was going to die up there knowing that you were in the store, but not being able to do anything about it but be stuck up there.”

Nomi chuckles. “Sorry. So, can we do lunch?”

Amanita nods excitedly. “Yes, pretty please.”

“Where?”

Amanita hadn’t thought of that. She hadn’t thought of anything other than the minutes ticking down to her lunchbreak. She assumed Nomi had figured it all out since she’s the one who showed up with sandwiches. “How about at the table in the back? It’s not really for that but who cares. I work here so…” She trails off and takes Nomi by the hand, leading them to the table.

Nomi sits down. “I brought turkey and ham. Which one do you want?” She’ll eat either, so she gives Amanita the choice.

“I’m gonna grab two bottles of water. Turkey. I’ll be right back.” Amanita rushes off and by the time Nomi get the sandwiches and apples out of her bag Amanita has returned. “What did I miss?” She asks breathlessly.

Nomi laughs. “Nothing.”

“Well, I only have a half hour for lunch. This is a very pleasant surprise. Thank you for bringing me lunch.” Amanita sits down and takes the turkey sandwich.

Nomi raises her bottle of water in the air. “Thanks for the water. I didn’t remember that. To be truthful, I thought this up for selfish reasons.”

Amanita quirks an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

Nomi nods, covering her mouth as she chews her bite of sandwich. “I could of text or called but this is what I came up with. So, here I am.”

“I’m really glad you’re here.” Amanita says genuinely. She waits patiently to find out the selfish reason that Nomi came to see her. “It’s nice that I get to have lunch with a pretty lady.” She flirts.

Nomi ducks her chin to her chest. “Thanks.” She mumbles. “I came cuz I want to ask when our next date is going to be?”

Amanita stops. Stops moving, stops eating, and just looks at the girl across from her. Slowly, a smile lifts at the corners of her lips before coming into full bloom. “Pick a day and time.” Amanita is thrilled that Nomi is just as eager as she is to go on another date.

“Saturday night?” Nomi says. Amanita nods. “What should we do?” Nomi asks.

Amanita thinks about it but doesn’t come up with anything right away. “How about we think about it and I’ll text you later?”

“Okay.”

“Okay, let’s finish eating, my break’s short.” Amanita takes a big bite out of her sandwich. “This is good by the way.” She says with a mouthful of food.

Nomi laughs. “Thanks.”

When Amanita’s break is over they walk to the front of the bookstore, back to the cash register.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to work. Thanks for having lunch with me today.” Nomi says.

“No.” Amanita shakes her head. “Thank you for coming and having lunch with me.” She smiles with her eyes. She loves little things like this. Nomi surprising her with lunch.

“You’re welcome. Okay, uh- bye?” Nomi isn’t quite sure how to say goodbye to Amanita yet, it’s a bit awkward. She turns and takes a step away from Amanita.

Amanita reaches out and grabs Nomi’s hand before she can get too far away. “Wait.” Nomi turns back to look at Amanita and wonders why she stopped her. “I’ll text you as soon as I’m done with work.” Nomi nods. “About our date.” Amanita goes on and Nomi nods again. “Okay, bye.” Amanita squeezes Nomi’s hand before letting it go. Nomi smiles, smitten, and turns to leave once again.

Amanita watches Nomi go. She watches until she is out the door and out of sight. “Is that your girlfriend?” Chad asks from behind the cash register and it brings Amanita back to reality.

She goes behind the counter and grabs a small stack of books that need to be put on the shelves and starts walking away from the counter and Chad. “Not yet.” She says over her shoulder.

True to her word Amanita texts Nomi as soon as she’s done with her shift. _I think I’ve thought of a good idea for our date._

Nomi has been waiting all afternoon to hear from Amanita. She picks up her phone as soon as it dings to notify her that she has a text message. She reads the message immediately and sends a reply. _Let’s hear it._

Amanita smiles when she gets a reply from Nomi right away _. How do you feel about getting something to eat Saturday evening and then going to The Lex with me?_

Nomi reads the suggestion and thinks it over for a minute. Usually she wouldn’t go to The Lexington with just one person, she usually goes with a group of friends, but she thinks she can make an exception for Amanita. Nomi nods in agreement and then types out a reply. _Sounds like a plan. I can’t wait._

She reads the text message and smirks. Amanita secures the chinstrap on her helmet before sending one more text _. Great. Can’t wait either. I’m about to hop on my bike. Have a good evening._

Nomi reads the message. _Ride safe. You too._ She types out quickly, hoping the message gets to Amanita before she starts her motorcycle.


	6. Saturday Night's Alright

Amanita meets Nomi at a food truck. It was Nomi’s idea to eat there, but Amanita thinks it’s an awesome one. They don’t have to sit down for a super fancy or expensive meal or anything crazy to have a good date night meal.

“Ya know, at first I didn’t know if this would be a good idea, but I’m actually really excited about going to the bar. It’s not like I’ve never been there before, duh, we live in San Francisco. I’ll usually go with a group of friends though.” Nomi says as they wait for their order to be prepared.

“Yeah, me too.” Amanita tells her. “A little bit of a new adventure for the both of us, then.” She raises her bottle of root beer and waits for Nomi to raise hers and they clink them together.

The two women find a bench to eat their tacos at before heading to the bar. They walk in and it pretty quiet. It’s early and there aren’t a lot of people in the bar yet. The DJ plays music but it’s not loud like it will be later in the night. Amanita settles at the bar and Nomi sits on the bar stool next to her. “I’ll get the first round.” Amanita says with a wink.

Nomi rests her palm on Amanita’s thigh. “Thanks.” She smirks.

They go to sit at a little table to sip their drinks, listening to the music, and talking on and off. But, as the music gradually gets louder it becomes increasingly more difficult to have a conversation. Nomi buys them a second round of drinks and they drink them, getting a good buzz going, and watch the room as it starts to fill up for Saturday night.

Amanita gets up and holds her hand out for Nomi. “Let’s dance.” The DJ has the music going now and there are already some people dancing. Amanita leads them to a spot in the bar designated for dancing and they dance around to the beat of the music. Mostly fun, up-tempo music. A mix of old and new songs.

They take a little break from dancing after a handful of songs and return to the bar for another drink.

“I have to pee.” Amanita whispers into Nomi’s ear. “You okay here?” She wants to make sure. “Or you want to come with?” Amanita doesn’t want to leave Nomi alone is if she’s going to feel uncomfortable.

“I’ll stay here.” Nomi tells her.

Amanita gets up from her seat at the bar and heads to the bathroom. She uses the restroom and when she comes out of the stall Nomi is standing there. “Oh- do you have to-?” She trails off when she sees the look in Nomi’s eyes.

Nomi shakes her head, putting a hand on Amanita’s shoulder and pushing her backwards into the bathroom stall.

Amanita thinks momentarily about washing her hands but then the back of her legs bump into the toilet bowl and she has to grab onto Nomi to keep from falling backwards. “Woah, what?” She’s a bit stunned.

Nomi squeezes into the tiny stall and shuts the door, turning the lock.

Amanita watches Nomi’s every move like a hawk. She hones in on Nomi’s eyes. They’re darker than she’s ever seen them. There’s also something there that she hasn’t yet seen. She sees a flicker of something in those beautiful blue eyes. Nomi is speaking to her, asking without using words. Amanita nods once and moves in, pushing Nomi’s back against the stall door. Her right hand reaching out and fisting Nomi’s shirt near the collar, as Amanita leans in and presses her lips to Nomi’s.

Nomi thinks it’s liquid courage that makes her do this. In a tiny bathroom, at The Lexington. The feeling of Amanita’s lips on hers is exciting, it’s scary, it’s mesmerizing, and it’s a feeling that she hasn’t had in a long time. She puts her hands on Amanita’s hips and pulls her into her own body, feeling electrified. All of her senses overloaded on everything Amanita and it’s wonderful.

Amanita pulls her face away slowly after their first kiss. “Wow.” She mumbles. Nomi licks her lips then smiles softly. Amanita reaches her hands around to the back of Nomi’s neck, locking them together there and leans in for another kiss. This one more than just a press of lips together. Amanita tilts her head slightly, changing the kiss, deepening it. Nomi reciprocates and follows Amanita’s lead.

Nomi momentarily thinks about what she’s doing. Making out with someone in a tiny bathroom at a bar like some horny teenager. But she thinks, no feels, that it needed to be done. After the drinks and the dancing Nomi is feeling good. Good about herself. Good about Amanita. She needed to taste those lips. She needed to feel those lips on her own.

Amanita focuses on two things. The kissing. And the feeling in her belly. On St. Patrick’s Day, she thought that this was impossible. She had a crush on the girl that came into the bookstore. And her pursuit of that girl was going terribly. Today, there is funny feeling inside of her that she can’t describe but it feels wonderful. With a lovely buzz, parts alcohol and exhilaration, in her head it’s hard to think of much else but this reality right here in this bathroom stall.

Nomi takes Amanita’s bottom lip between her teeth, tugging on it, before letting it go with a small pop. With a look at Amanita, Nomi licks her lips, reaching behind herself to unlock the door. She opens the bathroom stall door and steps out, going over to the sink, and starts washing her hands. She’s not sure why. She looks in the mirror to watch Amanita exit the stall and come over to the sink next to her, washing her hands too. Nomi finishes and gets a paper towel for herself and one for Amanita too. “Here ya go.” She holds it out as Amanita shuts the water off.

“Thanks.” Amanita wipes her hands dry and pulls a lip-gloss from her pocket and starts applying it. Nomi watches, mesmerized.

Amanita finishes with a wink in Nomi’s direction and leads them out and back to dancing to the music. Amanita is showing off her goofy dance moves to try to impress Nomi or at the least put a smile on her face.

It works. Nomi laughs and smiles as Amanita does her thing, dancing less silly than her partner. She’s having a great time. A better time actually than she thought she would have. Nomi isn’t big on dancing the whole night but being here with Amanita and getting to dance with her solely has changed her mind. She thought maybe they’d have more time to talk but that’s not the case and it’s loud so, dancing it is.

The DJ gets on the mic. “I need a potty break which means I’m gonna slow it down. So, if you don’t wanna slow it down, take a break, get another drink, use the restroom- but me first- have a smoke, and get ready to get back to it after this song. And if you do wanna slow it down, get out of the dancefloor, grab your partner, or maybe just someone who wants to take it slow.”

The DJ starts the slow song and three quarters of the people that were dancing to the previous song leave. The opening guitar notes to Bryan Adams song _Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?_ come on and Amanita can’t help but laugh. “Do you wanna?” She asks Nomi. She doesn’t know, slow dancing might not be Nomi’s thing.

“We could. If you want.” Nomi offers. Why not, she thinks.

Amanita knows she wants. To get the opportunity to slow dance with Nomi, heck yeah. “You know this song?” Amanita asks.

“Yes.” Nomi nods and rolls her eyes. “Cheesy.”

Amanita scoffs. “I like it.” She holds her arms open, inviting Nomi in. They take up a slow dancing poses. Amanita with her left arm around Nomi’s waist, her hand resting on the small of Nomi’s back. She takes Nomi’s left hand in her right. And Nomi puts her right hand on Amanita’s shoulder. They dance around in circles. The song speeds up a little, but they keep the same slow pace.

Amanita starts humming along to the song and Nomi catches it. They lock eyes and Amanita starts mouthing the words along with the song. She starts in with the chorus.

_“When you love woman, you tell her that she’s really wanted. When you love a woman, you tell her that she’s the one. Cuz she needs somebody, to tell her that it’s gonna last forever. So, tell me, have you ever really, really, really ever loved a woman?”_

Amanita signs along with the second verse quietly, putting a whisper of a voice behind the words.

_“To really love a woman – let her hold you, til ya know how she needs to be touched. You’ve gotta breathe her – really taste her, til you can feel her in your blood. And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes, ya know you really love a woman.”_

Amanita hums the chorus this time when it comes around, she smirks at Nomi, all sorts of thoughts running through her mind. She mostly just wonders what Nomi is thinking right now.

Amanita actually sings the next part out loud, theatrically, with all sorts of facial expressions.

 _“Oh – you’ve got to give her some faith – hold her tight. A little tenderness - you gotta treat her right. She will be there for you, takin’ good care of you. Ya really gotta love your woman.”_ Amanita finishes the last line with her eyes closed.

The flamenco guitar solo comes up in the song. Amanita opens her eyes and looks straight into Nomi’s eyes, smiling together, they share a look and Amanita mouths the next line along with the singer.

_“And when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms, ya know you really love a woman.”_

Amanita smiles and wiggles her shoulders around with the chorus as it comes around one more time, shimmying around and pulling halfway out of the slow dance.

Nomi smiles really big, all teeth, at the amazing woman in front of her. She cheeses as Amanita half slow dances, half silly dances.

Amanita points to Nomi and raises an eyebrow as the song closes.

_“Yeah – just tell me have you ever really, really really ever loved a woman? Oh – just tell me have you ever really, really, really loved a woman?”_

Nomi thinks, I might right now. She is left biting her lip so that she doesn’t attack Amanita with kisses. “I changed my mind. Not cheesy. Sensual. You’re so fucking- ” Nomi leans down and whispers into Amanita’s right ear. “Let’s get out of here.”

A thrill runs through Amanita and she nods. Nomi takes Amanita by the hand and leads her out of the bar, onto the street. There aren’t any cabs around, so they start walking. Nomi’s feet take her in the direction of a familiar place, a quiet place, a private place. Nomi spots a cab a block and a half from the bar and flags it down. She gets in the backseat first and Amanita follows. Nomi tells the cab driver the address and he pulls a U-turn in the street.

It’s not a long ride, but Nomi wasn’t patient enough to walk from the club, so she’s more than willing to pay for the cab if it will get her there sooner. She grips onto Amanita’s hand tightly. Probably too tightly but she doesn’t think about that right now. All Nomi can think about is Amanita, all of her senses are on overload after that little serenade and slow dance.

“Are you alright?” It’s the first thing either of them have said to each other since leaving the bar.

Nomi narrows her eyes at Amanita. “I- yeah- why?”

Amanita reaches out with her free hand and brings it up to Nomi’s cheek, stroking there with her thumb. “Cuz you have a death grip on my hand.”

“Oh- sorry.” Nomi lets go of the hand and brings her hands together in her lap.

“Don’t be, but are you sure?” Amanita checks again.

Nomi stares blankly at Amanita. “I- I- I don’t know. I think I will be. All of my senses are a little frazzled right now. And it feels like my mind is going a hundred miles an hour.” She admits.

Amanita reaches for Nomi’s hand and intertwines their fingers. “Just relax. Take a few deep breaths. You’re fine.”

“How do you know?” Nomi isn’t quite sure about being fine.

“Well, I don’t. Not for sure. But- I have an idea of what’s going on- with you- inside you.” Amanita says and Nomi raises an eyebrow at her. “Cuz I feel the same way.” She leans in and presses a kiss to Nomi’s cheek. “It feels too much and too big and impossible all at the same time. Yet, I feel it.”

“Whatever IT is.” Nomi rolls her eyes.

Amanita squeezes Nomi’s hand. “Yeah.”

The cab comes to a stop and Nomi pays the driver as Amanita gets out. She smirks. This is where she thought they were headed. Nomi gets out of the cab and starts up the stairs to her building. She unlocks the down and steps inside, only then realizing that Amanita isn’t following behind her. Nomi turns to see Amanita still standing down on the sidewalk, a quizzical expression on her face. “Aren’t you coming?” Nomi asks.

Amanita bites her lower lip. She hesitates for a split second and it sends a shot of fear through Nomi’s body. Nomi looks down at her feet. She wonders if she did the wrong thing here. If she read the situation incorrectly.

“Are you sure?” Nomi hears Amanita say and she looks back to the woman standing on the sidewalk. “I don’t want to-“

“I’m sure.” Nomi says cutting off the rest of Amanita’s sentence. She looks to Amanita and nods and Amanita nods in reply and takes the steps two at a time until she’s at Nomi’s side. Nomi offers her hand and Amanita takes it. “I’ll show you where I live.” Nomi supplies.

Amanita smiles gently and follows Nomi inside, up the stairs, to her apartment. Nomi unlocks the door and pushes it open. “Here we are.” She lets Amanita step inside first and get a look around.

Amanita steps into the apartment. Everything is new to her, so she takes her time in looking about for the first time. She turns back to Nomi after she scans the whole apartment. “This place is cool.” She whispers.

Nomi smiles. “I know. I really like it.” Nomi has lived in this apartment for a couple years and she’s really settled in and made it a home, a sanctuary for herself. A safe place. She loves her alone time and she loves her apartment. “I don’t really have many people over. I don’t like people invading my privacy.”

Amanita raises both of her eyebrows. Wow, she thinks. That says a lot. That Nomi has let her into her private space.

“But, I trust you won’t ruin this place for me.” Nomi says quietly.

Amanita shakes her head. “I would never.” She tells Nomi earnestly.

“Good.” Nomi steps past Amanita. She removes her shoes and sets them against the wall. “Would you like something to drink?” Nomi has settled down considerably from in the cab. Her body is still buzzing but her head is clearer.

“Water?” Amanita asks.

Nomi gets two glasses and fills them. She walks over to the couch and looks at Amanita, who is now lost in looking at different things in the apartment. Nomi sits down with a water in each hand and waits. She watching Amanita take everything in.

“I’m learning a lot right now.” Amanita mumbles. After a minute or two, she joins Nomi on the couch, taking a water. “Thanks.” She drinks the whole thing in a few big gulps. Nomi looks at her with wide eyes. “I was thirsty.” Amanita shrugs.

Nomi chuckles and takes the glass from Amanita. “More?” She asks and Amanita shakes her head. Nomi sets the glasses down on the table next to the couch. She looks back to Amanita. “Uh- now what?” She asks nervously. She’s so awkward it’s almost painful. She’s more than happy to have Amanita lead the way into whatever comes next. Nomi didn’t really have a plan when she got the idea to leave the bar and come back here, just to get out of the loud and the crowd.

“Well, we could talk or-“ Amanita isn’t really interested in talking though, but she doesn’t want to do anything that might make Nomi uncomfortable. She isn’t sure what Nomi’s thoughts are right now and she seemed a little wound up in the cab.

Amanita leans into Nomi’s side, slipping her arm around her shoulders. “Do you want to talk?” Amanita asks and Nomi shakes her head. Amanita smiles and leans towards Nomi. Nomi meets her halfway and their lips connect in a soft kiss.

One soft kiss turns into two and then three. Soft kisses turn into more fervent kisses.

“Let me-“ Amanita shifts, actually getting up from the couch. She looks at Nomi, her eyes shifting to her lap, then back to Nomi’s eyes, asking. Nomi nods. Amanita situates herself in Nomi’s lap, straddling her legs. “More comfortable.” Amanita mumbles, bringing her hands up to cup Nomi’s cheeks. Nomi puts her hands on Amanita hips.

Amanita continues their making out session, swiping her tongue out against Nomi’s lips, asking for access. Nomi grants it. Amanita slips her tongue into Nomi’s mouth, licking at her tongue. She feels like a teenager again, its thrilling, like the first time. She feels alive. She waited patiently for this and now she’s being rewarded and the reward feel better than she could have imagined.

There’s a certain intensity there that drives Nomi crazy. The feel of Amanita’s tongue slipping against her own and Amanita’s finger that are now buried in the hair behind her ears. She knows where this is going.

“Hey.” Nomi says breathlessly, stopping them when it becomes too much for her. Before it can go any further than just kissing because she’s can’t do that, not today. She takes a few deep breaths before she opens her eyes.

Amanita rests her forehead against Nomi’s, breathing in and out steadily and yet unsteadily all at the same time. She feels exhilarated and alive. Her heart beats rapidly in her chest. She looks to Nomi and sees that she’s much more relaxed than she was in the cab.

Nomi opens her eyes and Amanita is looking at her intently. She sees everything flash before her eyes. Amanita pursuing her in the bookstore, their meeting for ‘coffee’, their wonderful first date, the impromptu lunch that she brought to the bookstore, and finally tonight, this date. She knows she has to tell her and she knows it has to be tonight, right now. She wonders if that will change things. She knows it most definitely will. It always does. Either in a big way or some small way, but it always does. She doesn’t want this feeling she has right now to be tainted but knows that is a real possibility. Nomi takes a deep breath.

“I have to tell you something.”

Amanita peels her forehead away from Nomi, so she can see her better. “Okay.” Amanita focus everything she has on Nomi. She sees something shift in Nomi’s demeanor, mood, body. It’s subtle but Amanita can see. It’s almost as if she can actually see the walls around Nomi being raised and readying their defenses for battle. Amanita pushes everything else that she’s thinking out of her brain.

Nomi watches Amanita’s face closely. She watches for things she doesn’t want to see. Tells. Things that words don’t say. “I don’t-“ She starts. This is never very easy. “You might-“ She never feels like she has the correct words.

Amanita puts each of her hands on each of Nomi’s shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. “Tell me.” She whispers.

“I’m trans.” Nomi says clearly. She makes sure to keep her eyes trained on Amanita.

Amanita nods once. “Okay.”

It’s silent for a moment or two. Nomi searches Amanita’s face for something but doesn’t find anything there that she doesn’t like. “Just okay?” Nomi asks.

Amanita shrugs. “Yeah.” She’s not sure what Nomi wants her to say.

“That’s it?” Nomi wonders.

“Yeah. I don’t know what you want me to say.” Amanita admits with a shrug.

“It’s not- it’s not a deal breaker for you?” Nomi asks the question that she’s afraid to ask.

“No, I don’t care.” Amanita says. Nomi’s face falls and Amanita instantly knows she said the wrong thing.

“No, no, no, no, no. Not like that.” She takes Nomi’s face in her hands, stroking over her cheekbones with her thumbs. “I care. I do. I really do. What I should have said is-“ She stops to choose the perfect words. “-It’s not a deal breaker. It doesn’t bother me that you are trans. I think everybody should be exactly who they are and if the way they feel on the inside doesn’t match how they look on the outside well then, they should be able to change to match. I accept you for the person you have presented to me. I accept you for who you are. That’s all I know. We live in this city. The way my parents raised me. It’s not an issue for me. And I know it’s a huge deal, for you, I know that. But, I also know that it’s not the only thing that matters. You are more, so much more, than just a trans woman. If that makes any sense. I don’t want to offend you in any way and I hope I haven’t just right now. I hope I’m not messing this up. Oh god-”

Nomi stares at Amanita.

“Have I?” Amanita asks in fear.

Nomi shakes her head. She’s trying to process all this. She’s dated people before who said they were accepting, that they didn’t have a problem, but then a little while later there was a problem. Even if it was a small one, she doesn’t want that. She wants to believe Amanita right now, but it’s hard.

“Can I kiss you?” Amanita whispers. She thinks Nomi is in a bit of shock.

Nomi nods and lets Amanita kiss promises into her lips. The promise that it will be okay. The promise that there are genuine people in the world. The promise that maybe this is the real thing and not some exaggeration on hope. The promise that she’s not going anywhere. The promise that she’s not scared. The promise that this hasn’t changed anything.

“I really like you and I’m not going anywhere. And I want you to know that you being trans changes nothing for me.” Amanita says it with words. She gets an idea, it might be crazy but it’s not any crazier than she is. “Nomi-“ Oh shit, she thinks. “-what’s your last name?” Amanita realizes she doesn’t even know yet.

“Marks. Why?” Nomi wonders.

Amanita smiles. “Nomi Marks, will you be my girlfriend?”

Nomi thinks she just fell in love. She knows it’s entirely too soon and entirely ridiculous, but she can’t help it. “Yes.” She nods.

Amanita bites her bottom lip. “Awesome.” She leans in for a slow, deep kiss.

Nomi wraps her arms around Amanita and pulls their bodies together, breaking the kiss.

“You alright?” Amanita asks, running her hands through Nomi’s hair.

Nomi sighs. “Yeah, I am. I just need you to be close right now.” She still feels like Amanita is too good to be true somehow.

“Okay.” Amanita takes Nomi words as truth, but she wonders a few things.

“You’re amazing.” Nomi mumbles into Amanita’s shoulder.

Amanita laughs. “Thanks. But, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You thought I was gonna leave or not want to date you?” Amanita makes her question known.

Nomi loosens her grip on Amanita, so she can look up at her when she speaks. “I wasn’t sure, in the past- it doesn’t always work out, ya know. I really really like you and I didn’t want that to end.”

“But everything I’ve told you and showed you in the past couple weeks?” Amanita still doesn’t understand Nomi’s fear.

“An old insecurity. That will probably always be there.”

“You know I knew, right?” Amanita dares to say.

“I- um- I thought- maybe.” Nomi stutters. “When?”

Amanita chuckles. “Honey, we live in San Francisco. The first time I rang up a book that you were purchasing. From the first time that we spoke.”

“That obvious, huh?” Nomi rolls her eyes.

Amanita shrugs. “Maybe not. I’m a people person. I can read people. I’m in tune with the people around me. I play attention to all the little details. Especially when I see a cute girl.”

Nomi raises an eyebrow at Amanita. “Honey?”

“What?”

A blush takes over Nomi’s cheeks. “You said ‘honey, we live in San Francisco’.”

“Oh. Do you not like it? I could-“

Nomi pulls Amanita in for a kiss. “I love it.” She whispers. “Get up.”

Amanita is confused but does as she’s told. Nomi stands and holds out her hand which Amanita takes without hesitation. Nomi walks them over to the bed. “Stay with me tonight?” Amanita nods. “I’m gonna change. Do you want something to wear?”

“Shorts and a t-shirt?” Amanita shrugs. She could sleep in the clothes that she’s wearing if she needed to but would be more comfortable in something more loose fitting.

Nomi pulls two t-shirts and shorts out of her dresser. “Here ya go.” She hands Amanita a pair and goes to the bathroom to change. “I’ll be right back.”

When Nomi exits the bathroom, Amanita is standing awkwardly at the side of the bed. She notices the clothes she’s changed into, her clothes. The t-shirt a little baggy and the shorts fitting rather well in all the right places. “You look cute.”

Amanita looks down at herself. All she feels is awkward. She shrugs. She’s not sure what to do and waits for instructions.

Nomi peels the covers back on the bed and slips into the bed, covering herself up. “You coming?” She looks over at Amanita.

Amanita nods and gets into bed, mirroring the position Nomi has taken. They lay on their sides, facing each other. Amanita’s awkwardness fades away now that she is close to Nomi again and securely in the bed. “Did you have fun at the bar tonight?” She asks and tucks some hair behind Nomi’s right ear.

“I did. Did you?” Nomi asks with a yawn.

“I did. You look tired.”

Nomi nods against the pillow. “I guess I am.”

“Get some sleep.” Amanita leans in for a quick kiss.

Nomi nods. “I hope this doesn’t sound weird but would you hold me, at least until I fall asleep. You can do whatever you want after that.”

Amanita kisses the corner of Nomi’s mouth. “Roll over.” She tells Nomi.

Nomi rolls onto her opposite side and Amanita scoots up behind her body, stopping when her front presses into Nomi’s back. Amanita slips her left arm over Nomi’s hip. “How’s this?” She asks.

Nomi takes Amanita’s hand in hers. “Perfect. Thank you.”

“Sweet dreams.” Amanita whispers into Nomi’s ear and kisses the back of her head.

“Goodnight.” Nomi mumbles.


	7. Breakfast

Amanita wakes up in the morning, it’s light out, but she doesn’t know what time it is. She’s in an unfamiliar place and in a bed that’s not her own. She doesn’t want to disturb or wake up the slumbering girl beside her. She looks so peaceful, Amanita thinks, as she looks over Nomi. Amanita closes her eyes and tries to go back to sleep.

After laying there for about five minutes, Amanita knows she’s not going to be able to fall back to sleep. Her brain is awake and it’s thinking. So, she lays there and waits for Nomi to wake up. Amanita thinks about getting up and making coffee, but she doesn’t know if Nomi has any coffee or even a coffee maker. Plus, she doesn’t want to go snooping around Nomi’s apartment without permission and she doesn’t want to wake the woman either.

Nomi opens her eyes and the first things she notices is the girl laying in her bed with. The girl that is still here after everything she told her last night. The girl that is more than wonderful and that is currently smiling happily at her.

“Morning.” Amanita whispers.

The second thing Nomi notices is the pain behind her eyes. “Morning.” She says with a groan and closes her eyes again.

Amanita rests her palm on Nomi’s cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“My head is pounding.” Nomi whispers.

“Too much to drink?” Amanita asks.

Nomi swallows thickly and opens one eye to look at Amanita. “I don’t think so. I think it- last night was a big- a big night.”

Amanita nods. “It was.” She knows exactly what Nomi means. “Do you have any ibuprofen? Where is it? I’ll get it.” Amanita is already getting out of bed.

“In my bag. Back of the chair.”

Amanita crosses the room. She goes to the sink and gets a glass of water first, then goes to Nomi’s bag, rummaging through it for the bottle of ibuprofen. She takes the items back over to the bed when she finds the small bottle. “Can you sit up?” Amanita asks

Nomi pushes herself into a seated position with her back against the headboard, squinting into the morning light. Amanita stops at the side of the bed, holding out the glass for Nomi to take. She pops the cap off the bottle and jiggles two ibuprofen into her hand. Amanita holds out her hand again and waits for Nomi to do the same then drops the two pills into her hand.

“You’re lucky it’s not the Sunday that I have brunch with my mom.” Amanita says and turns around to return the bottle of pills to Nomi’s bag.

“Why?” Nomi asks after she swallows the pills and taking a big gulp of water.

Amanita spins around and smirks. “I would have to leave right away.” She returns to the side of the bed, sitting down on the edge, next to Nomi. “This way I can make sure you’re okay.” She leans in and press a kiss to Nomi’s cheek.

Nomi blushes under all the attention Amanita is giving to her. “I can take care of myself.”

“I never said you couldn’t. And I’m sure you can.” Amanita stares Nomi down. “But, I’m glad I can be here right now.”

“I’m glad you’re here.” Nomi says honestly. “Come here.” She says and purses her lips. Amanita meets Nomi for a kiss. “What’s this about brunch?”

“Oh.” Amanita grins. She stands and turns to kneel on the edge of the bed. Then crawling over Nomi’s legs and taking up a spot on the other side of her so she’s more in the middle of the bed. Amanita sits facing Nomi, folding her legs beneath her. “My mom and I have brunch every other Sunday.” She lays her palm on Nomi’s thigh and looks up into her eyes. For a moment Amanita is distracted by those beautiful blues. That catch her off guard and it takes a few moments to come back to her thoughts.

“I got that much.” Nomi whispers. She reaches for Amanita’s hand, covering it with her own, squeezing.

Amanita smiles. “We have brunch every other Sunday. My dads join us once a month. It’s kind of a tradition. I always go to her house for eleven. We eat and we talk and hang out. Sometimes, we’ll play a board game or listen to music or something. It’s really chill.”

“I’m sure your mom is really chill. Being a hippie and all.” Nomi smirks.

Amanita chuckles. “Yeah.” She flips her hand over, tangling it with Nomi’s, palm to palm, locking their hands together. “Maybe you can come one day.” She says what she wishes for.

Nomi thinks about it. She’s not so sure she likes the idea. Not that she doesn’t like the idea of brunch with Amanita and her parents, but more that she doesn’t want to intrude on their family and tradition. “Maybe.” She says. She knows it’s an invitation but can’t imagine how that would work out or what that would look like. Hell, she doesn’t have standing brunch dates with anyone in her own family. Nomi thinks she’ll just let Amanita have the time to her parents and not ruin that important time for them.

Amanita, somehow, doesn’t like that answer from Nomi. She wanted more. She was hoping for more than a non-committal _maybe_. “Could we maybe eat something when you feel like your head isn’t killing you anymore?” Amanita asks hopefully. She’s hungry and she hopes that Nomi is okay with her being here still.

Nomi hesitates, thinking about it.

“Or I could go. You probably want some time to process everything. I don’t blame you. I’ll just-“ Amanita starts taking her t-shirt off, Nomi’s t-shirt. She’ll just change and go home.

Nomi puts her hand on Amanita’s forearm before she can lift the top over her head. “Stop.”

Amanita wrinkles up her brow. “What?” She sits there awkwardly.

“Do you have somewhere to be?” Nomi asks.

Amanita shakes her head. She doesn’t have to work and no one is expecting her anywhere.

“Then we can have breakfast. But-“ Nomi runs a hand through her messy bedhead. “Is it okay if we stay here. I don’t want to leave the apartment.” Amanita nods. “And you’re right. I do want time to myself. To process. But, I want you here more, right now. I can process after later, after you go.”

Amanita tilts her head to the side and smiles. “Awesome.”

“And keep your clothes on.” Nomi mumbles.

“You mean your clothes.”

Nomi winks. “Exactly.” One, she doesn’t want to be tempted by exposed skin and Amanita was just about to remove her shirt. Two, she has a thing about seeing someone she really likes wearing her clothes. “How do you feel about eggs?”

“I like eggs.” Amanita says.

“Good. How do you like them? I’ll get up and start in a minute.” Nomi tells Amanita.

“Everything but poached.” Amanita tells her.

Nomi gets out of bed and makes a pit stop in the bathroom before heading into the kitchen. Amanita sits on the bed, scrolling through her phone as Nomi starts the coffee. Nomi looks over at Amanita sitting on her bed and smiles despite herself. “You wanna put some music on?” She asks.

“Sure.” Amanita scrolls through her phone before picking a playlist that she thinks will work. Soft jazz starts playing out of the speaker on her phone.

Nomi stands at the stove now. She looks over her shoulder to Amanita. “Do you want juice with your breakfast?” Nomi wonders about Amanita’s breakfast habits. What she likes? What she doesn’t like? If she is a regular coffee drinker? What her favorite breakfast food is?

“I don’t need any.”

“Good, cuz I don’t have any.” Nomi says and laughs and Amanita joins in.

Amanita goes from the bed to the table and sets her phone down. “Is there anything I can do?” She doesn’t want to be useless and awkward.

Nomi thinks it’s sweet of Amanita to ask. And she likes the idea of the two of them tackling breakfast together. “You could get the silverware and plates and pour the coffee.” Nomi instructs Amanita which drawer the silverware is in, which cupboard the plates are in, and where the mugs are located.

Amanita gets everything out and sets up the table and then pours the coffee. She turns around and looks over at Nomi, standing at the stove. She has a spatula in one hand as she sways her hips along to the music that is coming from Amanita’s phone.

She walks up behind Nomi, putting her hands on each of Nomi’s hip bones. Nomi jumps slightly but only in surprise before relaxing. Amanita presses up against Nomi, kissing the spot between her shoulder blades. She doesn’t say anything, just sways to the music in the same time as Nomi. Amanita thinks about how lovely this is. It’s simple and it’s honest and it’s real. She can’t believe it’s real, but it is. She feels warm and safe and like this is something she doesn’t ever want to let go. Amanita slips her arms around Nomi, wrapping them around her waist in a hug, closing her eyes, and taking a deep breath.

Nomi looks down at the arms that have made their way around her waist. The dark arms that belong to the most wonderful girl she has ever met. She, now, realizes that she doesn’t have any regrets about last night. Bringing Amanita into her home, telling Amanita that she’s trans, or asking Amanita to stay the night. None of it. Everything went so well last night. So much better than she could have imagined. Her biggest fear is always telling somebody she recently met and having them leave or not want to have anything to do with her anymore. She knows that if they leave then they weren’t meant to be in her life and that she’s better off without them but it still hurts. And after getting to know Amanita she didn’t want the woman to go. She like her way too much. With her open-mindedness, compassion, kindness, generosity, patience, accepting attitude, and general outlook on life. How could Nomi not want that in her life? As a friend or something more. Either way. Nomi thinks back to when they were first meeting and she told Amanita that she wasn’t looking for anything and how now she has a girlfriend.

“Holy shit.”

“What?” Amanita mumbles against Nomi’s back.

“I have a girlfriend.” She bites her lip to keep from smiling too big.

Amanita laughs. “Yeah. Me too.”

Nomi spins around in Amanita’s hold. “Holy shit.” She looks at Amanita with wide eyes.

“I know.” Amanita leans up for a kiss. “But, don’t forget about the eggs. Girlfriend.” She kisses Nomi quickly once more and steps away from her. “I don’t like burnt eggs.” She goes over and sits at the table, so Nomi can concentrate on making breakfast. Amanita watches every move that Nomi makes all the way up until she brings a heaping plate of scrambled eggs over to the table.

Amanita’s mouth waters. She’s hungrier than she thought. Her stomach rumbles at the sight and smell of the eggs. “Those look great.”

“How much?” Nomi asks, holding the big plate of eggs over Amanita’s empty plate.

Amanita looks from the eggs up to Nomi’s eyes. “Half.”

Nomi looks at her with wide eyes. “Half of this?” She clarifies.

“Yeah, I mean unless you want more than half, than I can eat less than half.”

Nomi chuckles. “You’re so silly.” She scoops half of the eggs onto Amanita’s plate.

“Thanks, egg lady.” Amanita gives Nomi an exaggerated smile, closing her eyes and grinning as big as she can so all her teeth show and her nose wrinkles up.

Nomi bends at the waist and kisses the top of Amanita’s head. She goes to put some eggs on her own plate, not half like Amanita, but a healthy amount. Nomi sits across from Amanita and they eat their eggs and takes sips of coffee. It’s mostly quiet between them as they eat. There are a lot of things to think about for Nomi and also for Amanita.

They do the dishes together after they are finished eating. Nomi washes and Amanita dries each item. They share soft smiles and happy glances. Amanita rests her hand on the small of Nomi’s back when they finish. “Thanks for breakfast. It was really yummy.” She leans up on her toes and presses a kiss to Nomi’s cheek.

“My pleasure.” Nomi grins.

Amanita is getting ready to depart. She gathers her things and moves towards the door.

“Text me when you get home, so I know you got there alright.” Nomi tells her girlfriend.

“I will. Thanks.” Amanita appreciates the sentiment and that Nomi cares about her general wellbeing and safety. “Okay, I’m gonna go. I’ll text you.” Amanita leans in and presses her lips to Nomi’s. “I’ll see you later.” Amanita whispers. “Take care of that headache, drink plenty of water.” She tells Nomi and with a wink slips out the door.

Nomi sighs contently. “She’s so good.”

* * *

 

On Monday Nomi calls up her sister. “Hey, T. What’s up?” Nomi asks with cheer in her voice.

“Not much. You?” Teagan asks.

“Oh, ya know. The usual stuff. How’s Tom?” Nomi asks and her phone dings in her ear. “Ope- hold on. I have a text.” Nomi pulls her phone from her ear so she can look at her message.

_What you up to tonite?_ The message reads.

Nomi types out a reply. _Working._ She brings the phone back to her ear. “Sorry, T. That was Amanita.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, she wanted to know what I was doing tonight.” Nomi informs her sister.

“What are you doing tonight?” Teagan asks. “Something with Amanita?” She teases.

Nomi chuckles. “No. I have lots of work to do.”

“So, you two are still talking and seeing each other?” Teagan asks.

Nomi grins like a slightly deranged person. “You could say that.”

“What does that mean?” Teagan wonders.

“She asked me to be her girlfriend, T.” Nomi cheeses. She feels so good at the thought of Amanita being her girlfriend.

“Wow. Congrats. Moving right along then.” Teagan jokes.

“Yeah. I told her the other night and she’s so amazing and wonderful and beautiful. Teagan, I think- I think-“

“Don’t say what I think you’re gonna say.” Teagan warns.

Nomi sighs. “I won’t. And I wasn’t going to say that. But, man, she makes me feel so good, in so many ways. I can’t even believe it.”

Teagan giggles. “That’s a good thing, Nom. That’s a good thing. And I’m glad it’s going well. I’m happy for you. So, when do I get to meet her?”

“Teagan, I don’t know.” Nomi sighs. She thinks it’s too early for that. “I’ve only known Amanita for little over a month.”

Teagan gets an idea. “My birthday is coming up. You’re coming, right?”

“Well, yeah.” Nomi isn’t really looking forward to it. Not that she isn’t looking forward to her sister’s birthday or celebrating with her. She’s not looking forward to having to be in the same room as her parents. It’s at a hotel so it’s not so bad but her parents will still be there, and something will most likely be said to her or about her that Nomi won’t like and will take offense to. Making it an unpleasant event.

“You should bring her.” Teagan dares to say.

Nomi laughs. Her phone dings in her ear again. “Hold on again, T.” She looks at the new message. _Work. Boo. If you need to take a break give me a call._

Nomi smiles. _I might have to take you up on that offer in a couple hours._ She writes.

“You know your mom would flip her gourd if I showed up with Amanita.”

Teagan shrugs. “Maybe, but come on Nomi. I want to meet this girl that you’re totally crushing on.”

“It’s more than a crush. Way more.” Nomi makes sure her sister knows.

Teagan laughs. “See. That just means you should bring her.”

Nomi doesn’t like the idea of bringing Amanita to her sister’s birthday party and subjecting her to her awful parents so soon. “But, your mother will totally go off on me for sure.”

“ _Your_ mother-“ Teagan emphasizes. “-can go fuck herself. It’s my party and I want you there. And I also want to meet your new girlfriend, so I’m inviting her.”

Nomi rolls her eyes. “You’re impossible.”

“No, you are.” Teagan says back.

Nomi chuckles. “Okay, bye, T. Talk to you later.” Nomi is done. Done discussing this subject with her sister.

“Hey, come on.” Teagan whines. “Nomi?”

Nomi hangs up on her sister. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair. Now Nomi has a dilemma on her hands and a decision to make. And it’s not one she can make lightly.


	8. Nomi

Nomi walks to the bookstore and gets there just as Amanita finishes her shift. “All ready to go?” Nomi says when she sees Amanita walking towards her. She didn’t even go inside. She just sent Amanita a text and waited by her motorcycle around the corner from the bookstore.

“Yep.” Amanita walks over to her girlfriend and her bike. She puts her hand on Nomi’s stomach and leans up to kiss her hello. Amanita hums into the kiss. “I’ve missed this.” She mumbles afterwards and licks her lips. “I’ve missed you.”

Nomi blushes. “I missed you too.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.” Amanita winks. “Lets go.” She puts on her leather jacket. “Ya know, I think we might have to get you a leather jacket of your own.”

Nomi smiles and nods, not knowing what to say.

They take Amanita’s bike to the movie theater.

“Sorry I’ve been busy with work all week.” Nomi mentions as they sit in the theater waiting for their movie to start.

“It’s okay. Gotta bring home that bacon.” Amanita smirks. “I’m glad you asked me to the movies though. A good way to end the week.” She leans over the armrest and presses her lips to Nomi’s cheek. “Any other plans for tonight?”

Nomi wants to talk to Amanita about meeting her sister. She just doesn’t know how she wants to go about it. “Maybe we could get some reason food after the movie. I want to talk to you about something.”

“Okay. I’ll need some real sustenance by then. Popcorn doesn’t make a meal, does it?” Amanita throws a few kernels of corn into her mouth.

The movie plays, and it goes by so quickly. They are walking out of the movie theater when Amanita stomach rumbles for more than just snack food to eat.

“So, I was thinking, there’s this burger joint not too far from here. You up for burgers? I go there all the time. Well, not all the time but you know what I mean. And their burgers are soooo good. They have all sorts of burger too. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.” Amanita hangs her tongue out of her mouth.

Nomi laughs. “Okay, keep your tongue in your mouth.”

Amanita shakes her hips. “What if I don’t want to?” She proposely sticks her tongue out as far as she can.

Nomi raises an eyebrow at Amanita. “You look like a dog.” She teases.

Amanita gasps in fake shock. “Ahh, no.”

“Yes.” Nomi chuckles.

“The cutest dog you ever seen, maybe.” Amanita turns and gives Nomi big puppy dog eyes.

Nomi throws her arm around Amanita’s shoulders, pulling her into her side. “The cutest.” She kisses Amanita’s temple.

“I knew it.” Amanita whispers.

* * *

 

With their burgers ordered, Amanita picks a table to sit at and wait for their food to be brought out.  Nomi thinks about her sister’s birthday. She thinks about what her sister wants. She thinks about what she wants too. And she thinks about what Amanita might want. She plays with Amanita’s right hand from across the table. She looks down at her pale ass hands with Amanita’s darker one. That’s one of the issues with this whole birthday party, meeting Teagan, seeing her parent’s thing. One of many, as far as her mother does.

“Do you have any nicknames?” Nomi has been meaning to ask Amanita all week.

“Don’t you like my name?” Amanita counters.

“What? No. I really like it actually. Do you know why your parents picked it?” Nomi asks. “It sounds- it rolls off the tongue.”

“It’s a genus.” Amanita says.

“A what?”

Amanita laughs. “You don’t know anything about taxonomy, do you?”

“I think I remember something from like seventh grade science class but not really.” Nomi shrugs.

“Taxonomy is the classification of something, especially organisms. Genus is a category in taxonomy. I like to think of it as an upside-down triangle. You’re starting broad and narrowing down to a specific plant or animal or human. Genus is the category below family and above species as far as plants go. It’s a little different categorization for humans. Like, how we’re Homo sapiens. Homo is the genus. And sapiens is the species. Amanita is a genus. A genus of mushrooms.”

Nomi looks at Amanita in confusion. “So, your parents named you after a mushroom.”

“A genus of mushrooms, but yes.” Amanita makes the same correction.

Nomi laughs. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah, leave it to my hippie-dippy parents.” Amanita rolls her eyes.

“How do you know all that? That science stuff.” Nomi asks.

Amanita shrugs. “Research about my name, I guess. My mom told me that Amanita was a genus of mushrooms but then she also told me if I wanted to know more that I would have to look it up myself. Always a teaching moment with my mother. So, I know a lot about mushrooms too, if you want to know about that.”

Nomi shakes her head. “Thanks for the science lesson but you never answered my question. Nicknames?”

“Right.” Amanita licks her lips. “My mom likes to call me Nita. Which I made her change from Anita. I didn’t like that when I was little. I’d throw a fit whenever she called me Anita, so she changed it to Nita which apparently was different enough for me to not throw a fit.” Amanita shakes her head. “I was such a goober sometimes.”

“I’m sure you were.” Nomi tries to imagine a little Amanita.

“That’s my mom. My dads’ use some form of that. I have a few friends that call me Neets. That’s about it though.”

“I like Neets. Fits you well.” Nomi nods.

“What about you?”

Nomi wonders if she should tell Amanita what her mother calls her. She doesn’t want to open that can of worms right now though. “Not really. My sister calls me Nom sometimes.”

Amanita nods. It’s hard to shorten an already short name.

“I say T sometimes when I’m talking to my sister. Actually, speaking of my sister, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Nomi sucks her lower lip into her mouth. “I’ve been struggling with this decision.”

“What is it?” Amanita furrows her brow. “Can I help?”

“It’s about you.”

Fear flashes across Amanita’s face. She gets scared for a minute and it shows on her face. Nomi sees it. She squeezes Amanita’s hand. “Don’t worry.”

But, Amanita worries. Her heartbeats faster than it should. “What is it?”

Nomi looks down at the table, at their hands. “I was talking to my sister and I may have mentioned that I have a girlfriend.” She looks up, locking eyes with the girl across from her.

Amanita’s worry slips away. “Really?” She asks and Nomi nods. Amanita beams and bounces excitedly in her chair.

“God, you’re so cute when you’re excited.” Nomi bites her lip.

“Psst girl, I’m cute all the time.” Amanita says smoothly.

Nomi half stands up, awkwardly, so she’s leaning across the table. She kisses Amanita fiercely before sitting back down. “True but Teagan’s birthday is coming up and I’m invited to go but she suggested that I bring you with. So basically, she invited you too, even though she doesn’t know you.”

“So, what’s the problem?” Amanita isn’t understanding the situation. “You don’t want me to go?” She guesses.

Nomi shrugs. “Yeah.”

Amanita looks down at the table and lets out a disappointed breath. “I see.” She wonders what it is about her that Nomi doesn’t want to show her sister.

“It’s not what you think.” Nomi says when she picks up on the shift in Amanita. “It has nothing to do with you. I mean, it does, in a way. I’m not ashamed to be with you or something stupid like that. I want to show you off. I want people to know that you’re are my girlfriend cuz you are amazing and funny and so smart. It’s got everything to do with my parents.”

“Oh.” It dawns on Amanita then that this is a bigger issue than she could have imagined before. There are reasons Nomi doesn’t talk about her parents or her childhood or anything really that involves her family.

Nomi looks around. There are too many people around them. She starts to feel claustrophobic. She doesn’t want strangers hearing her private conversation.

“Well, if you don’t want me there, that’s fine.” Amanita offers. She doesn’t want to put Nomi in a tough spot. She’s super bummed that she doesn’t get to meet Nomi’s sister or go to her party. She wants what’s best for Nomi and if that’s not being there, so be it.

“But, it’s not.” Nomi shakes her head vigorously. “Really, it’s not. Hey-“ She reaches out and lifts Amanita’s chin. “Look at me.” Amanita smiles sadly. “I want to talk about this. I want to tell you everything. It’s time. And it’s important that you know. I have a lot of baggage and I’m sorry that I do. But I can’t change that. So, it’s important and you need to know what I’m dealing with. But, not here, not in public.”

Amanita nods somberly. “Okay. We’ll eat and then we could go to your place.”

“Thank you.” Nomi gives Amanita a subdued smile. The whole mood of the evening has changed.

* * *

 

“I’m gonna have a glass of wine. You want one?” Nomi asks.

“Sure, I’ll take a glass.” Amanita puts her helmet down on the table and takes her jacket off, hanging it on the back of the chair. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom.”

“Kay.” Nomi gets the wine from the fridge and gets two glasses from the cabinet, pouring the wine, putting the bottle back, and heading over to the couch.

Amanita comes over and Nomi hands her a glass. “Thanks, hon.” She winks and takes a seat next to Nomi, folding one leg under herself and sitting sideways on the couch, so she’s facing Nomi.

Nomi sits on the couch the regular way. She sips her wine and thinks about what she’s about to do. There’s no going back once she tells Amanita of her history, her family history.

Amanita sits and watches Nomi. She can almost see the cogs turning in her brain. She puts her palm on Nomi’s forearm and Nomi turns her head to look over at Amanita. “You don’t have to do this.” Amanita tells her. She knows this is going to be difficult for Nomi.

Nomi lifts one side of her mouth into a crooked smile. “I do. I do because the feelings I have for you are strong. And I think, I feel like, you feel the same.”

“I do.” Amanita confirms.

“Then I need to do this.” Nomi takes a deep breath. “My parents and I don’t get along. More specifically, my mother and I don’t get along. We don’t see eye to eye on anything. This is why I don’t want you to go to Teagan’s birthday party. Cuz my parents will be there.”

“Don’t you get along with Teagan?” Amanita asks. She wants to make sure she has that right.

“I do. Teagan- Teagan’s pretty great. Teagan’s not the problem. I mean, we’ve had our fights and arguments, but all siblings do. But, for the most part she’s always supported me and my decisions.”

“Well, that’s good.” Amanita rubs Nomi’s arm.

“I was probably four years old when it started. Teagan would have been about two and starting to play with me. My parents got me all these ‘boy’ toys and I played with them until Teagan came into my world and she had different toys. I wanted to play with her toys, her dolls mostly, but my parents always told me those are for girls and that I couldn’t play with them.” Nomi takes another sip from her wine glass, collecting her thoughts.

“It was a few years later when I realized that I was different. I wanted to do things the girls in my class did. I wanted to stay inside and play with my little sister and my mom always made me go outside in play in the sandbox. I would mostly just go swing on the swing set. I didn’t understand my mother was forcing me to do these specific things. Teagan played outside but it was when she wanted to, my mother never _made_ her play outside.” Nomi explains. She stares straight ahead as the thoughts spin around in her mind.

“I became really awkward and uncomfortable in my own body. When I was eight, my dad thought it would be good for me to join the swim club. He had been on the same club when he was a boy and he wanted me to be on that club.” Nomi swallows the rest of her wine in one big gulp. She looks over to Amanita. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Nomi gets up and hurries over to the bathroom. She goes in and puts both of her hands on the edge of the skin, gripping hard. She stares at her reflection in the mirror. Nomi can see the pain in her own eyes. The pain that telling this story brings. She knows that she isn’t going to be able to keep it together for much longer. She uses the toilet and washes her hands. Nomi takes her glasses off and washes her face, clearing it from any makeup. She grabs the box of tissues before she exits the bathroom.

Amanita is in the same place that she was when Nomi left her. Nomi throws the box of tissues down on the couch next to Amanita. She picks up her wine glass. “You want more?” She asks. Amanita shakes her head. “I’ll just put these in the kitchen.” Nomi walks over to the kitchen, rinses out the glasses, and sets them on the counter before returning to Amanita. “You ready? She asks as she sits down. This time mirroring Amanita’s position, face her, with a leg tucked under herself.

Nomi takes a big breath again. “My dad made me join the swim club when I was eight. I hated it. I hated having to wear my swim trunks. I could handle it at first. That was until the other boys picked up on the fact that I was uncomfortable with myself and around them. They made fun of me, teased me, called me names.”

“Oh, I’m sorry honey.” Amanita says and reaches for Nomi’s hand.

Nomi chuckles cynically and looks into the distance, past Amanita. “That’s not the worst part. I started wearing a t-shirt with my trunks cuz you had to shower before you could get in the pool. They really cranked up the verbal abuse then. I just tried to ignore it and it worked until it didn’t. One day they cornered me, throwing their taunts and barbs and nasty words.” Nomi can feel the tears forming at the corners of her eyes, threatening to fall. “I think two of them grabs me by the arms, they ripped my shirt off, I tried to cover myself, but it was no use. They turned the water on, as hot as it would go. They pulled me over and held me under the scalding water for what felt like hours.” The tears release from Nomi’s eyes, slowly sliding down her face. She looks over at her girlfriend and shakes her head slightly.

Amanita reaches out and wipes away Nomi’s tears, but they just keep falling. She feels like crying herself but is holding it together, but only slightly.

Nomi takes a shaky breath and pushes on. “The water was so hot. Later, I found out that somehow that water came directly from the boiler.”

“Oh my god.” Amanita whispers, tears now falling from her own eyes.

“Yeah. Those boys held me there until my skin turned red, and longer. They held me there until the skin on my stomach started to blister and burn.” Nomi lifts her shirt. “I still have some small scars on my stomach from it.”

Amanita looks down at the skin. She sees the small scars that dot Nomi’s stomach and loses her composure. The tears fall freely and she looks up into Nomi’s eyes, she asks without saying words. Nomi nods and Amanita reaches out, gently tracing over the scars with her fingertips. “Fucking bastards.” Amanita mumbles. She finishes her gentle strokes and looks up at Nomi’s face. “Come here.” She pulls Nomi into a crushing hug. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, sweetie.”

Nomi nods against Amanita and holds onto her tightly. They remain in an embrace for several moments until Amanita pulls back and takes Nomi’s face in her hands. “I’m sorry.” She whispers, and kisses Nomi’s lips, kisses her tear-stained tears, kisses her forehead as her own tears continue to fall. Amanita sits back and looks at the painful image in front of her. Her heart breaks. Amanita reaches for the box of tissues and pulls some out. She wipes her eyes and blows her nose before handing a tissue to Nomi. Nomi blows her nose too.

“I hope they got their asses handed to them for what they did.” Amanita spits. She’s angry.

Nomi shakes her head. “After, I changed back into my clothes and went home. I hid in my room the rest of the day and never told anybody what happened. I never went back to the swim club either.” She cries but doesn’t bother to wipe away the tears as they fall.

“By age ten, I knew _for sure_ that I didn’t have the right body, that I was born with the wrong body. I was young, so I didn’t understand what that meant in totality, but I knew.”

“At some point my mother put me in therapy. She told me all the time that I was such a difficult child. In her own way, I suppose, she thought she was doing me a service, helping me. What she didn’t know when she signed me up for therapy was, that I would then truly begin to understand who I was and what was going on. And that she would find out too. That she ended up finding out more than she wanted to know or admit. I eventually told the therapist I had the wrong body and he told my mother.” Nomi says bluntly.

“She wanted joint therapy sessions after that. I would do my session and then she would come in and we’d have one together. We would scream at each other in therapy. I became sort of a rebel. I didn’t listen to her or anything she told me to do. I was troubled in my parent’s eyes. Not that my father ever voiced his opinion. He was distant and apathetic to my life. He’s a lawyer. He worked all the time and provided for the family. That was his contribution. It almost felt like he saw everything, saw me, from a distance. On the periphery. My mother wanted to fix me. Make me normal. She wanted me to be well behaved like Teagan. She didn’t want any trouble from me. She wanted me to be polite and conform to her ideals for me. She wanted me to be the boy version of Teagan.”

Nomi sighs sadly. “And I couldn’t do that.”

“By my teenage years, the dysphoria was real. So real. Everybody’s bodies at school were changing. Mine was changing too but not in the ways I wanted it to. I felt awkward every waking moment of every day. I wanted long hair, I wanted to just look the way I felt and that was beyond frustrating.” Nomi picks at the fabric of her pants as distraction for her anxious hands.

“On my thirteenth birthday, I got a computer. Rich parents had its perks, I won’t deny that. And I was able to escape my reality. On the internet. I could be who I knew I truly was. I got to escape my parents, the pressure that my mother put on me to conform. That was a true blessing. I developed these two completely different lives. Thinking back, it’s heartbreaking to know that I had to do that, and that I did do it. But that was what I had to do to survive. I’d be lying if I told you that I never thought of suicide. Cuz I did. But I never made an attempt.”

Amanita inhales a big breath at the revelation, it’s surprising, but not shocking with everything Amanita is learning about Nomi’s life right now. She reaches out and takes Nomi’s restless hands into her own, rubbing her thumbs over Nomi’s soft skin, trying to soothe the ache. Her own or Nomi’s, she’s not sure.

“I would grow my hair as long as I could. That was until my mother made me cut it for some function or event that I was required to attend. I had lots of shaggy hair as a result, but it never really was allowed to get any longer than that.” Nomi chuckles.

“I spent _all_ of my free time on the computer. I stayed in my room whenever I was home. My mother never fought me on that one. I was required to eat meals with the family, but I didn’t need to hang out with them or watch tv or play games or whatever they did with their time when they were home. I waited. I couldn’t wait for my eighteenth birthday to come. I knew that when I became an adult I had a chance. I could do what I wanted. I could be who I really was. I could make the changes that I wanted to make.”

“I was eighteen and graduating high school. My parents threw me a graduation party but I didn’t show up. My mother was furious. But Teagan said she got drunk and forgot about it. It wasn’t really a party for me anyway. And I knew that. I didn’t have any friends. Well, not any high school aged friends. And not any friends that weren’t on the internet. It was just a party for her rich socialite friends. I didn’t care. I was free. Finally. I was eighteen, a high school graduate, I was going to start college in the fall. But more importantly, I was able to start my new life. I actually could now. I thought about starting my transition when I turned eighteen but that was in August before my senior year even started. I feared a repeat of what happened in the showers at the swim club or worse. So, I decided to wait til I was done with school. I could start fresh. I had been going to a therapist since I turned eighteen. A different one than the one my mother forced me to go to when I was younger. And gone to see a doctor. All behind my mother’s back, of course. I started on estrogen on July first.”

“When I turned nineteen, I told my family that I would be going by Nomi from now on and using female pronouns.” Nomi chuckles thinking back to her nineteenth birthday. “My birthday cake had Happy 19th Birthday Michael written on it. My mother was so mad that she swatted the cake right off the table onto the floor. What a mess.” Nomi laughs cryptically.

“Michael.” Amanita whispers the name, remembering it, filing it away in her mind.

“In a way, my mother, my parents, probably think they were doing what was best for me. No, they think they were doing what’s best for Michael. But, the thing they don’t understand is that I’m not Michael so whatever they try to do for him is useless cuz Michael no longer exists as far as I’m concerned, and he hasn’t for a long time but try telling that to my parents.” Nomi looks down at her hands in Amanita’s, it’s a comfort. Makes getting through all of this a tiny bit easier.

“I went to college as Nomi and from then on that was it. Even the easiest of transitions is super difficult; so anytime anyone transitions, and they don’t have all the support they need it’s extra super difficult. I had Teagan and she tried to get my parents to understand, but they never have and I don’t think they ever will. They don’t accept me as me, as Nomi.”

Amanita sniffles and wipes at her tears with a tissue. She’s not sure she’s ever heard of a sadder story. She has an entirely new respect for Nomi and everything she’s gone through.

“The summer after my second year of college I had sex reassignment surgery. On the same day that I started hormones two years before. July first. I was six weeks from my actual twenty-first birthday. But, that day was my first birthday. Every year since I celebrate between the first and the fourth of July. Most years on the first, but one year on the fourth cuz I was busy. And there’s the fourth of July and all.”

Amanita lets the tears rolls silently down her face. She can’t stop crying. “I’m so sorry you had to go through with all that. And I know why you didn’t want to tell me. That’s painful and terrible and all sorts of other negative things. I’ll never understand why people can’t understand and accept people who are different from them.”

“People are afraid of anyone or anything that is different from themselves. We’re afraid of what we don’t know.” Nomi comments.

Amanita sniffles, trying to stop crying. “And I completely understand now if you don’t want me to go to Teagan’s birthday.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. Not right now. But, maybe we can meet with Teagan for dinner in the next couple weeks. Just us and Teagan.” Nomi offers a solution.

“I would like that.” Amanita says softly. “I want to get to know your sister. She seems great.”

Nomi nods. “She is.” She rubs under her eyes, rubbing the tears away. They’ve slowed considerably but a few keep leaking out here and there. Nomi knows she must look like a mess, but she also knows that Amanita probably doesn’t mind because she’s been crying too.

“Ugh, wow, I can’t believe I got through all that in one sitting.” Nomi sighs, relieved.

Amanita shakes her head lightly. “I have an entirely new respect for you. You’re so strong and independent and proud of yourself. I never would have imagined all that. I don’t really know what to say right now. Just wowzers.”

“Thanks. It’s taken a lot of work to get where I am today. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically too, I guess.” Nomi smiles. She is proud of herself.

Amanita’s head swirls with thoughts and questions. One pops to the forefront. “Um could I- can I- would it be alright if I-“ She sighs and takes a deep breath. “May I see a photo?” She says quietly. Amanita doesn’t want to upset Nomi more than she already is. And doesn’t know if asking to see a photo of Nomi as a child is trigger.

“Oh.” Nomi is caught off guard by that question. She briefly wonders about all the new questions that must be swirling about in Amanita’s head.

Nomi gets up and goes over to the table she has her laptop on and grabs the item. Amanita watches silently as Nomi returns to her on the couch, laptop in hand. Nomi sits down directly next to Amanita. She opens the laptop and starts clicking on various things and files until a file with pictures opens up. “Here.” She holds the laptop out over Amanita’s lap.

Amanita slides the computer onto her lap. “What-“ She looks at Nomi for an explanation.

“This folder is all the old photo that I have. There’s probably a dozen or so. Go ahead.” Nomi says. She watches as Amanita clicks on the first thumbnail.

It’s silent as Amanita looks through all the photos. Carefully, she examines the picture one at a time. Quite a few of them are of a very awkward looking boy and she feels terrible for that boy. The last photo is of a teenager with a mop of hair that comes down to just about cover the eyes. There’s a brilliant smile in this photo that most of the rest didn’t have. “What’s this?” Amanita dares to ask.

Nomi shrugs. “I think that was Teagan’s twelfth birthday party. I was being such an ass to my parents by that point. They got me a gift just to shut me up during the party. I don’t remember what it was, but I was thrilled that I had something to do and to distract myself with.”

“Cute.” Amanita mumbles. She looks over at Nomi. “Thank you.” She says sincerely and hands the computer back to Nomi.

Nomi nods and closes the laptop. She gets up and puts it back on the table.

“You have quite a bit of computer stuff.” Amanita mentions. “What is all that stuff? I mean, I don’t know much about computer. Just your basic shit, I guess. I know how to use one. I’ve never seen all that stuff you have over there.”

Nomi presses her lips together tightly. One serious topic at a time, she thinks. Nomi spins around. “It’s for work. I’ll tell you some other time. Just remind me. But, not today.”

Amanita nods. She yawns, feeling drained. She thinks about her options. Amanita doesn’t want to invite herself, but she doesn’t want to leave Nomi or her place tonight. Also, Amanita doesn’t know if she should be riding her bike home. Her head aches dully and her eyes are all dry and itchy from the tears. She rubs at her eyes as she thinks of it.

“I probably shouldn’t ride home tonight.” She says and looks up at Nomi who is standing in front of her.

Nomi’s lips curl up at one side. “I’d love it if you stayed over again.” She holds out her hand towards Amanita.

Amanita smirks and puts her hand in Nomi’s palm. “I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. How do you not feel the same way?”

“Oh, I do.” Nomi pulls Amanita up from the couch. “I’ve just been through this a few times. I can manage it better.”

“Props to you for that. I probably look like shit. You look great.”

Nomi chuckles, pulling Amanita in for a kiss. She wraps her arms around Amanita, resting her hands on the small of her back. She feels so much better already, just having Amanita close, just having her in her arms, just having her lips on hers. Nomi breaks the kiss after a few moments. She takes in a deep breath. She breaths in Amanita and everything that she is. It grounds Nomi.

Amanita wraps Nomi in a tight hug, starting to sway them back and forth softly.

“What are you thinking about?” Nomi asks.

“Sleeping with you.”

“Oh, really?” Nomi peels back from Amanita with quirked eyebrows.

Amanita smiles. “You know what I mean.”

“Do I?” Nomi teases.

Amanita rolls her eyes. “There’s been so much emotion. Let’s just- let’s just-“

Nomi nods, knowing exactly what Amanita has in mind. “Okay.” She leads Amanita over to the bed by her hand. Nomi pulls the blankets back and then pulls her pants down her legs and slides into the bed. Amanita watches and then copies Nomi’s actions.

They face one another. “Thanks you.” Nomi says.

Amanita shakes her head. “Don’t thank me.” She presses her index finger to Nomi’s lips. “I feel like a should thank you for sharing your story with me. You were right. It’s important. So very important. You are so very important.” She moves her finger and kisses Nomi.

“Can we talk about something else until we fall asleep? Tell me about your week. Tell me about work.” Nomi requests.

Amanita giggles. “My work is boring. What about you’re work? What have you been up to that kept you busy for an entire week so much so that you couldn’t meet up with me?”

“It’s top secret.” Nomi says with a playful smile.

Amanita wrinkles up her forehead. “I thought you were a blogger. Or columnist. Or whatever. You don’t work for the government, do you? I don’t know if I can date someone who works for the government.”

Nomi chuckles. “No. I don’t work for the government. Don’t worry. Tell me about your week. I want every little detail.” Nomi wants to just listen to Amanita tell her about non-serious stuff. She doesn’t want to have to use a lot of brain power anymore today. She thinks she already used most of it up. “Please, I want to listen to your voice. Tell me anything. A story.”

“Oh, honey.” Amanita kisses Nomi. She slides her hand onto Nomi’s hip, feeling the skin there, sliding her fingers up underneath Nomi shirt, mindlessly stroking at Nomi’s side and lower back.

Nomi curls into Amanita’s touch, sighing, loving the connection. She focuses on Amanita’s eyes and every little movement of her face as she talks.


	9. Teagan

“We’ll met you for dinner. You pick the day. Amanita works til four, so it’ll have to be after five.” Nomi tells her sister over the phone.

“Who eats before five? Only old people.” Teagan says sarcastically.

Nomi rolls her eyes. “After five. What day?”

“Let’s see. My party is Saturday afternoon. And Tom and I are celebrating Friday night. How about Thursday. I don’t get done with work til 5:15 though. So, let’s make it for six. Do you think you can wait that long to eat, Grandma?”

“Shut up, Teagan.” Nomi scolds her sister. “Where do you want to meet?”

Teagan shrugs. “Doesn’t matter to me. You can pick.”

“Okay. I’ll think about it and text you. Thursday at six though. I’ll let Amanita know.” Nomi says. “So, are you actually excited about your birthday?”

“Mmmh. I guess. It’s different now that I’m out of school and have a job and am a proper adult, ya know.”

“Oh, I know. You’re all grown up now, T.” Nomi chuckles. “Welcome to the real world, where birthdays don’t matter, and you still have to work and be responsible on them.”

“Yeah.” Teagan mumbles. “Well, I’m looking forward to meeting your girlfriend. Oh- hold on- Tom’s calling me. Gotta go, Noms. See ya Thursday.” Teagan says and promptly hangs up.

* * *

 

“How many?” The maître d’ asks.

“Three. We’re waiting for one more.” Nomi says and looks around the restaurant to make sure that Teagan hasn’t arrived yet and is seated somewhere.

“Would you like to be seated or do you want to wait for the third party?” The maître d’ asks.

Nomi looks to Amanita, asking her with a look. Amanita nods. “We can sit.”

“Okay, follow me please.” They are led to a table for four.

“Where do you want to sit?” Amanita asks Nomi.

Nomi takes a moment to think about it. She wants Teagan across from herself but would also like Amanita across from her. “You sit next to me and Teagan can sit across from us.”

Amanita nods and pulls a chair out from the table, looking at Nomi with a tight-lipped smile.

“Thanks.” Nomi says shyly and has a seat in the chair Amanita pulled out for her. She slides the chair towards the table with Amanita’s help.

Amanita pulls her own chair out and has a seat. They look over the menu while they wait. Nomi orders a drink and Amanita gets a water. She’s a little nervous if she admits. “I hope this goes well.” Amanita rubs her clammy palms on her pants.

Nomi looks over at Amanita and can see the nerves in her eyes. “Don’t worry, babe.” She puts her left hand on Amanita’s thigh and gives it a squeeze. “Teagan’s harmless. And she’s gonna like you.”

Amanita chuckles awkwardly. “I sure hope so. I want to make a good first impression.”

Nomi leans over and presses a kiss to Amanita’s cheek. “Just be yourself. And don’t try too hard.”

Amanita nods. “Easier said than done.” She reaches for her glass and takes a big gulp of water.

“Oh, here she comes now.” Nomi spots her sister walking towards their table and waves a little wave at her sister.

Teagan smiles at her sister, her eyes leaving Nomi and falling onto the woman next to her. Teagan walks up to the table. “Well, hello.” She says.

Amanita stands up. “Hi, I’m Amanita.” She holds her hand out to shake Teagan’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” She says in a formal manner.

Teagan smiles. “Likewise. Teagan.” She reaches out her hand and shakes the offered hand. She looks Amanita up and down, thinking that Nomi’s description didn’t do Amanita justice. She thinks maybe Nomi was probably trying to be modest with her description of the woman.

Nomi watches closely as Teagan inspects her girlfriend, looking for obvious flaws, no doubt. But, Nomi knows she won’t find any.

Teagan sits down across from Nomi and Amanita takes that as a sign to return to her chair. Nomi reaches for Amanita’s hand under the table as they all get situated. “We ordered drinks but not food yet. We were a little early. Amanita didn’t want to be late.” She squeezes Amanita’s hand and looks to her with a teasing smile.

Amanita rolls her eyes at Nomi. “This is important. You shouldn’t be late for important things.” She states her opinion.

“I agree. So, you two have been studying the menu. What should I have?” Teagan says and opens the menu on the table in front of her.

“I think I’m gonna have the smoked salmon.” Amanita says.

“Hmm.” Teagan hums.

“Teagan doesn’t like fish.” Nomi supplies.

Teagan looks over the top of her menu over at Amanita. “It’s the texture. I can’t do it.”

Amanita nods. “What about you, Nomi?”

“I don’t know yet. The salmon actually sounds good, but I don’t want to get the same thing as you. That’s weird.” Nomi explains her thoughts.

“Well-“ Amanita bumps into Nomi’s shoulder with her own, sort of leaning up against her. “-I’ll let you have some of mine if I can have some of yours.” She looks up at Nomi through her eyelashes.

Nomi looks into Amanita’s eyes and nods. She likes that idea. She wants to just lean in and kiss Amanita with the way her girlfriend is looking at her. The hint of a smirk on her lips, the little bit of mischief in her eyes. “What should I get then?” She wants Amanita’s input if they are going to share their meals.

Teagan witnesses the exchange and knows that they are off in their own world right now. She brings them back to earth. “Can I share too?” Teagan asks jokingly.

“No.” Amanita and Nomi say in unison and laugh afterwards.

Teagan smiles at the happy couple in front of her.

* * *

 

“Teagan, Nomi told me that your birthday is this week and that you are having a little get together. I just want you to hear it from me. I won’t be attending. I know that I’ve been invited and thank you very much for the invite, but I won’t be coming.” Amanita tells Teagan.

“Ahhh, come on. Why not?” Teagan whines.

Amanita looks to Nomi. “Cuz Nomi doesn’t want me to go.” She tells Teagan, still looking at Nomi. Nomi gives Amanita a small thankful smile.

“Do you do everything Nomi says?” Teagan asks, looking back and forth between the two of them.

Amanita smiles and shares another look with Nomi. She shrugs. “More or less.”

Nomi chuckles.

Teagan rolls her eyes. “Wow.” She thinks Nomi and Amanita really gel well if they are already pulling this crap on her. “Fine just team up against me.”

“It’s not against you. I’m just with Nomi.” Amanita says and leans over to press a kiss to Nomi’s cheek. “She doesn’t think it’s a good idea that I come. And I respect that.”

Teagan knows she can’t really argue with that. She knows it’s not the best idea. But she also knows it would be fun to see her mother’s reaction if Nomi shows up with Amanita. Teagan knows that’s a twisted way of thinking, but she can’t help it. She wants to support and stand up for her sister but at the same time doesn’t want to alienate herself from her parents.

“I just- Nomi never brings anyone to these kinds of things. I’m not sure she actually has any friends.” Teagan smirks, snarky.

“I have friends.” Nomi defends lamely.

“Have you met any of these _friends_?” Teagan asks Amanita, doing air quotes around the word friends.

Amanita hums a note. “Well, no.”

“I have friends.” Nomi says emphatically.

Teagan laughs. “Prove it.”

Nomi huffs out an annoyed breath and folds her arms over her chest. “I’m not doing this.”

“Cuz you don’t have friends?” Teagan teases.

Amanita puts a hand on Nomi’s arm. “Hey, look at me.” Nomi slides her eyes to the side to look at Amanita. “I believe you.” She whispers, trying to get Nomi to mellow out again.

Nomi sighs and takes a few deep breathes. She uncrosses her arms and put her hands in her lap. Amanita takes Nomi’s left hand in her own right away, brushing her thumb across Nomi’s skin softly.

“You guys are cute.” Teagan mumbles. She not sure if she’s saying it for herself or for them. Either way they all hear it. Nomi blushes and ducks her chin to her chest. “What if we come to a compromise?”

Nomi looks back to her sister and raises an eyebrow, questioning her sister’s sentence.

“You both come to my party but-“ Teagan raises her hand for Nomi to not say anything before she finishes her thought. “-I say hello to Amanita and then she leaves.”

“Like dropping Nomi off?” Amanita wonders.

“Yeah, exactly. What do you think, Noms?” Teagan looks to her sister for approval. “She could drop you off, say hello, and go. And then pick you up at the end. She doesn’t have to come in if you don’t want. I just think- you know what forget it- it’s up to you. I just thought maybe you could actually bring someone for once but like baby steps, ya know.”

“We’ll see.” Nomi says, not shooting down the idea but not agreeing to it either.

* * *

 

At the end of dinner, Teagan pulls Nomi aside as they are getting up to leave. Amanita notices this out of the corner of her eye and knows not to disturb the sisters. “I approve.” Teagan whispers to Nomi.

Nomi scoffs. “Gee, thanks. I should say something snotty like ‘I don’t need your approval’ but-“ Nomi sighs contently. “-it actually means a lot to me. Amanita was nervous about meeting you and making a good first impression.”

“Well, you can tell her she gets an A from me.” Teagan winks.

“Just an A? Not an A plus?” Nomi asks.

Teagan shakes her head slightly, moving on. “Amanita seems like a good egg.”

Nomi nods. “She sure is.” She looks over at Amanita, who is watching them talk but keeps her distance. She sends Amanita a gentle smile. “Thanks, T.”

“I still think you need to bring her to my birthday.”

“Not happening.” She claps Teagan on the back.

“Why not? Seriously?”

Nomi sighs. “Cuz I want her around and I don’t want our parents scaring her off.”

Teagan frowns and nods sadly. She understands that.

They go out in front of the restaurant to say their goodbyes. Teagan hugs Nomi and then Amanita. “I’ll see you _both_ on Saturday.” She points her finger at each of them. Amanita and Nomi both nod.

Teagan gets into a cab and Nomi turns to Amanita. “You know why I don’t ever bring anyone?”

Amanita shakes her head.

“Cuz my mother never liked anyone I brought around when I was young. And, so, I just stopped bringing anyone to events that my mother was going to be at.” Nomi says and gets into the waiting cab.

Amanita knows that it’s nothing against her, but it feels damn well like it’s against her. She shouldn’t take it personally but somehow the words sting a little.

* * *

 

Amanita pulls the bike up into front of the hotel, shutting the engine off. She waits for Nomi to take her helmet off and get off the motorcycle.

Teagan leaves her mother’s side when she sees the motorcycle pull up in front of the hotel. She steps through the sliding doors and waves at Amanita.

Janet wonders where her daughter is going. They are supposed to be greeting guests in the lobby and showing them to the room that the birthday is taking place in. She steps over to the lobby entrance and looks through the glass of the windows and watches as Teagan approaches a motorcycle with two occupants. The driver removes their helmet and Janet tilts her head to the side. She doesn’t recognize the person. She didn’t know Teagan knew any motorcycle driving black women. She watches as Teagan starts talking to the driver. She watches as the passenger on the motorcycle starts to pull their helmet off. Janet takes a step backwards when she recognizes who it is. She holds onto a pillar in the lobby to keep from falling over in shock.

“Hey, I’m glad you decided to come, to drop Nomi off.” Teagan tells Amanita. “I bet Nomi begged you to not bring her today.” She says in a snarky manner.

Nomi reaches out and shoves her sister.

“Well, it’s good to see you Amanita. I need to get back inside. You ready Nom?”

Nomi nods, getting off the back of Amanita’s motorcycle. “Just a second.”

Nomi attaches her helmet to the back of the motorcycle and then goes to face Amanita. “Text me when you’re done.” Amanita tells her, leaning in for a kiss.

“I will.” Nomi kisses Amanita. Afterwards, letting out a long breath, not wanting to go into the party.

“Try to have some fun, honey.” Amanita puts her helmet back on.

“Aww.” Teagan coos.

Amanita chuckles and shakes her head. “Have a piece of cake for me.” She says with a wink.

Nomi nods and leans in for one more kiss.

Amanita starts her bike. Teagan hooks Nomi’s arm and spins them around, heading towards the hotel lobby.

Janet witnesses the whole scene.

* * *

 

Nomi goes into the conference room and looks around. She sees a few people that she knows. Nomi goes over to her father to say hello, first. After that, she says hello to a few of Teagan’s friends from high school. Most of the rest of the people in the room are friends of Teagan’s that she doesn’t know or friends of her parents that she doesn’t care to talk to. Somehow, her parents always find a way to invite their friends to parties that have nothing to do with them. Her mother will say _they are family friends, they deserve to be invited._ Whatever that means. Speaking of her mother, Nomi hasn’t seen her yet. She shrugs it off and goes to the bar to get a drink.

“You know the birthday girl?” The bartender asks.

“You make it sound like she’s eight.” Nomi says dryly, continuing to look around.

The bartender chuckles. “Well, I met her. I know she’s not.”

“Good.” Nomi takes a sip from her drink.

“So, you gonna answer my question?” The bartender asks.

Nomi stares at him. She looks him up and down. “What’s your name?”

“Michael.” The bartender replies.

Nomi laughs. Hard. Cynically.

“What?” The bartender, Michael, asks.

“She’s my sister.” Nomi answers his original question, shaking her head.

“Oh.” Michael isn’t sure where to go next with their little conversation. Being a bartender, you get used to talking to strangers. It’s a bartender thing. They are experts in small talk. “So, you here with anyone?” He wonders why she is sitting at the bar all alone at her sister’s birthday.

“No. Why?” Nomi eyes him suspiciously.

Michael raises his hands in the air. “Just a question. You’re just sitting at the bar, alone, at a party. That’s all.”

“Yeah.” Nomi nods and takes another sip of her drink. ”Thanks for reminding me.”

Janet approaches Nomi at the bar. “Michael.”

“Yes.” The bartender says.

Janet and Nomi both stare at him.

“What?” He asks.

Janet shakes her head dismissively. She ignores the bartender’s presence, turning to Nomi. “You know that motorcycles are dangerous.”

Nomi turns to look at her mother for the first time. “Soooo, you saw that?” She folds her arms over her chest, defensively.

“Listen, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life but-”

Nomi interrupts. “Yes, you are. You always do.”

“I’m gonna be over there.” The bartender points to the other end of the bar and then walks over to where he pointed when he notices the tone of the conversation.

Janet rolls her eyes. “A leather jacket?” She picks at the shoulder of the jacket that Nomi is wearing. “You know you can hang _this_ on the coat rack over there.”

“I know that mother. I choose not to.” Nomi holds her head up high.

Janet shakes her head. “Why are you being so difficult, Michael?”

“I’m not.”

“Motorcycles, leather jackets, some random black chick. These aren’t things you should be doing. Choices you should be making. That’s not the lifestyle you should be living. We raised you better than that. Did you go and do something stupid like join a biker gang?” Janet questions everything that she witnessed when the motorcycle pulled up outside the hotel. “And who is that woman? The leader of the gang?” Janet’s voice begins to raise, whether she wants it to or not.

Calmly, sternly, defensively Nomi speaks. “She’s my girlfriend. And her name is Amanita. And I don’t care what you have to say about it.”

“Mom.” Teagan comes over. She noticed her mother interrogating Nomi and decided it was time to intervene. “I hope we are acting like civilized adults over here.” Teagan looks between Nomi and their mother.

“I am.” Nomi smirks.

Janet scoffs. “No civilized adult rides a motorcycle and wears a leather jacket.” She folds her own arms over her chest, taking up a similar position as Nomi. “Did you know about this?” She asks Teagan.

“Know about what?” Teagan asks.

“Michael. Riding on a motorcycle with some biker chick?” Janet stares down Teagan, waiting for an answer from her.

“I did.” Teagan nods. “And you’ve got it wrong, mom. Amanita is not some biker chick.”

“Oh, and you would know?” Janet asks.

“Yes, I had dinner with Nomi and Amanita the other day. Nomi has only good things to say about Amanita and I’ve met her. She’s a good person. I actually invited her here today, but Nomi put the brakes on that one right away. Probably cuz she knew something like this, right here, right now, would happen.”

The three share looks for a moment. Nomi gets up. “Sorry, T. I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers.” She slips between Teagan and her mother. Nomi goes to the other end of the bar to sit by the bartender.

“Why do you always have to do stuff like this?” Teagan huffs under her breath to her mother.

“I’m not doing anything except for looking out for Michael’s best interests.” Janet nearly whines.

“No.” Teagan shakes her head. “You’re not.”

* * *

 

Nomi sits at the end of the bar with her drink. The bartender leaves her to herself. After witnesses the awkward encounter at the other end of the bar he knows it’s none of his business. He gets Nomi the drinks that she requests and stays to himself and his job.

Teagan comes over and sits down on the stool next to Nomi. “I’d ask if you’re having a good time but-“

Nomi takes a sip of her drink. “What do you want?” She asks in a chilly manner.

Teagan can see that Nomi is all up in her own head. “Don’t take to heart what mom said.”

“I never do.” Nomi mumbles.

“Okay. You know I got your back, right?” Teagan asks. She doesn’t get any kind of response from Nomi, so she continues on. “I think you and Amanita are a good match. I saw it firsthand. Don’t let mom ruin that for you. Don’t give up on that.” Teagan looks around and waits. Nomi isn’t giving her anything. She’s pretty much shut down.

Teagan tries to change the conversation, to get Nomi’s mind on anything other than their mother. She thinks talk of Amanita might help. “So, how are things going with you and Amanita? I mean things seem good.”

“They are.” Nomi tips her glass back, dropping a piece of ice into her mouth.

“The conversation, the connection, the communication? How’s all that?” Teagan tries to talk about Amanita. She thinks Nomi might talk about her girlfriend above all else right now. “The sex?”

Nomi stares at the glass in front of her. She tries not to move, not to change anything about her demeanor. Like she didn’t hear the question. “Bartender? I think my glass is empty.” She needs a distraction. She needs a way out of this conversation.

“Nomi?” Teagan asks.

Nomi watches the bartender pour another drink. “What?”

“Oh my god.” Teagan leans in closely to Nomi’s side. “You haven’t, have you?”

Nomi sighs, giving in. She shakes her head.

Teagan leans in close to Nomi’s face. She whispers. “You gotta test the waters, girl. Everything else is good.”

Nomi turns to Teagan. “Look, it’s complicated. There’s more to think about than just sex. I have to protect myself first and make sure this is going to stick. I have to protect my head and my heart. It’s not that simple for me. You know that.”

Teagan ducks her head and nods. “Sorry, I know. I just- sorry Nom. It’s just you guys have been dating for over a month and-“

Nomi nods. “I know. And it’s not like it hasn’t- hasn’t come up. There’s so much more going on. It’s not exactly on the top of my list. I have a lot of baggage that I have to get through first before I can even go there but I think I’m getting close.”

“Well, Amanita seems wonderful and I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.” Teagan mentions.

Nomi furrows her brow. “I’m not worried. Should I be? Why would I be worried?”

Teagan grabs her sister’s arm. “No. Listen to me, that was dumb of me to say. I’m sorry. Don’t worry, I’m sure it will be fine. I’m gonna go have them serve the cake now. Just sit here, relax, and enjoy your piece of cake.”

Teagan runs off and Nomi wonders about what she just said. She can’t help but worry now. She doesn’t know what she’s really worrying about though. She wonders what Teagan meant. She wonders about Amanita and if there’s some sort of expectation there when it comes to sex. She wonders if there’s a certain amount of time that shouldn’t pass. She wonders if that time has come and gone and now it’s going to be awkward. She wonders if she’s meeting the expectations. Nomi can’t help but second guess everything about how her relationship with Amanita is going now. It’s new still, but after what her mother said and now what Teagan said about sex. The seeds of doubt are planted in her mind and are beginning to take root.

Nomi texts Amanita when the gift opening portion of the party starts. She’s decided to stay until the gifts are opened but then leaves as soon as they are finished, and Amanita shows up. She done with this party crap. Her thoughts are elsewhere anyway. She might be at the party physically, but mentally she is lightyears away.

Nomi watches from the bar as Teagan opens gift after amazing gift. She doesn’t get this. A party that her parents throw for her. She doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want them to because that would mean acting a part. That would mean her parents forcing her to act as Michael and receive gifts as Michael and Nomi such as hell isn’t going to be doing that. So, her sister gets a party every year but no parties for her.

Her eyes are focused on her sister opening gifts. It’s when something catches the corner of Nomi’s eye that she looks over to the conference room door. Amanita is standing there. Nomi gets up and rushes over to the door. “What are you doing here?” She pushes Amanita backwards, out of the door.

“What do you mean? I’m here to pick you up.” Amanita wrinkles her forehead. “I texted you when I got here but I didn’t get an answer, so I parked and came in.” She explains. Nomi looks around. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Nomi mumbles. “Let’s go.”

“Don’t you want to say goodbye?”

“No, they’re busy opening gifts. I don’t want to interrupt.” Nomi tells Amanita. It’s the truth. She doesn’t want to bring any attention to herself in front of a room full of people.

“Okay.” Amanita mumbles as she tries to keep up with Nomi as Nomi hurries out of the hotel lobby.

“Where’d you park?” Nomi looks around for the bike.

“Over there.” Amanita points in the direction of her bike. “Slow down. Are you sure you’re alright?” Amanita still has a hard time keeping up with Nomi.

“Yeah, can you just take me home?” Nomi snaps at Amanita.

“Okay. Okay.” Amanita puts her helmet on and starts the bike. She waits for Nomi to put her helmet on and get on the seat behind her.

When Amanita pulls up outside Nomi’s building she kills the engine. Before she can even take her helmet off Nomi is off the bike and unfastening the helmet that is on her head. She hands the helmet to Amanita. “Thank you for bringing me and picking me up.” Nomi says without any enthusiasm.

“You’re welcome.” Amanita smiles. She hopes it will bring a smile to Nomi’s face but unfortunately it doesn’t. “Did you wanna grab dinner or something?” She tries.

“No. I’m pretty tired from the party. I think I’m just gonna go in and lay down.” Nomi says.

“Are you’re sure you’re okay?” Amanita can sense that Nomi is definitely not okay. She wonders what happened at the party and what Nomi isn’t telling her.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll see you later.” Nomi says.

Amanita knows she shouldn’t argue. She knows that whatever is bothering Nomi, Nomi doesn’t want to tell her or talk about. She knows that she shouldn’t invite herself up even though that’s the only thing she wants right now. Well, that and for Nomi to be okay. “Okay.” Amanita gives in. She leans in for a kiss.

Nomi leans in but diverts her lips to Amanita’s cheek. “Bye.” Nomi turns and walks up the stairs, she puts her key in the lock and unlocks the door.

“Call me if you need anything.” Amanita says lamely from her bike.

Nomi waves nondescriptly and slips inside.

Amanita sighs and looks down at the helmet in her hands. She wonders what went wrong. She wonders if it’s something she did. She thinks it’s probably not and that more likely it’s something to do with Nomi’s parents. She wishes she knew more. She wishes there were something she could do. She wishes Nomi would talk to her. Instead, she got shutdown and shutout. It’s a lonely feeling. Amanita clips the helmet into place on her bike and looks up at the building, at Nomi’s apartment. The light is on but that’s all she knows. With another heavy sigh, Amanita starts the bike and heads for home.


	10. Aftermath

Nomi hides from the world in her apartment. At first, she’s just thinking it’ll be for a day or two. She just needs to be by herself for a few days. She doesn’t want to be around other people. Not even Amanita. Nomi needs time to deal with the aftermath from Teagan’s party and her emotions. She needs to figure out what she wants and what she wants to do moving forward.

There’s just something about someone denying everything that you are. There’s something about not being respected and accepted. Especially, when it’s family. When your own mother questions everything about you and your enitre life, it’s jarring. That’s why she didn’t want Amanita going to the party. Nomi shouldn’t have even allowed Amanita to bring her to the party. The experience just reminds her that there are cruel, unaccepting people in the world and she just doesn’t want to deal with the world right now.

She goes back to being a teenager again and spending all of her free time on the computer, online, playing games and ignoring the world.

Nomi gets a text from Amanita the day after the party. _I just wanted to check in. How are you?_ It’s fairly simple and not too invasive.

Nomi replies. _I’m fine. Thanks._

Amanita texts her the second day and the third day and the responses from Nomi are short one-word or two-word answers. She wants Amanita to know that she is still doing fine, at least.

As the number of days gets to three Amanita calls Nomi’s phone. She doesn’t get an answer. It goes to voicemail and she leaves a message. On day four, Amanita calls two times. The first time not leaving a message, the second time she does. Amanita doesn’t want to seem overbearing or like a nuisance, but she is worried at this point. On day five, Amanita calls twice. Nomi doesn’t answers either time and Amanita doesn’t leave any messages. She tries calling one more time before she goes to bed. The call goes directly to voicemail. Nomi’s phone is shut off.

The next morning, Amanita wakes up feeling like crap. She didn’t sleep well. Her mind runs rampant with thoughts and worse case scenarios. Part of her thinks she should just go over to Nomi’s place, but she knows she won’t even get in the building. Nomi isn’t answering her texts or calls anymore why would she let her in the building.

She types out a text message. Part of her thinks she shouldn’t and the other part of her has had enough. She’s fed up, annoyed, angry even.

Nomi wakes up and has breakfast and opens her computer to check the news and social media. She wonders about her phone. She shut it off the evening before because she didn’t want any distractions. Nomi wonders about Amanita and how annoyed or mad she might possibly be. She’s guessing that she is based on the texts she has received from her asking how she is and what’s going on. Amanita hasn’t come flat out and said she is, but Nomi can tell from the tone that has become increasingly more passive aggressive over the last couple of days.

But, she feels like she’s turned a corner and that today will be different. Nomi turns her phone on and waits to see if she has any messages. In about a minute, she gets two dings. Nomi looks at her phone a text from Amanita and a voicemail from her sister. She looks at the text message and the last five or six days of ignoring the outside world punch her in the chest and reality comes crashing down on her.

_I’m not sure what to think anymore. It makes me sad. I just wish I knew what was going on. With you, with us, with anything anymore. I’ve figured that you want to be alone but… I get it. I won’t bother you anymore. Won’t text or call. I’ll still be here tho. I’ll wait but I can’t wait forever._

“Shit.” Nomi whispers and starts thinking of a plan.

* * *

 

She goes down to the bookstore that afternoon. Nomi waits outside just before Amanita is supposed to be done with work. She waits and four o’clock comes and four o’clock goes. Nomi waits fifteen more minutes but Amanita never comes out of the bookstore, so she goes in. She walks over to the counter and Chad is there. “Hi, I’m looking for Amanita. I thought she was done at four.”

Chad shakes his head. “She went home at one. She didn’t look too great today. Sick maybe. She’s supposed to work tomorrow though. I hope she shows up cuz don’t wanna have to cover her Saturday shift.”

“Thanks.” Nomi says and walks out. Nomi stands on the sidewalk outside of the bookstore and thinks over her options. First option, she could call Amanita but wonders if she’ll even answer the phone. Two, Nomi wishes she knew where Amanita lived because then she could go over there and see if she is home. Option three, she could text Amanita to see if she will reply, to see if she is home, to see if she really is sick. Nomi doesn’t think what would go well either, though. What do you text someone who you’ve been avoiding for nearly a week and have been an ass to in general; when all they wanted to do was help you get through your problems. A text message doesn’t seem like it would suffice. Or four, she could show up at Amanita’s work tomorrow or everyday until she comes back to work again, if she truly is sick.

Nomi frowns, thinking all her options are shit. She decides on option number four and walks back home after a fruitless journey to the bookstore.

* * *

 

Saturday afternoon Nomi ventures out again. She’s hopeful that her trip to the bookstore doesn’t end like it did the day before. She’s not sure what hours Amanita works on a Saturday or if they are different each Saturday that she works. So, she goes with early afternoon, hoping that the middle of the day will provided most accurate.

Nomi goes in and looks around quickly. It’s busy. She spots Amanita behind the cash register. She’s busy and there is a line four people deep. Amanita doesn’t spot Nomi, so Nomi goes over and gets in the back of the line. When it’s her turn at the front, Nomi steps forward as the customer in front of her steps away. She takes a deep breath as Amanita spots her. Their eyes connect.

“Hi.” Nomi says. She can see the shock on Amanita’s face.

“I’m busy. What are you doing here?” Amanita asks sharply.

Nomi looks down at her shoes, nodding. She sort of expected that. “Can I talk to you?” She asks.

“Not now. I’m working.” Amanita gestures around the air with her hand, referencing the bookstore they stand in.

“Then when?” Nomi asks.

Amanita huffs out an annoyed breath. “I’m done at six. Come back then.”

Nomi nods. “Okay.”

Amanita looks past Nomi. They are always busy at the bookstore on Saturdays and she needs to keep working. “Next.” She says loudly.

And rudely, Nomi thinks, because she’s still standing there. She gets the point, though, and steps out of the way. Nomi looks over her shoulder at Amanita before she steps out the front door.

Nomi arrives back at the bookstore at ten minutes to six. She hopes this is the last time she’s going to have to come down here for the same purpose. Nomi doesn’t want to miss Amanita, so she gets there early and goes inside.

Amanita shakes her head when she sees Nomi. “Wait outside.” She points to the door.

Nomi does as she’s told, turning around and going out the same door she just come in. Six o’clock comes around and it takes two more minutes before Amanita strolls out of the door.

“So?” Amanita asks as she walks past Nomi towards her bike.

“So, I thought I’d come down and talk to you. I know I’ve been kind of MIA the last week.” Nomi starts with. There’s really no good place to start.

“Kind of?” Amanita snips. “You wouldn’t answer any of my calls or texts.” She says loudly.

“That’s not true. I answered a few.” Nomi says lamely.

Amanita rolls her eyes. “Whatever.” She gets on her bike with the intention of leaving. She just wants to go home.

Nomi is a little surprised with Amanita’s harsh words and tone. “I’ve never seen you like this.” She comments.

“Well, then maybe you don’t know me very well. And, here, I thought we had a good thing going. But maybe I was wrong about that.” Amanita aggressively pulls her helmet onto her head.

“We did.” Nomi shakes her head. “We do. Why are you being like this? I’m sorry.” Nomi starts to break down. “I’m sorry, Neets, I’m sorry.” The tears form in Nomi’s eyes.

Amanita sighs sadly when she sees that Nomi is about to cry. “I’m hungover.” It sounds like the dumbest thing in the world.

Nomi stares at Amanita in confusion. “What?” She mumbles.

Amanita rolls her eyes. “Yesterday. I left work early. I went to the bar with a friend. We drank so much. I couldn’t see straight this morning when I woke up. I don’t know how I got home last night actually. I feel like shit. I’ve had a pounding headache all day. I just want to go home and go to sleep, so sorry I’m not my usual self. But, enough about that.”

“Oh.” Nomi frowns. “I was hoping we could talk. Or get something to eat. Or you could come over.” She asks hopefully, but knows that Amanita has other ideas.

Amanita stares at Nomi, stares past her. She’s not sure what she wants to do anymore. Part of her is happy to see Nomi, but the other parts are hurt and sad. She wants to go home and go to sleep, really, but there’s this opportunity staring her directly in the face, quite literally, and if she turns it down she doesn’t know what the outcome will be. Nomi didn’t want her around or have anything to do with her and Amanita doesn’t know if she can be the bigger person and not do some pity shit right about now.

“Ya know, I’m upset with you.” Amanita comes out of her thoughts.

Nomi nods. “Yeah, I know. And I’m sorry. And I want to make it better. And I know I’ve been an ass. I just- some things hit me really hard and I had to deal with them on my own.”

Amanita bites her lip nervously. “I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore.” Everything in her deflates with the admission, the sad comes crashing down. Amanita looks away from Nomi, down at the handgrip on her bike.

“If I’m being honest, I had some doubts.” Nomi says with a strained expression. “Amanita.” Nomi reaches out and tilts Amanita chin up with a fingertip, so she can see her eyes. “I want to make it up to you. Come over, we’ll order food. I’ll apologize, and I’ll tell you everything I’ve been thinking and going through, and you can do the same. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. We need to work on communication and expressing our emotions.”

A smile tugs at the corners of Amanita’s lips. “Speak for yourself.”

Nomi chuckles. “Touché.” Nomi breathes in a breath of relief for the first time since they’ve been here talking. She feels like a corner has been turned. “Will you consider it?” She tries to convince Amanita.

Amanita bites her lower lip in thought. She’s going to say yes. She knows it. She messes with Nomi a little first. “You have headache medicine?” Amanita asks and Nomi nods. “And you’ll order me some terribly unhealthy takeout?” Amanita asks and Nomi nods again. Amanita licks her lips before asking one final question. “And you’ll let me sleep in your bed tonight?” Amanita asks with puppy dog eyes and pouty lips. Nomi nods and leans in to kiss Amanita. “Okay.” Amanita agrees with a sigh. “So, are you walking there, or do you want a ride?” She thumbs over her shoulder to the back half of her motorcycle.

Nomi leans in again and kisses Amanita slowly. “May I ride on your motorbike?” She asks playfully.

“Anytime, honey.” Amanita winks. She’s feeling in better spirits already. “Hop on.” She brings the bike to life.

* * *

 

Nomi orders them food when they get to her place. She gets Amanita some ibuprofen and a glass of water. Nomi changes her clothes into shorts and a tank top and puts some music on softly in the background.

Amanita sits on the couch with her head back and her eyes closed.

“How’s the head?” Nomi asks, sitting down at her side.

“Hurts.” Amanita mumbles.

“It’ll get better. Drink your water. The food will be here shortly.” Nomi pats Amanita’s thigh and gets up. She tidies the apartment. It’s not really messy. Nomi feels awkward around Amanita and she can’t stand it. She just needs something to do with her anxious energy.

The food comes, and they eat. It’s quiet. One, because Amanita’s head hurts and she doesn’t want to talk too much or make a lot of noise. But, it gradually gets better the more Amanita has to eat. Two, they both know that the talking is still to come and small talk just seems awkward at this point.

Nomi gets a change of clothes for Amanita to change into. She disappears into the bathroom for a few minutes and that gives Nomi time to clean up from their dinner. She shuts the music off and sits on the end of the bed with her laptop in her lap.

Amanita comes out from the bathroom to see Nomi on her computer. “Whatcha lookin at?” Her headache is just a dull ache now and much more manageable.

“Oh, nothing. Just some work stuff.” Nomi closes the laptop and looks up at Amanita. The woman stands in front of her in just a t-shirt and her underwear. Nomi has to blink a few times to make sure she’s not seeing things. She inhales and goes over to set her laptop on the table next to the bed. She pulls the blankets back on the bed and holds her hand out, palm up, and looks over at Amanita.

Amanita smiles and slides over to the other side of the bed and slips beneath the sheets. She waits for Nomi and then cuddle close to her, face to face, she slips her knee in between Nomi’s. She sees the surprise in Nomi’s eyes and kisses her gently to ease it away.

“How’s your headache?” Nomi brushes her thumb over Amanita’s temple and down her face, running it along her jawline, before resting her hand on Amanita’s upper arm.

“Much better. The food helped the most. Thank you.”

Nomi frowns. “Don’t thank me. I didn’t make it.”

“But you ordered it for us. So, thank you.” Amanita boops Nomi on the nose with her index finger.

Nomi grins. She takes a second to relish this moment. The feeling of some sort of normalcy returning. “I missed you.” She whispers.

“And who’s fault is that?” Amanita counters with a raised eyebrow.

Nomi rolls her eyes. “I know. I know.”

“I missed you too.” Amanita says sweetly. She can’t help it.

Nomi sighs. That’s the best thing to hear but it makes what she has to do so difficult. Not that it wasn’t going to be difficult to begin with. Amanita’s sweet words just make what she did sound so stupid.

“I’m gonna guess that you have some sort of idea why I shut you out?” Nomi starts with.

Amanita nods. “I have a few thoughts running around in my head.”

Nomi chuckles. “I’m imagining words running around in your brain chasing each other.”

“Wouldn’t that be something?” Amanita kisses Nomi quickly.

“This is going to make me seem really fucked up and I hope you don’t think less of me for- for everything but I get it if you do.” Nomi admits.

“Don’t worry about it, honey. We all do things we shouldn’t, sometimes. And even though I am upset, I understand that you went through a difficult situation.” Amanita finds Nomi’s hand and interlocks their fingers together.

Nomi sighs and begins her explanation. “My mother put all these doubts into my head. She saw you, us, when you dropped me off. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Let me list off my infractions for that day, according to my mother. Riding on a motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket, joining a biker gang, hanging out and/or kissing the leader of the biker gang, said leader being a black woman. She actually didn’t touch that one too much. She was mostly fixated on the motorcycle and everything to do with that.

“Is your mother racist?” Amanita asks.

“I don’t really know. There’s prejudice there. She’s a rich white woman. What do you think?” Nomi shrugs. “I told her you are my girlfriend.”

Amanita cheers. “Damn right.”

Nomi smiles and bites her lip. “Just all these doubts started creeping in and then I had a few drinks and it escalated and- this sounds so dumb. I didn’t know if I was making the right decisions, like my mother said. And I didn’t know about you and me, suddenly. My mother has this way of making everything I do wrong or inadequate. She made me doubt everything in my life. Including you. She didn’t even harp on me for anything else. Teagan came over and put an end to it. But that’s a whole nother story.”

“Can I ask questions?” Amanita asks. Nomi nods. Amanita thinks about what she wants to ask. “Do you think it would’ve been different if she didn’t see us?”

“Yes and no. You don’t know my mother. She’s always got something to say to me. That day it was just about motorcycles and you. I usually don’t let it bother me. That’s the way she’s always been. But something triggered me when she called you _some biker chick_. I don’t see it that way. I’ve thought about it all week. I don’t see you that way. You ride a motorcycle for transport. That’s it. That’s all I see. And it’s not the thing about you that stands out. It not the number one thing, ya know what I mean. I think what got to me the most was what she was saying was about _you_ and not just about me.”

“Maybe she had a bad experience with a woman on the motorcycle in the past.” Amanita says.

Nomi laughs. “Oh my god.”

“But, I’ll be _your_ biker chick, if you want, Ms. Marks.” Amanita tilts her head, so she can nozzle her nose against Nomi’s.

“That’s a very tempting offer.”

“Will you accept it?”

“Just to drive my mother crazy.” Nomi says.

“Eeeww.” Amanita pulls her head backwards away from Nomi’s face. “Way to ruin the moment.”

“I’m sorry. And I’m sorry that I was such an ass and that I was avoiding you all week. I just didn’t want you to have to deal with this shit. It’s so messed up.”

Amanita shares her feelings and concerns. “I was worried about you, Nomi. And I was scared that I had done something wrong. I couldn’t figure out what though.”

“That’s cuz you didn’t do anything wrong. You are perfect. I was being stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, honey. You were just trying to cope. But maybe next time, if there happens to be a next time, you don’t shut me out and you let me help. I was sad and mad and the longer you shut me out the more I kept thinking that it was the end of us.” Amanita shares her scariest thoughts.

Nomi nods, sadly. “I’ll try my best but I can’t guarantee anything. I know I need to be more vocal about things I’m feeling with you and just in general. I’ve never been very good at that. I write things on the internet all the time but for some reason it’s so hard for me to say things out loud.”

“Well, you can work on it. I’m a good listener so-“ Amanita trails off before the next thought comes to mind. “Just no shutting me out, okay.” Nomi nods. “We’ll practice right now. You tell me something else that happened at the party. Something that’s been bothering you. Unless that was it? You mentioned Teagan before.”

Amanita has a very special way of getting Nomi to reveal things with relative ease. Yeah, it might be painful to say but Nomi feels like there’s nothing she can’t tell Amanita and not feel awkward about it after. She thinks maybe it’s Amanita’s nature that brings these issues from Nomi without hesitation.

Nomi swallows thickly. “Yeah, about that. She puts some thoughts and doubts into my head too. So, she doesn’t get a pass here.”

“About what?” Amanita releases Nomi’s hand. She runs her palm up the bare skin of Nomi’s arm, jumping from her shoulder to her face, and pushing some blonde hair behind her ear.

“Sex.”

“Oh.” Amanita mouth hangs ajar.

“Do you want to have sex with me?” Nomi blurts.

Amanita wrinkles up her forehead. “Right now?”

Nomi chuckles. “No. Not right now. I guess I should start over. Do you find me, my body, attractive, like sexually?”

Amanita kisses Nomi sweetly. “What did Teagan say to you?” She backs Nomi up so she can get the whole story.

Nomi gets nervous and fiddles with the collar of Amanita’s, her, t-shirt. “She- uh- asked me how- how the sex was?”

“Why?” Amanita blurts. “That’s none of her business.”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s a straight people thing. Anyway, my lack of an answer clued her in that we-“

“Hadn’t.” Amanita fills in when Nomi can’t finish the sentence.

Nomi finishes telling Amanita what Teagan had said to her. “Yeah- and then she said that you seem wonderful and not to worry. So, then, of course, I worried. I wasn’t even sure what I was worried about. I just- I just- all these doubts started to surface.”

Amanita gives Nomi a long look and takes over the conversation as Nomi struggles to find the right words to say. “Sex, for me is less about _how sexy someone looks_ and more about the connection, the whole package, mind, body, and soul, that sort of feeling you get when you’re attracted to a person as a whole. While, yes, it is great to see someone who is smoking hot and want to bang them. That’s like a one-night stand kind of thing. You and me that’s not a one-night stand. I could feel, right away, that it was more than that.”

“Have you ever done that?”

“A one-night stand?” Amanita rolls her eyes. “Yeah.” She sighs. “A few times. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, in my opinion. It takes care of the urge for that night but that’s it. What about you?”

Nomi shakes her head. “I’m not brave enough for that.” She chuckles awkwardly. “You never answered my question though.”

Amanita licks her lips. “The answer is yes, dear. You are very attractive.” She says and peppers kisses all over Nomi’s face and Nomi rolls onto her back. Amanita follows and rolls on top of Nomi, her hands finding Nomi’s sides.

Amanita rolls her hips against Nomi’s. “I’ve been wondering if- if there’s anything special that I’m gonna need to do?” She nervous about the question but knows she needs to ask it.

Nomi tilts her head to the side. Her heart flutters in her chest. She thinks she might have found the most considerate person in the world in Amanita. Nomi wonders how she got so lucky. Amanita stares down at her, waiting for an answer. “Maybe Teagan was right. You’re are wonderful, and I shouldn’t worry.”

Amanita shrugs. “Ahh, ya know, I don’t wanna toot my own horn but-“

Nomi nods. “Not really.” She answers Amanita’s question. She almost can’t believe they’re having this conversation, but she adores that they are. This isn’t where she thought this discussion would end up but boy it’s a pleasant surprise. Nomi slides her hands up Amanita’s back, under her t-shirt. “I’ll let you know if there’s anything I need from you.”

Amanita nods. “But, not tonight?” She wants to make sure.

Nomi chews on her lower lip. “I thought you didn’t feel well.”

“I don’t.” Amanita shrugs.

Nomi shakes her head. She really can’t believe the girl on top of her. She can’t believe that even after everything Nomi put her through in the past week, Amanita is here, laying on top of her, talking about having sex with her. “No, I want- I want-“ She doesn’t want to say that she wants to make sure that Amanita isn’t going anywhere, but she’s apprehensive about that still. She wants them to be on more solid terms first.

“It’s okay, we can wait. I get it. I feel like shit anyways.” Amanita rolls off on Nomi, laying on her side next to the blonde. “It needs to be right and while I might think it’s right, you might not. Yet, I don’t blame you.”

“It’s not- it’s not that I don’t-“ Nomi sighs. “This is frustrating.”

Amanita runs her fingertips softly up and down Nomi’s arm. “Just tell me how you feel, honey.” She says sweetly.

Nomi collects her thoughts and feelings and tries to put them into words. “I need to feel safe. And I feel safe with you. So safe. But this on another level. For a long time, I hated my own body and to show that to someone else is a big insecurity for me cuz sometimes I still see things that I don’t like. I’m not ashamed, it’s just, it’s hard to put into words.”

“It’s hard to show someone our insecurities, our fears, our past. We want to protect ourselves from any hurt, especially if we were hurt in some way in the past. We don’t want a repeat of that.” Amanita says wisely.

Nomi nods. “Exactly. I feel like I can be honest with you for the most part, but there’s just that little part of me that can’t let go completely sometimes. You’re so perfect. Amanita, I’ve never met anybody like you. You get it. You actually get it, without me having to explain in great detail. I think that’s rare. And that’s mighty scary. You get me. I’ve felt like you were too good to be true from the very first day and I’m afraid that might come true. That I’ll show you something about myself that you don’t like and that will come true. That’s frightening. It’s terrifying.”

Amanita nods. “It is scary. I get that. I feel that. But, it’s scary and it’s also exciting. I think that’s because it’s real. I think what you and I have is real. There’s something that drew me to you. I don’t know what it was. In the bookstore. Hundreds of people come and go every week, but you stuck out in my mind. I can’t explain it either. This cute, nerdy girl, with legs for days, the most beautiful blue eyes I’d ever seen, this reserved quality about herself, was I like a beautiful mystery to me. A mystery that I needed to unwrap and solve. You can be honest with me. You can share your secrets with me. If you want.” She winks. “I’m not gonna tell anybody. And I promise to do the same with you. I’ll be honest and I’ll tell you my deepest, darkest secrets. I’ll tell you what I’m thinking, what my desires are, what I want to accomplish in life. It’s early. I know that. You know that.”

Amanita pushes herself up onto her elbow, so she can look over Nomi. She’s not sure where she’s going with this, but she knows it’s important and a big moment of honesty and communication for them. “The last week has been- let’s just say, rough. And if I can prevent that from happening again with you, I will. You and I both know that there’s a special connection here and I don’t want to do anything that would break that. I promise you with words. And I can show you with actions. But, ultimately, you’re the one who decides if I’m being genuine or not. If we were a straight cisgender couple, we might never even have a conversation like this.” Amanita chuckles.

“I’m glad we’re not.” Nomi mumbles.

“But, it’s important for me, for you, for us. You are important to me and I care deeply about you. The last week proved to me just how much. And I’m gonna be _real_ honest right now. And you don’t have to say anything. But I’m going to tell you this to let you know that I ain’t going anywhere. Okay?” Amanita makes sure she has Nomi on board before she continues.

Nomi nods.

“I think I love you. It’s new and it’s fresh and it’s exciting. My insides feel like they are mush. My mind is constantly thinking about you in some way or another. Either consciously or subconsciously. I wake up and wonder what you are up to or what you have planned for your day. I miss you when we aren’t together, and I want to be around you when I’m not.” Amanita says what she needed to say and looks at Nomi for a reaction, hoping it will be a positive one.

Nomi reaches around for the back of Amanita’s neck and pulls her down into a passionate kiss. She can’t say those words right now, though she knows she has similar feelings. She puts what she can’t say into the kiss and hopes that Amanita can feel it.

Nomi looks up at Amanita with dopey eyes. “Other than being able to transition, you are the best thing that’s ever happened in my life.” She whispers, getting a little misty-eyed.

Amanita kisses Nomi, putting everything she’s got and feeling into the kiss.

Amanita sighs happily and settles down, resting her head on Nomi’s chest. Wrapping her left arm and leg over Nomi’s body. Nomi kisses the top of Amanita’s head, slipping her fingers underneath the braids at the back of Amanita’s head, rubbing gently at the spot where her hairline starts.


	11. Amanita

Nomi stands against the wall outside the bookstore. Earlier in the day, she text messaged Amanita to see if it would be okay if they met up at the store when Amanita was done with work. Nomi knows she needs to step up her game. She knows Amanita deserves it. The girl said she thinks she loves her, for gosh sakes. Though, Nomi couldn’t say the same thing, she sure feels it. After the last few weeks of revealing herself to Amanita, she feels like she needs to make more of any effort to get to know Amanita and see more of her life.

“What’s up?” Amanita rolls out the door and over to where Nomi is standing. “Not that I mind. It’s always great to see my beautiful girlfriend.” She smirks.

Nomi gets a little flustered and stumbles through her words. “I want to see where you live. I wanna meet your roommates and your friends. I showed you my place and where I live and how I live, and I feel like I’m not doing enough to get to know your things. I need to do more. You’ve done so much for me and you are so great, and I feel like I haven’t put forth as much effort to get to know you or your people or your life.” She rambles awkwardly.

Amanita giggles. She reaches for Nomi’s hand, taking it in her own, and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Calm down, sweetie. You’re doing just fine.”

Nomi blows out a breath and shakes her head. “I don’t want to be doing _just fine_. You deserve more from me.”

“Come here.” Amanita pulls Nomi into a hug. “You’re going to spiral out of control here. I’m not complaining. You’ve got a lot on your plate when it comes to introducing yourself to someone new. It’s normal for there to be a little lag in getting to know more about me. And I’m okay with that. My life is less complicated. And there’s simply not as much to reveal. This isn’t a competition. I’m not winning, you’re not losing. Or vice versa. I’m totally happy. Okay?” She peels back from Nomi and looks her straight in the eyes. “Okay?” She asks again and waits until she gets a nod from Nomi. “Now.” Amanita sighs. “If you’re really adamant about seeing my place, we’ll go. If my roommates are there, you can meet them. But, I’m not going to try and track them down tonight if they’re not home. What else would you like to do tonight?” Amanita asks.

“Uh-“ Nomi’s at a loss now. She didn’t have a plan beyond that. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think this through.”

Amanita chuckles. “You’re adorable. You like Chinese?” She asks, taking a couple steps away from Nomi. Amanita makes sure Nomi is following along. She looks over her shoulder as they walk over to her motorcycle.

“I do.” Nomi nods.

“How about-“ Amanita licks her lips. “-we pick up some Chinese on the way to my apartment. You can see the place and meet anybody that might be there. We can eat our food and watch a movie or whatever you want.” Amanita throws a little plan together.

“That sounds perfect.” Nomi tells her with excitement.

“Good.” Amanita grins. “I see you’re wearing your new leather jacket.” She mentions. Amanita noticed it as soon as she saw Nomi.

Nomi looks down at her own feet. “I just thought-“ She came here determined on seeing Amanita’s apartment and that meant riding with her on her bike over there.

“I know what you thought.” Amanita presses her lips against Nomi’s. She moves her lips to Nomi’s ear and whispers. “Looks good on you. Now put your helmet on.”

They stop at a Chinese place and order take out before making it to Amanita’s apartment. “It’s not like your place. There’s four of us living in a two bedroom.” Amanita warns.

“That’s fine.” Nomi carries the bag of food as she follows Amanita, from where she parks her motorcycle, to her apartment building. “I’m excited to see it.”

Amanita thinks Nomi’s expectations are way too high. It’s really just a place that she lives. There’s nothing special about it. She leads them to the back of the building, to her apartment door. She unlocks the door and pushes it open. Amanita steps inside first and looks around. She doesn’t see anyone and it’s quiet. There’s no evidence to indicate that anyone is home. Her roommates are probably out. “I don’t see anybody.”

Nomi follows Amanita into the apartment. She looks at everything that surrounds her. The typical stuff. A table, a couch, tv. The kitchen is to her right. Nomi quickly surveys the area. Amanita was right. There’s nothing special about it. No architectural features that stick out or anything like that.

“Do you want to see my room?” Amanita breaks Nomi’s concentration on the room.

“Yes, please.” Nomi nods.

“Follow me.” Amanita zips past the rather lack luster living area and kitchen. She leads Nomi to the tiniest of hallways. There is one door to their right, and one to their left, and one directly in front of them. Amanita points to the one in front of them. “That’s the bathroom. For future reference.” She looks over her shoulder at Nomi and winks. “I’m on the left.”

Nomi wonders how four people all live here. “You have your own room?” It’s hopeful.

Amanita shakes her head. “No, I share.” She knocks on the door to her left, her door. Nomi thinks it’s a strange thing to do. Then again, she lives alone. “See if Donna is home.” She mumbles and listens for a response. Nothing. Amanita pushes the bedroom door open. “Here we are.” She steps into the room and holds her arms out wide, she spins around in a circle.

Nomi takes a look around the small room. Two beds, a nightstand in between the beds, two dressers, and that’s about it.

“Is it everything you hoped it’d be?” Amanita jokes.

“Well, no.” Nomi frowns.

Amanita laughs. “Let’s eat. You still have that bag of grub. I’m starving.” She plops down on her bed. Nomi sits down next to Amanita and opens the bag of Chinese food.

They eat and then all food is forgotten when Amanita kisses Nomi’s hand. Her lips make a trail up Nomi’s right arm, jumping to the cheek when she reaches Nomi’s elbow. Amanita slides her lips over to find Nomi’s.

After a couple of minutes, hands find the bottom of Amanita’s shirt, lifting it up and over her head. She’s so lost in the moment and the feel of Nomi’s lip on hers that she doesn’t even think about it.

It’s not until Nomi starts taking her own shirt off that Amanita realizes what is going on. “Woah, wait.” She puts a hand on Nomi’s wrist, stopping her movement. She eyes Nomi up and down. She doesn’t want this to go too far. She doesn’t want that. Not here, at least. Not in her apartment where her roommates could walk in on them. She wants this to be special and most likely at Nomi’s apartment. In a safe, private place.

“My roommate could walk in at any moment.” Amanita says as she pulls her shirt back on. She doesn’t want that. If this were just some hook up, some one-night thing, then it might be different. She might not think about anything other than that moment. But, Nomi deserves better. Amanita knows this can’t happen here.

Nomi lets out a long breath. She knows what Amanita is saying is true but there’s some part of her that wishes that Amanita hadn’t stopped this. She runs her hand over her face, nodding. “Movie?”

“Yes.” Amanita gets her computer from the top of the dresser. “What do you want to watch?”

“I’ll let you pick.” Nomi says. She props up some pillows against the headboard for them to sit against.

“Ya know, if you really want to know more about my life you should come to brunch.” Amanita thinks it’s the one thing that explains her life the best. Her and her parents eating and talking and having a genuinely good time.

Nomi stares at Amanita, rolling the idea around in her head. She knows that it would be a good way to get to know Amanita’s life. But, meeting the parents. That’s a big step. “Can I sleep on it and let you know?”

Amanita nods. “Totally.” She puts her hands up, palms facing away from herself. “No pressure.”

* * *

 

Nomi watches out the window. She’s anxious and fidgety. She can’t stand still. She’s watching for Amanita. Nomi has agreed to go to Sunday brunch with her and she’s waiting to be picked up.

“Holy shit.” Nomi whispers under her breath when she sees Amanita pulls up outside the building. She pushes away from the window, grabbing her bag, and racing down the stairs.

“Oh.” Amanita is surprised when Nomi comes out the buildings front door. “I rang your apartment and you didn’t answer.”

Nomi blushes. “I was on my way down.” She doesn’t want to admit how anxious she is and that she was waiting by the window. “I-“ She bites her lip, looking Amanita up and down. “-I like your outfit.”

Amanita giggles. “Thanks, babe.” She leans in and presses a kiss to Nomi’s cheek. “You don’t think it’s too much?”

Nomi looks at the clothes Amanita is wearing and shakes her head. She thinks back to the day at the bookstore, St. Patrick’s Day, and the outfit Amanita was wearing that day. Today, she has on a blue and white horizontal stripped tank-top and red skin-tight pants. “No, you look great.”

“You’re looking pretty fine, yourself.” Amanita fisted the front of Nomi’s shirt. A white camisole with a royal blue cardigan over the top. She pulls Nomi off the threshold of the door frame and onto the top landing of the steps. Amanita notices the color of Nomi’s eyes in comparison with her shirt. They are a deep blue today and she loves it. “Come here.” She goes in for a sweet kiss.

Amanita licks her lips. “Ready to go?”

Nomi nods. Amanita reaches out her hand. Nomi takes it and they go down the steps to Amanita’s motorcycle.

* * *

 

As soon as Amanita stops the bike outside her mom’s place Nomi’s nerves kick into full gear. She frantically rips her helmet off to keep from hyperventilating. She breathes in and out heavily.

Amanita hops off the motorcycle and removes her helmet. “You alright?” She asks. Amanita grabs both of Nomi’s arms just below the shoulder.

Nomi nods. “I just need a moment. I’m just nervous.”

“You don’t have anything to be nervous about.” Amanita rubs her hands up and down Nomi’s arms. “Here, I’ll take care of that. You hop off and gather yourself.” She takes the helmet from Nomi’s hands.

Amanita stores the helmet and then stands on the sidewalks and walks for Nomi to make her way around the back of the motorcycle to join her.

“Oh, Nita.” Grace appears in the front door.

Amanita looks over her shoulder at her mother. She gives her a happy smile. “Coming, mom.” She looks back to her girlfriend. Nomi is fussing with her hair. “You look great.” She reaches out for Nomi’s hand and takes it. “Let’s go.” She gives a little tug and lets Nomi walk a step in front of her.

Nomi tries to smile as best as she can. She looks up and sees a tiny white woman with long grey hair, wearing a rather eccentric skirt. No one says anything as Nomi and Amanita make their way up the steps, they just take in each other with their eyes.

“Mom, this is my girlfriend, Nomi. And Nomi-“ She squeezes Nomi’s hand. “This is my mom, Grace.”

Grace nods. “It’s very nice to finally meet the woman my daughter won’t shut up about.”

“Mom.” Amanita whines. Her mom has to go and embarrass her right off the bat.

Grace chuckles. “Come in, girls.” She turns around and steps into the house. Amanita and Nomi follow. “When Amanita called me to tell me that she was bring someone with her to Sunday brunch, I wasn’t surprised in the least. I asked her what I should make, what you like. You know what she told me?” Grace turns around, her eyes falling on Nomi. They are now all in the kitchen. Nomi shakes her head and looks from Grace to Amanita. “She told me, I don’t know mom. I don’t know what Nomi eats for brunch. I don’t know if she does brunch.”

“Well, it’s true.” Amanita rolls her eyes. “It’s not like we discussed our favorite brunch foods. What did you end up making?”

“Waffles.” Grace smirks, looking between Amanita and Nomi.

Nomi notices the smirk and the looks. “What?”

Amanita sighs happily. “Waffles are my favorite.” She tells Nomi and then asks her mom. “Are they ready?”

“Yes, dear. Go sit down. Everything is ready.” Grace spins on her heels to get the waffles from the warming tray.

Amanita leads Nomi into the dining area. “I’m so happy she made waffles.” She bounces over to the table. “You like waffles, right?” She just assumes everyone should like and eat waffles.

“I do.”

“Good.” Amanita looks at the place settings at the table. “Where do you want to sit? Next to me or across from me?”

“Next.” Nomi takes in the table. There is juice and coffee, syrup and butter, a very large bowl of assorted fruits.

Amanita pulls out the chair for Nomi and reaches for the orange juice. “You want some?” Amanita pours some for herself.

“No, thank you.” Nomi gives Amanita a tight-lighted smile.

Grace comes in with the waffles and sets the serving plate in the middle of the table. “Brunch is served. And may I say, it is wonderful to have a guest with us today.”

“Thanks for cooking for us.” Nomi says politely.

Grace shakes her head. “I would do it whether you were here or not. Nita loves our brunch dates.”

“I do.” Amanita stabs a waffle with her fork and puts in on her plate. “Wouldn’t miss em for the world. When are dads coming?”

“I talked with Earl on the phone on Friday. I relayed your message.” Grace glances at Nomi. The dads were supposed to be at brunch, but Amanita called Grace and told her that she wanted them to come later in the day, that she didn’t want to overwhelm Nomi right away. Grace agreed and said she would make a phone call and hammer out a plan. “We agreed that any time after two would be suitable. So, I suppose it depends on what time they all agreed upon.”

“Okay, thanks mom.” Amanita takes a bite of her waffle. “These are delicious. As usual.”

“Yes, very good.” Nomi agrees. “You have a lovely house here.”

“Thank you, dear. It’s taken many many years to get it to this point, but I think it has a good vibe and is very welcoming.”

“It is.” Nomi says.

“I’m sure Amanita is itching to show you the rest of the house.” Grace winks.

* * *

 

Amanita nods at the stairs. “Go on.”

“I don’t know where I’m going.” Nomi looks over at Amanita.

Amanita smirks. “Up the stairs.” She smacks Nomi on the ass.

Nomi jumps but bites her lip. She puts her foot on the first step and locks eyes with Amanita.

“I’ll be right behind you.” Amanita reassures her.

“Are you going to keep your hands to yourself?” Nomi asks.

Amanita wiggles her eyebrows. “No promises.”

Nomi takes the steps one at a time until she reaches the top. She looks around. There are three doors.

“Second door on the right.” Amanita says from behind Nomi. She comes up directly behind her when Nomi reaches the door, putting a hand on her shoulder. “My mom was right. I’ve been itching to show you my room. But, not for the silly reason that she was thinking. I genuinely want you to see the things that are in here.” Amanita puts her left hand on the door knob. “You want to know teenage me, well, here we go.” She turns the knob and pushes the door open.

The mustardy yellow wall behind the headboard of the bed, and the flower pattern of the headboard itself say one thing. But on the other wall there are posters and album cover of grunge rock and punk rock bands.

Amanita sits on the end of the bed and watches Nomi take everything in. Nomi looks over her shoulder to Amanita. “Punk rock?” She points to a piece of paper on the wall that is below a L7 album cover.

Amanita shrugs. “My music taste has evolved from there. But, after we moved here I started getting into music. I didn’t like all that pop crap. Boy bands and Britney Spears and all that stuff. I was looking for something different. Something edgy. This was before Alternative Rock was big. Late 90s, early 2000s. Punk rock sort of shifted to Alternative Rock for me. I was into punk for like three or four years. Those are the album covers that survived.” Amanita chuckles.

“You see this.” She grabs a handful of her hair.

“Yeah.” Nomi nods.

“Punk.” Amanita pats the spot on the bed next to her. Nomi comes over and sits. “I was exploring myself and who I was and what I wanted to be and how I wanted to present myself to the world. As a teenager does. I explored the genre of punk. Girl punk band, local punk bands. And some rock too. But, when I saw The Offspring’s video for Self Esteem that where I got the idea of braids.” Amanita explains what first inspired her to try braids as a hairstyle. “I was probably fifteen or sixteen. His braids looked ridiculous, but I thought maybe I could rock the look.”

“Oh, you do.” Nomi adds.

“I was a little shithead. I’d always be gone out doing something. Whether it was with my friends, or my girlfriend. I was always on the go, trying to figure out who I was. I always listened to music my mom listened to, so I knew, know, lots of different genres but I was trying to find my own. It shifted a little the closer I got to eighteen and the closer I got voting age.” Amanita gets up and goes over to the desk and opens the top drawer. It’s full of stuff from her teenage and early adult years. She finds what she’s looking for and returns to the bed. She sits sideways with one leg dangling off the end.

“The country was in year number whatever of war. I was very anti-war, anti-government/establishment at the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still anti-war. I was a very, let’s say, passionate teenager. I had all these ideals. The music I listened to- some punk, and then there were bands like AFI and Rise Against that had some of the same ideals that I had. They are supports of PETA, vegan and vegetarian, and of a straight edge lifestyle.”

Nomi wrinkles up her forehead and Amanita notices and explains. “Straight edge? No alcohol or drugs. Rise Against are advocates for the planet. Against deforestation, ocean pollution, mega farms, overfishing, anything that destroys the planet. I bought into that. Those bands that stood for something. They were also against the current presidential administration.”

“It’s a little crazy to think about know. The world is so different then it was in some ways, and still the same in so many ways too. What I’m saying is, those bands influenced me along with the climate the country was in at the time.”

“I wonder if my mom still has that picture of us. I have to ask her when we go downstairs.” Amanita mumbles, more to herself than to Nomi.

Amanita takes a deep breath. “I turned eighteen exactly one week before the 2008 Presidential election.”

Nomi looks at Amanita with wide eyes. “Oh, wow. So, your birthday is October-?”

Amanita nods. “Twenty-eighth. I went down with mom on election day and voted.” She reveals the item in her hand, that she got from the desk. “I saved the I Voted sticker from that day. I felt so proud that day to have voted for the first time. I was even more proud later that night when it was announced that the candidate that I voted for had won.” She holds the laminated sticker out for Nomi to see. There’s a little strip of paper along with the sticker that has the date on it. November 4, 2008.

“That’s so cool.” Nomi looks at the sticker.

Amanita nods. “That probably tells you more about me than you wanted to know.”

“No. It seems like you’ve always been a smart headstrong person. Even in your formative years. That says something. I think it’s cool that you maybe thought against the norm. Not too many teenagers want to be different on purpose. Hell, I didn’t.”

Amanita shrugs. It’s just the way she’s lived. The influences from the commune, her mom, the music she listened to, the state of the country and world. It all combined into one and fueled her to be who she is. “My mom always says that I march to the beat of my own drummer. Or that I’m like a new age hippie.” She gets up and puts the laminated sticker back in the desk drawer. “What else do you want to know?”

Nomi chuckles. “I don’t know.”

Amanita comes over and stands in front Nomi, putting her hands on each of her shoulders. Nomi places her hands on Amanita’s hips, looking up at her. Amanita comes closer, standing between Nomi’s legs, her knees hitting the bed. She shifts one hand to the back of Nomi’s neck, massaging the skin there, looking into Nomi’s eyes.

Nomi leans back, falling backwards onto the bed. Amanita follows, catching herself with her hands before she crashes into Nomi’s body. She sticks a knee between Nomi’s legs, hovering over her for a moment before leaning down for a slow kiss.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.” Amanita mumbles against Nomi’s lips.

“Kiss me?”

“No. Make out with a girl in my childhood bedroom.” Amanita clarifies and returns her lips to Nomi’s.

A few moments later they are interrupted. “Amanita.” Grace calls up the stairs.

“Every time.” Amanita mumbles. “What mom?” She yells back.

“The dads are here.” Grace yells again.

“Coming.” Amanita pushes herself up from the bed, running her fingers around her lips. “We gotta go.” She holds her hand out to help Nomi up. When Nomi is standing before her, Amanita pecks her lips one more time. “You might wanna fix your hair.” She says with a wink.

Nomi bites her lip and runs her hands through her hair a couple of times, hoping that will do the trick.

“Very good. Beautiful as ever.” Amanita says and takes Nomi’s hand. “Ready?”

Nomi shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”

“They are the kindest, gentlest people you’ll ever meet. Don’t worry.” Amanita tries to reassure Nomi.

“That’s a bold statement.”

Amanita shrugs and turns on her heels. “Let’s go.”

Amanita releases Nomi’s hand once she reaches the bottom of the stairs. “Dads.” She yells and jumps into their arms. The three men wrap her up in a big bear hug so that she’s barely visible to Nomi. Nomi’s eyes shift between the group and Grace. Grace waves her over.

“This might take a minute.” Grace tells Nomi once she’s standing next to her. She puts her hand on Nomi’s shoulder. They watch as Amanita says hellos to her fathers.

Amanita, almost suddenly, like she’s forgotten something, jumps back from the dads. She looks around until she finds where Nomi ended up. Amanita goes over to Nomi, takes her hand, and leads Nomi over to the three men. “Dads, this is my girlfriend, Nomi. Nomi, this is Earl, Kenneth, and Lionel.” Amanita points to each man as she says their name. Earl holds his arms out, offering a hug to Nomi. Nomi hesitates for a second before smiling and excepting the hug. Kenneth and Lionel hug Nomi in succession.

“It’s nice to meet you all.” Nomi says with a nod.

Grace chimes in. “I have a pot of coffee on.”

“Mom, do you have that one picture of us on election day?” Amanita blurts.

“It’s in one of the photo albums, Nita.”

“Oh, you know what we should do?” Amanita asks the bunch collectively. She doesn’t get any verbal responses but does get a few shakes of the head. “Go through old photos.”

“I like that idea.” Grace says. “I’ll check on the coffee.”

Amanita goes to find all the photo albums from her childhood. “Can you help me with these, Nomi?” She calls Nomi over. “This is going to be so much fun.” Amanita beams. Nomi smiles and takes the two photo albums that Amanita hands her. “Go over by the couch. I’ll bring the rest of these.”

Nomi goes over to the couch and sets the albums down and has a seat herself. Amanita comes over and sits next to her. She shuffles through the albums finding the earliest one. One by one her parents come in with their cup of coffee and take seats in various places around the room. Grace sits next to Amanita and starts flipping through one of the albums, looking for the election day photo.

Amanita opens up an album, the first page is her baby picture. “Oh, look how tiny I was.” She coos. “Look.” Amanita rests half of the book in Nomi’s lap, half still on her own.

“Cute.” Nomi takes stock of the newborn photo.

That’s all that is on the first page. Amanita turns the page and there are three photos on the back of the first page and three on the page adjacent to it. The remainder of the album is set up that way. Three photos on every page, front and back. The beginning of the book is all baby photos.

“I was such a chunky baby.” Amanita comments.

“You ate so much. It was like you were never full.” Grace tells her.

Amanita turns the page. “Look, there we all are.” She points to a photo of her mom holding her and her dads on either side of Grace. All of them smiling like they just won the lottery. “You guys all had terrible hair.”

“I think everyone says that when they look back at old photos of themselves.” Lionel says with a laugh. “Look at us now.” He rubs his bald head.

They flip through page after page. Going from newborn Amanita up through the years. Her parents tell stories of little Amanita. The curious girl who was always learning and exploring. Amanita shows each and every picture to Nomi. When they get through the first album, Grace passes it over to Earl and the men each look through the album.

Nomi stays tucked into Amanita’s side the entire time. She loves the excitement and glow and brilliance that is radiating off of Amanita as she explains picture after picture. She’s never felt someone else’s happiness this intensely until right now. It wows Nomi how much Amanita enjoys this and how much she is enjoying it as well.

“Can I get a cup of coffee?” Nomi asks Grace.

“Sure dear.” Grace gets up to go to the kitchen for a cup for Nomi.

“Bring me one, too, mom.” Amanita says as Grace walks away from her. She points out a picture of herself in overalls, a long sleeve plaid shirt, and rain boots. She has a huge, proud smile on her face and holds a handful of carrots, by their green tops, in her hand.

“What’s this?” Nomi asks.

“Do you remember this daddy K?” Amanita asks. “I’ve got a handful of carrots in my hand and you are standing next to me with a hand on my shoulder.”

“Ah, yes, that was one of the first years you were allowed in the garden. There were rules that kids under age five couldn’t be in the garden. I brought you in for the carrot harvest. You were so proud to help. I would stick a fork in the ground next to the row of carrots to loosen the soil and then I had you pull on the green vegetation on the top of the carrot and pull them out of the ground. You thought it was the coolest thing in the world at the time. I remember taking you back inside and you talked to your mom for ten minutes about the whole carrot harvest. It was the cutest thing ever.”

Amanita turns to look at Nomi and sees Nomi smiling at the story that Kenneth is telling.

“I cut the tops off and you helped me wash all the carrots that we harvested.” Kenneth finishes the story.

Amanita leans in and pecks Nomi’s cheek.

Nomi turns her head at the unexpected kiss. “What was that for?”

Amanita smiles at Nomi and shrugs. She turns her attention back to the photo album that is spread out in their laps.

More than an hour has passed by the time they get to the photo album of Amanita’s teenage years. Amanita’s parents have lost interest in the photo album memories. They remember, they were there. They lived it. The group heads out onto the balcony. “I think it’s time to fire up the grill.”

“Grill?” Nomi asks.

“We are having grilled vegetables and corn and bean burgers for dinner.” Grace explains as she gets up. “If you girls need anything we will be out on the balcony.”

“Okay, thanks.” Nomi says with a smile.

Amanita ignores her mom. She flips through the pages. It’s not that she’s being mean in any way. It’s just that she knows the routine.

“I didn’t know we were having dinner here.” Nomi whispers to Amanita.

“Oh, is that okay?” Amanita looks over at her girl. “We could go. I mean, since tomorrow is Memorial Day we also have this thing where we do brunch and then it turns into dinner and we all stay overnight.”

Nomi looks at Amanita with wide eyes.

“You don’t have to stay overnight. Don’t worry. I hadn’t planned for that.”

Nomi nods, taking everything into consideration. “You guys really are family oriented.” She likes the dynamic so far. “But, don’t they want to hang out with you? Isn’t that what this is all about? Should we be outside with them?”

Amanita sighs. “No. And yes. They come to see me, but they come to hang out together just as much. The four of them. It reminds them of their youth. I’m alright with staying in here with you.” Amanita wraps her arm around Nomi. “Showing you pictures of me.”

“I like seeing them.” Nomi says earnestly. Amanita nods. “I love how happy you are reminiscing about all these old memories. It’s not embarrassing?”

“Nope.” Amanita leans in for a quick kiss. “So, can we continue, or do you want to smoke pot?”

“What?” Nomi is shocked.

“That’s what they’re doing out there.” She fills Nomi in on the truth behind why her parents all snuck outside.

“Oh my god.”

Amanita rolls her eyes. “They are worse than teenagers.”

“You don’t?” Nomi asks.

“Mmmm. Not often. Once and a while. Mostly here. When we are all here. That’s about it though. You?” Amanita asks.

“Maybe half a dozen times in college but that’s it.” Nomi tells her.

Amanita nods and points to a picture. “This was the first time I had my hair in braids. Like for real.”

The teenager photos are a lot of Amanita in t-shirts and baggy jeans. With groups of friends. Or her family.

“I don’t think we would have been friends in high school.” Nomi laughs.

“How so?”

“Like if we were in the same school at the same time, or same class. I don’t think we would have been friends. I wanted to fly under the radar as much as I could. It looks like you were the opposite.”

“In some ways, yeah, I suppose. But, I was friends with lots of people. If not friends, then friendly.”

“Eeew, don’t say that.”

Amanita tilts her head to the side. “Say what?”

“That you were _friendly_. That makes you sound sluty.”

Amanita laughs. “Okay. Acquaintances.”

Amanita flips through a few more pages. “Oh, here’s a good one.” She points to a photo from the Pride Parade. “I remember this. It was the first year I didn’t go with my mom. I went with some friends.”

Nomi looks at the picture of Amanita standing with a group of five girls. She’s wearing a grey tank top and a rainbow skirt that goes to the knee and combat boots. Her hair has color in it. The first time she’s seen that in any of the photos. “Did you color your hair for this?”

Amanita shakes her head. “Actually, that’s just ribbon woven into my braids.”

“You were such a badass.”

“I’m not a badass anymore?” Amanita pouts.

Nomi smirks. “Oh, you are.” She grabs Amanita’s chin and pulls her in for a kiss. “And it’s super hot.”

One kiss turns into two and then three. They are busy kissing with Amanita mom comes back inside.

“Oh.” Grace gasps when she sees her daughter and Nomi making out on the couch like teenagers. “Sorry.” She puts her hand up against the side of her face, next to her eye, and walks quickly through the room.

Nomi sits back against the couch and takes a few deep breaths. She runs her fingers through her hair. Nomi finds Amanita more and more irresistible each time she is around her. Seeing pictures of Amanita in her younger years only makes it worse. But what a wonderful problem to have.

Amanita licks her lips, glancing over at Nomi. The photo albums are forgotten on the floor. She rubs her hands over her face and lets out a long sigh. It’s never cool when your parent walks in on you with your partner. Its not like they were having sex right then and there, but it’s still awkward. Amanita finds Nomi’s right hand and wraps it up in her own, holding tight.

Grace comes back in from the kitchen. “Sorry, girls. The men fired up the grill. I’ve gathered the food. Let’s go. Amanita get the plates and silverware, glasses and bring them outside. We’ll eat on the balcony. It’s a beautiful evening. Come on.” She passes through with a large tray of vegetables, bean burgers, corn on the cob.

* * *

 

They all sit around the two small tables that Grace has. Pushed together for closeness. The food is passed around as it comes off the grill.

Nomi likes it. Surprisingly, her family is not like this. They aren’t close. They don’t share personal space. They don’t have fluid, flowing conversation like the one that’s going on right now.

“So, what are your plans for the evening, Amanita?” Grace asks. She knows the usual routine, but since Amanita brought a guest she assumes the usual routine has been thrown out the window.

Amanita looks to Nomi, they share a look. “I’m going to take Nomi home.”

“You know you are welcome to stay the night with us, dear.” Grace tells Nomi.

Nomi nods. “I know. Thank you for the offer but I have work to do in the morning.” It’s the truth and not at all a lie. That settles the discussion.

“I’ll just drop her off and come back.” Amanita pops a grilled mushroom into her mouth and smiles at Nomi.

“I could just take a cab.” Nomi offers.

Amanita chews her mushroom while shaking her head. “Nonsense.” She takes Nomi’s hand, interlocking their fingers. “You don’t need to spend money on a cab. I’ll take you.” She leans in close to Nomi’s cheek. “That way it’ll give me a little extra time with you.” Amanita presses a kiss to Nomi’s cheek.

The dads all ‘awww’ in unison.

* * *

 

Amanita pulls up outside Nomi’s building and shuts the motorcycle off. Nomi hops off and undoes her helmet. She sets it on the seat and reaches for Amanita’s hand. “You wanna come upstairs?” Nomi doesn’t know why- well, she knows why but- she wants Amanita to come upstairs. She’s had the best day ever and she feels so full of happiness and love that it might just explode from her.

“I- uh- I promised my mom I’d be back.” Amanita looks Nomi in the eyes. She sees something there that she thinks she might have seen a glimpse of before.

Nomi tugs on Amanita’s hand. “Please.” She pouts.

That’s all it takes. “Okay, but just for a little while, then I have to go.”

“Okay.” Nomi says, biting her lip. She takes a step back and watches Amanita take her helmet off and then dismount from the bike. She holds her hand out and waits until Amanita takes it before spinning around and leading them up the steps.

Nomi opens the door to the building in silence. Amanita looks around the neighborhood and waits. She jumps when Nomi pulls her into the building, not realizing Nomi had opened the door. They head up the stairs and the same thing happens when they get to Nomi’s door.

Nomi pushes the door open and lets Amanita step inside first. Nomi drops her bag just inside the door, shutting it. She stands in front of the door, eyeing Amanita hungrily.

Amanita licks her lips. “What did you want-“

Nomi cuts her off. “These pants have been driving me nuts all day long.”

“Wha-“ Amanita asks, as hands find her hips, pushing her up against the closed door. She smirks. “What are you doing?” She is pleasantly surprised.

Nomi kisses the side of Amanita’s jaw. “Thanking you for showing me a wonderful day.” Her right hand slide from Amanita’s hip to between her legs, cupping Amanita gently. “And for showing me what family means to you.”

Amanita’s mouth hangs open.

Nomi’s lips find Amanita’s. “And for helping me to not feel awkward around your parents.” She kisses Amanita fiercely. “And-“ She massages with her hand and moves her lips to Amanita’s neck, sucking on the spot below her ear before whispering. “-for being smoking hot.” Nomi slips her hand into Amanita’s pants, fingers finding warm, wet skin.

Amanita moans and arches into Nomi’s touch. The feeling of Nomi finally touching her _there,_ driving her crazy. She’s waited for this day for what felt like forever, but it’s finally here. But, as Nomi’s fingers work through her slickness, Amanita knows it was well worth the wait. She wraps her arms around Nomi’s shoulders, holding onto her girlfriend for dear life.

“Nom-“ She groans, swallowing thickly, and breathing rapidly.

Nomi’s eyes find Amanita’s, sharing a look. She connects her lips to Amanita in a kiss filled with heat. She holds Amanita up with her free arm, pushing her into the door, her fingers working their magic. A few seconds, Nomi rests her forehead against Amanita’s.

“So- so-“ Amanita closes her eyes, tilting her head back against the door, losing the connection with Nomi.

Nomi smirks, adjust her hold on Amanita, she can tell she’s gonna need it in a few seconds. Pushing into her with her own body for support as Amanita’s climax reaches its peak.

Amanita lets out a breathy groan and all of her limbs turn to noodles. Nomi kisses the underside of Amanita’s jaw until Amanita tilts her head down and her eyes flutter open slowly. “I need- to sit down.”

Nomi chuckles and steers Amanita to a chair at the kitchen table. Amanita pulls it out and flops down into it. She tips her back, eyes closed again, as she takes deep breaths. “Wow.” She says.

Nomi goes over to the sink, washing her hands, before getting two glasses and filling them with water from the tap. She brings the waters over to the table. She sets one down in front of Amanita, taking a drink from her own glass, before setting it down. Nomi grabs a chair from the other side of the table and pulls it around until she has it facing the chair that Amanita is sitting in. She not sure what to do so she sits and waits.

Amanita takes the glass of water that Nomi brought her and drinks the whole thing in a few big gulps. She smiles, looking straight at Nomi. “I don’t know if I can face my parents again after that.” She laughs.

“Sorry?” Nomi shrugs.

“I didn’t expect-“

“You could stay here.” Nomi offers. “If you wanted.”

Amanita weighs her options. She wonders about what just happened and what could happen the rest of the night. “Do you want me to-?” She points awkwardly at Nomi.

Nomi shakes her head with a smile. “No. Not tonight and you don’t have to stay. I was just offering. I know you have a tradition with your family.”

Amanita thinks about family and thinks, _I want to make you my family._ She doesn’t dare say that out loud though. She leans forward in her chair, elbows on her knees. “You’re so sweet.” She says and kisses Nomi. Soft and slow. Amanita leans back with a soft sigh. “I’m glad you had a good time today. I hope my parents didn’t make you not want to come back. They can be a little much at first.” Amanita really hopes that these days with Nomi and her parents can continue in the future.

“No, it was good. A little unorthodox but really good. I think I needed that. Thank you for inviting me.” Nomi says earnestly. She really means it. Sure, Amanita’s family takes a little getting used to, but not in a bad way.

“No problem, babe.” Amanita winks. “I loved having you there. Going through my baby pictures, all the pictures, really. It was nice. I enjoyed sharing that with you. And plus, all the focus wasn’t solely on me for once. I love my parents but sometimes getting questioned by all four of them, all at once, and/or all day is exhausting. I had a good buffer today.”

“I’ll be your buffer any day.” Nomi say before she realizes what she’s saying. She doesn’t want to take it back though.

Amanita smiles dopily at her. “I had a great day. And as much as I’d like to accept your offer to stay, I told my mom I would be returning.”

Nomi nods. “I like your tradition.” She wishes she had a family as great as Amanita’s and that they had fun traditions.

“Maybe-“ Amanita wants to be hopeful about the future but doesn’t know how bold she should be right now. “-maybe next year you can join us for Memorial Day.” She says exactly what she’s thinking.

Nomi nods again. “I would like that.”

“I should get going. I’m just gonna use the bathroom before I do.” Amanita bites her lip. She stands up, her legs a lot less shaky than they were a few minutes ago.

Nomi ducks her head. Slightly awkward at the mention of the bathroom. She reaches for her glass of water and takes a drink once Amanita has gone into the bathroom. She runs her fingers through her hair and wonders if she’s making the correct decisions today.

When Amanita comes out of the bathroom, Nomi gets up from her chair and meets Amanita at the door. She holds out her hands, palms up. Amanita places her hands in Nomi’s. Nomi pulls Amanita in and takes a step forward at the same time so that they are brushed up against each other. Hands at their sides, Nomi puckers her lips for a kiss which Amanita more than accepts.

It’s a sweet sort of kiss. A brush of lips against lips, slight pressure, before releasing, retreating. “Today was great. Thank you.” Amanita mumbles.

Nomi bites her lip and glances to the side, avoiding Amanita’s eyes. She knows what Amanita means. And she’s not talking about anything that happened when they were at Grace’s house.

“Hey.” Amanita says to bring Nomi’s attention back to her.

Nomi turns back, a tight-lipped smile on her lips. Amanita looks at her, like really looks. Staring into Nomi’s eyes. If it were anyone else, she’d turn away and think it were creepy. But, it’s Amanita, so it’s not. It’s a moment. She looks back into Amanita’s eyes, a silent conversation taking place.

That is, until Amanita shifts, leaning in for another kiss. A peck to Nomi’s lips, and then one for her cheek. “I should go.” She whispers, the promise to her mother ringing in her brain. Nomi nods. Amanita cups Nomi’s cheek. “I’ll see you soon.” She whispers. Nomi nods again. Amanita rubs her thumb underneath Nomi’s eye and leans in for a slow, sweet goodnight kiss.

Nomi takes a step back following the kiss, breaking their little bubble, their connection. “Okay.” She sucks in a quick breath of air.

“Wait.” Amanita steps up to Nomi. “One more.” She smiles softly and kisses Nomi again, this time with a little more force behind it. A nice, solid kiss. Amanita reaches for the doorknob mid-kiss. She knows if she doesn’t put forth the effort to leave, she won’t. She turns the knob and cracks the door open, breaking the kiss at the same time. “I really should go.” She mumbles.

“You keep saying that.” Nomi grins.

Amanita rolls her eyes. “Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.”

Nomi tilts her head to the side, pondering Amanita’s words.

“Okay.” Amanita pulls the door open all the way. “I’m gonna go. I’ll text you later.”

Nomi nods. “Okay. Bye.”

Amanita takes a step away from Nomi, eyes never leaving her face. “Bye.” She whispers, side-stepping and sliding out the door.

Nomi steps forward, putting a hand on the edge of the door, so Amanita can’t close it. She gives Amanita a tight-lipped smile, telling her that she’ll take care of closing the door. Amanita nods, with one last smile, turns, she takes a few steps down the hall towards the stairs.

“Neets.” There’s urgency in Nomi’s voice. Her heart pounds. Her head spins.

Amanita turns around to face her, an eyebrow raised. “Yeah?”

“I- I-“ Nomi stutters. “Have a good night.” She settles for. It’s not what she wanted to say.

“Thanks, honey.” Amanita smiles happily. “You too.” She waits a beat, waits to see if Nomi is going to say anything else. She doesn’t. Amanita turns and finishes her trek to the stairs.

Nomi watches as Amanita disappears out of view. She shuts the apartment door, leaning back against it and letting out a long sigh. She slides down the door until her butt hits the floor, her knees folded in front of her.

* * *

 

Amanita goes back to her mom’s house. She thinks about Nomi the whole ride over and when she gets there doesn’t remember how she got there having taken the correct streets but not having a memory of doing so. Probably not very safe but she made it.

She walks in the door and her mom pops out from the kitchen. “Oh, I was starting to worry about you. You were gone longer than I expected. And you didn’t call or text.”

Amanita nods. “Sorry, mom. I’m fine. I was just saying goodnight to Nomi.” She avoids her mother’s eyes.

Her mother’s eyes that are surveying Amanita, scanning her up and down. She can see a difference in her daughter. Something that is present now that wasn’t present before. Grace smiles knowingly at Amanita. “Okay, dear. Your fathers are in the den reminiscing and smoking. I’m getting more tea. I’ll be in in a minute.”

“Okay.” Amanita walks quickly away from her mom and their slightly awkward encounter. She walks in and sees them passing a joint around and laughing. Amanita smiles. “I’m back.”

“Come here, darling.” They wave her over. Earl holds out the joint for her to take as Amanita comes over.

Amanita takes it and takes a hit and hands it back. “What are we talking about?” She asks and sits on a pillow on the floor.


	12. Weekend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i know this is long overdue. I had a bit of writer's block. After that passed i had issues with my computer. After that i started working more (less time to write). Enough excuses though...

Nomi walks down the street, head held high, a pleasant smile on her face. She’s decided to take a lunch break away from the apartment. It’s the day after Memorial Day, so Tuesday. She’s feeling empowered yet a little timid.

Nomi spent most of the day before working. When she wasn’t working she was thinking about Amanita and what she might be doing. Her mind kept going back to the last time she saw Amanita. And every time it did, she would look over at her apartment door. For two reasons, one being Amanita’s hesitation to leave that night and Nomi almost spilling her feeling to her as she left. Two, the rather forward sex act she performed against said door.

She can’t get enough of the woman, thus she walking to the bookstore.

Nomi walks in but doesn’t see Amanita at the counter. It’s that blonde guy named Chad. She wonders, briefly, if Amanita is there but then thinks that it’s Tuesday, where else would she be. Maybe she’s in the back room or if she’s hidden by the rows of books. She takes a step towards the counter; tempted to ask Chad about Amanita’s whereabouts. He’s busy with two customers, though, so she bypasses it.

She makes her way to the non-fiction section and looks for a book to catch her eyes. There’s always a positive to not finding Amanita, and that’s potentially finding a new book to read. While she’s looking at her third book she hears a familiar voice. Nomi looks to her left and doesn’t see the owner of the voice. She looks the right. There’s no one to found there either. Nomi turns around. The voice continues but there’s no one in the aisle she’s in. They’re in the next row over.

Nomi shelves the book in hand and walks to the end of the row. She peeks around the corner of the end of the row, smiling when she spots Amanita helping a little old man. Nomi watches them interact for a few seconds. Amanita has her back to Nomi. This is the perfect opportunity. Nomi quietly sneaks down the aisle and stops about five feet away from Amanita and the old man. She pretends to look at the books on the shelf in front of herself. She waits.

Amanita finishes up with her customer and sends him on his way towards the register with his book. She looks both ways down the aisle for other customers. She squeals and takes the few steps over to Nomi when she sees her standing there.

Nomi side-eyes Amanita, biting her lip.

“What are you doing here?” Amanita asks.

“Can’t I come to my favorite bookstore?”

Amanita shrugs. She could go two ways with this. She decides with a little flirty fun. “May I ask why _this_ is your favorite bookstore in all of San Francisco?”

Nomi looks away from Amanita. “No.”

Amanita pouts, putting both of her hands on Nomi’s forearm. “Please?”

Nomi rolls her eyes playfully at Amanita. “I think you know why.”

Amanita shakes her head. “Why don’t you tell me.” She smirks.

Nomi shrugs. “Well, it’s close to where I live. The help is usually, well, helpful. Though I don’t know about today. I haven’t had anyone ask if I needed anything.” She raises an eyebrow at Amanita. “I mean, their book selection is pretty good. And there’s this other thing-“

“Oh yeah?” Amanita hangs on Nomi’s words.

Nomi nods. “Yeah. There’s this- this hot chick that works here that I’m interested in. Maybe you know her.”

“I don’t know.” Amanita can’t help but smile like a love-sick puppy. “Can you describe her for me?”

Nomi puzzles over it for a second. “She’s about yay high.” She lifts her hand and puts it on the top of Amanita’s head. “She’s got the most beautiful skin tone. Kinda like milk chocolate.” Nomi looks down at Amanita’s bare arms, running the back of her hand down from the shoulder to the elbow. “She has these really inviting brown eyes.” Finally, she looks directly into Amanita’s eyes. “And her hair- oh her hair-“ Nomi fades off.

Amanita squeezes Nomi’s arm. “Okay, okay.” She giggles, feeling high on Nomi’s compliments. “But seriously, what are you doing here?”

“I came to look for a new book. And-“ Nomi licks her suddenly dry lips. “I needed to see you. And invite you over for dinner on Friday night. I’m gonna make you dinner. And you should- uh should stay overnight- bring an overnight bag.” She gets a little timid and awkward towards the end.

Amanita doesn’t need to be told twice. She knows the proper translation for what Nomi just told her. “I’d love too. I can’t wait. What are you making for dinner?”

Nomi shrugs. She doesn’t know yet. “I have to figure that part out yet. Any suggestions?”

Amanita shakes her head. “I’m a simple being. Not like a five-course meal or anything. That’s for sure. A main dish and maybe a salad.” She suggests.

Nomi nods, filing Amanita’s words away in her brain.

Amanita goes back to work, leaving Nomi with a kiss on the cheek. Nomi hangs around the bookstore for a little while looking for a book. When she finds a book she pays and returns to her apartment to begin planning for Friday evening.

* * *

 

“So, what are you making me for dinner?” Amanita says playfully. She finds herself in Nomi’s apartment. Coming straight from work with her overnight bag.

“I’m not telling you.” Nomi smirks.

“Aww, come on.” Amanita slinks over to Nomi’s side, wrapping her hands around Nomi’s wrist. “Please?”

Nomi shakes her head. “Nope. It’s a surprise.”

“How are you going to keep it a surprise? I’m here and you haven’t started cooking yet.” Amanita points out. “Pwease?” Amanita begs with puppy dog eyes. “I’ll help. Pwease?”

Nomi rolls her eyes. She can’t resist the adorableness. “Fine.”

Amanita lets go of Nomi’s arm. “Yes.” She pumps her fists in the air, making Nomi laugh. Amanita grins devilishly. “Well? What is it?”

Nomi shrugs. “Spaghetti.”

Amanita laughs. She wants to blurt out that she loves Nomi but knows that she might not get the same in response. It’s getting increasingly hardly to hold inside. She falls more in love with Nomi every time that they are together. Spaghetti, like on their first official date. Amanita thinks that’s the cutest thing in the world. She wraps Nomi up in a tight hug, nuzzling her nose into the side of Nomi’s neck. “Like on our date.” She mumbles against the skin before pressing her lips to the spot.

Nomi nods. “You really wanna help me?”

Amanita pulls away from Nomi, nodding. “Yeah. I couldn’t imagine anything being more perfect right now.”

Nomi wrinkles her brow. She wants to say _really,_ but doesn’t. “Okay.” She goes with instead. “Should we get started? Are you hungry?”

“Totally.” Amanita tugs Nomi into the kitchen and they start on the meal.

* * *

 

Nomi walks through the park with Amanita’s hand firmly held in her own. Their dinner was delightful. A little homage to their first date with pasta and meatballs. It was simple, yet meaningful. Nomi suggested a walk after dinner.

They come upon a playground during their walk. Nomi releases Amanita’s hand and walks over to the swings. She sits on one and starts rocking back and forth. Nomi pumps her legs to get higher and higher.

Amanita follows along a few seconds later. She stops in front of the swingset and just watches Nomi as she swings away with the most pleasant smile on her face. “You like swinging?”

Nomi’s smile grows. “I love swinging.”

Amanita grins at the sight in front of her. Nomi swinging away like a happy child. She goes over and sits on the swing next to Nomi’s swing. Amanita just sits, she doesn’t swing.

Nomi looks over and wonders why Amanita isn’t swinging. “Swing, Neets.” She yells. Amanita chuckles and shakes her head. “Why not?” Nomi asks and plants her heals in the ground, bringing her swing to an abrupt stop. She wraps her hands tightly around the chains, at head height, and leans forward on the swing, anchoring her feet to the ground below.

“Because I was enjoying watching you.” Amanita shrugs. Nomi raises an eyebrow at her. “You looked so happy, so full of life, like you didn’t have a care in the world. And that nothing mattered in the moment but swinging. I could see the joy in your eyes. It was pure, and it was beautiful, and it made me fall more in love with you. I just wanted to sit here and think I love this girl, but you had to be nosy and ask why I was just sitting here.” Amanita messes around with Nomi a little.

Nomi presses her lips together tightly. She gets off of her swing and goes to stand in front of Amanita. She looks down at her, puts a hand on her cheek, tilting Amanita’s chin up, and leaning down for a kiss. Her heart races in her chest. “I love you.” Nomi says after the kiss. There is another kiss, and another. They grow in intensity. Tongues and teeth, total euphoria.

“Yeah?” Amanita asks after the kiss. She wants to make sure she isn’t hearing things. Or making things up in her head.

Nomi nods. “Yeah.”

Amanita wraps her arms, somewhat awkwardly, around Nomi’s waist. She buries her face in Nomi’s stomach. Nomi chuckles and cradles Amanita’s head in her hands.

“Let’s go back to my place.” Nomi suggests. Amanita gets up from her swing and they hurry hand in hand back to Nomi’s apartment.

It’s a little awkward at first. This is uncharted territory for them. Amanita looks over at Nomi numerous times as she removes her shoes by the door. She waits. Amanita’s heart beats faster than normal in her chest. She waits for Nomi to finish. For her to remove her shoes, to set her bag down. Amanita holds her hands out and waits for Nomi to cross the room to place her hands into Amanita’s.

“I love you.” Amanita whispers.

Nomi nods. “I love you too.” Her pulse races.

“Are you ready?” Amanita asks. It seems like a somewhat strange question, but she considers everything and knows that she needs to ask.

Nomi nods. “I am.” She pulls Amanita towards her, closing the distance between their bodies. “This is a big deal to me.”

“I know.” Amanita looks into Nomi’s eyes. “Do you want me to take the lead or?”

Nomi nods.

“Okay.” Amanita takes a deep breath. She slips her arms up around Nomi’s neck, comfortably leaning into her. They stare at each other for a little while. Thinking, trying to read the others thoughts, sharing the closeness, the intimacy of the moment. Amanita smirks after a few seconds and leans in for a kiss. It’s natural and all the nerves fade away for her as the kiss deepens.

Nomi feels so comfortable in Amanita’s arms, in her care. She nervous, but in a good way. She’s more than willing to let Amanita take the lead and control their movement and how the night is going to go. She knows that if there’s anything that bothers her that she can just tell Amanita. She’s never felt this strongly about another person before and so soon as she gets out of her mind and relaxes everything flows smoothly.

Nomi walks them backwards towards the bed as their kisses continue. They stop at the side and Amanita pulls her shirt over her head. “Lay down.” She instructs. Nomi lays on the bed and Amanita crawls over her on all fours, resuming their kissing.

Things progress quickly from their and clothes are removed until it’s naked bodies. “You okay?” Amanita checks in.

“Yeah.” Nomi’s voice cracks. “You?”

Amanita smiles and nods. “More than.”

Nomi smirks. “Make love to me.”

* * *

 

“What are you thinking about?” Nomi asks.

Amanita swirls her index finger around in patterns on the upper part of Nomi’s arm. “Honestly?”

“Yes, honestly.”

“I was thinking about the BBQ at my mom’s house.”

“Oh.” Nomi thinks it’s a strange thing to be thinking about in this post-coital moment.

“I know. Weird, right?”

“I wasn’t gonna say it but-“

“You were thinking it.” Amanita finishes for Nomi. Nomi nods. “I didn’t tell you this yet. But, I went back and got to talking with my parents. Somehow the subject came around to you. Lionel asked how I met you and I told them all the story.”

Nomi grins, hiding her face in the pillow before turning back to Amanita. “Did you tell them that I didn’t want to go out with you.”

“No. And that’s not how I see it. What I saw was you being protective and cautious. And I won’t fault you for that. And that’s not how I’ll tell the story, ever.” Amanita cranes her neck to press a kiss to Nomi’s forehead.  “I told them about the crush I had and how you always came into the bookstore. It was really nice to talk about you. Like I wanted to brag about you and stuff. It was so awesome. That feeling.”

“You’re cute.” Nomi cuddles closer to Amanita, laying her arm across Amanita’s hip.

Amanita moves her hand from Nomi’s arm to cradle the back of her head. She pulls Nomi’s face closer, leaning in to kiss her gently. “I love you.” She whispers.

Nomi takes in a deep breath. “I love you too.” She sighs.

Amanita pulls Nomi’s body to her own. “Tonight was amazing. Thank you.”

Nomi presses her lips against Amanita’s collarbone. “You deserved it and you’re welcome.”

“Mmmm.” Amanita hums. “Sleep now?” She mumbles. Nomi nods against Amanita’s chest. Amanita kisses Nomi’s forehead once more before closing her eyes for rest.

* * *

 

Nomi wakes the next morning. She comes into consciousness and feels something on her left hip. She looks down and sees a hand. Amanita’s hand. A smile comes to her lips as the thoughts of last night’s activities come back to her. She wiggles herself backwards until she feels skin press up against her back. Nomi smirks and rolls over. The sin of skin too much of a temptation to resist. She walks her fingertips up the length of Amanita’s arm that is hanging outside of the sheet that is covering the rest of her naked body.

She uses gentle strokes and touches to wake Amanita. “Neets.” Nomi whispers and presses her lips to Amanita’s cheek. “Wake up.”

Nomi kisses Amanita, her lips wander from Amanita lips over to her cheek, then to her ear. She licks around the outside of Amanita’s ear. “You up for round two?” She husks out.

A shiver runs through Amanita’s body. She nods. Words eluding her. Amanita moans as soft hands caress her skin, wandering, feeling, touching. She arches into Nomi’s every touch until it becomes too much and she redirects Nomi’s hand to where she needs it the most.

* * *

 

They spend the whole day together, Saturday. After showering and getting dressed and ready for the day, Nomi suggests that they go out for breakfast. “I know this little place a little ways from here.”

“Sounds good.” Amanita mumbles. She pulls her boots on her feet. “I’m ready to go.” She walks over to Nomi, wrapping her arms around her waist. “You ready?”

Nomi nods and leans in and kisses Amanita’s cheek. “Let’s go.”

Nomi leads the way to the restaurant for breakfast. It’s within walking distance. Amanita gleefully bounces along at her side, happy to just be present in the moment. She squeezes Nomi’s hand as they walk, and Nomi looks over and they share a special smile.

Breakfast is filled with more secret looks and smiles. They don’t talk much but Nomi does strike up a conversation towards the end of their meal. “What do you want to do today?”

“Hmmm.” Amanita hums. That’s a good question. If it were totally up to Amanita, she would say something like just hangout and spend the whole day in bed just watching movies or listening to music or anything relaxing really and having Nomi at her side the whole time. “Let’s just have a chill day. I just wanna be around you. That’s all.”

“You’re so cute.” Nomi bites her bottom lip.

Once back at Nomi’s apartment, Nomi pulls her laptop out and sits on the edge of the bed. Amanita sits on the bed with her back against the headboard. “I’m just going to check my e-mail real quick. Is that okay?” Nomi asks.

“Sure.” Amanita tells her.

“Then we can watch a movie afterwards.” Nomi mentions.

Amanita grins. “Sounds perfect.” That’s the perfect thing in Amanita’s opinion. “Do you have work that you have to do this weekend?” She wonders, she knows Nomi has a rather random work schedule.

Nomi shakes her head. She looks over her shoulder at Amanita. “No. I got it all done in preparation for the weekend. I wanted to make sure that the whole weekend was free for you and that I didn’t have to do any work at all. I made sure that the whole weekend was open. I’m just checking my e-mails to see if anything new has come up.”

“With your super secret work.” Amanita mumbles, begrudgingly.

Nomi pauses. She gets up and readjusts so that she is sitting on the bed, similar to Amanita, with her back against the headboard. She crosses her ankles in front of herself and rests the laptop on her legs. “I have two new e-mails, but I’ll look at those later.” Nomi gets the sense that Amanita doesn’t like not knowing what she does exactly for work, based on previous comments.

Nomi takes a deep breath and opens up a program on her computer and starts typing on the keyboard.

“What are you doing?” Amanita watches intently.

“I’m showing you what I do.” Nomi explains matter-of-factly. “I told you I wrote columns or articles and blogs and I do. But… that’s not my main profession.”

A lightbulb goes off in Amanita’s mind. “I knew there had to be more to it than what you were telling me.”

Nomi accesses the company’s computer system that has recently hired her to do such work. “This company hired me to go into their computer system. See what I could access. I’m still working on it, but they are in need of upgrades to their cybersecurity systems.”

“So, you’re a hacker.” Amanita mumbles as she watches Nomi do her thing.

“I don’t like that term. I’m helping theses companies improve their security on multiple levels. I don’t do this for malicious reasons. I’m helping them.”

“And they pay you?” Amanita is putting all of the pieces together.

“Yes. And handsomely, in many cases.”

“I knew a blogger or column writer or whatever couldn’t afford a place like this.” Amanita waves her had at the room.

Nomi smirks and turns her head towards Amanita. “Yeah.” She winks.

After Nomi shows Amanita a few things she shuts the computer down. They watch a couple of movies and then have dinner. After dinner, Nomi shows Amanita more about what she does for work. The ins and outs of how she goes about each job. Amanita is stunned and amazed all at the same time.

“You’re such a badass.” Amanita claims. “I never would have thought.” She points at the laptop. “All this. It’s crazy. And it’s sexy as hell.” She leans in and finds Nomi’s lips with her own. Kisses lead to touches and touches lead to clothes being removed and soon they are naked on the bed again professing their newly found love for one another.

Amanita ends up staying at Nomi’s apartment the entire weekend. And as she leaves Sunday night to go home and do laundry and get ready for work the next day she thinks it’s one of the best, chillest weekends she’s ever had. And that’s saying something.


	13. Pride

It’s a Friday night and Amanita is over at Nomi’s place. She has to work the next morning at eight, so they can’t do anything overly exciting. Just a casual night in. She watches as Nomi works on something on her computer. “I have no idea what you are doing.” Amanita comments. “It looks super complicated and difficult though.”

Nomi nods to acknowledge the comments. “It’s coding. I can show you how to do it.”

“How to be a hacker?” Amanita looks on in shock.

Nomi looks over at her girlfriend with a smile. “No. Well, not really. Just some computer stuff that may or may not be adjacent to hacking.”

Amanita nods slowly and ponders the idea. “How do you know so much about hacking and stuff, anyway?”

“Mmm.” Nomi hums. “Remember when I said I was always in my room on the computer when I was a teenager.”

“Oh.” Amanita nods. “Wow.” She adds when all the pieces fall into place. “I didn’t know I was dating an evil computer genius.”

Nomi raises a hand, index finger in the air. “Hey, not evil. What I do is for companies. I’m helping them improve their systems and their business overall.” Nomi holds out the computer. “Here.” She starts showing Amanita some basic stuff.

After about fifteen minutes, Amanita loses focus. It’s just not that interesting to her. Maybe if they were applying the information Nomi is telling her to something or a situation it would be more exciting but they’re not and it’s just plain boring. She starts playing with Nomi’s hair instead. Which turns into a shoulder massage, which turns into kisses and soft touches. Amanita pulls her lips from Nomi’s. “Come to Pride with me.”

Nomi wrinkles up her face. “Uh-“

“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. We can dress up. Our first pride together.” Amanita says, implying there will be more in the future.

Nomi tilts her head to the side. “You don’t have to twist my arm. I was going to say yes. You just surprised me, that’s all.”

“Awesome sauce.” Amanita pulls Nomi in for a fierce kiss.

* * *

 

They get all dressed up.

“Are you really going to wearing those leg warmers?” Nomi asks.

Amanita hasn’t put them on yet. “Yeah, you don’t want me to?”

Nomi shakes her head. “No, you can wear whatever you want. They’re just a bit ridiculous. That’s all.” Nomi goes over to the mirror where Amanita is fixing her hair up.

“All the more reason to wear them.” Amanita smirks when Nomi appears behind her in the mirror.

Nomi wraps her arms around Amanita from behind and kisses her exposed shoulder. “You look super hot.” She reaches up, grabbing handful of breast in each hand, giving them a gentle squeeze. “I like the smiley faces.” She looks in the mirror, smirking at Amanita.

Amanita giggles and spins around in Nomi’s arm. “Thanks.” She takes a good look at Nomi’s outfit. “You look great. Like a beautiful spring day. I like the dress.”

“I’m gonna put a sweater over this.” Nomi adds.

“Awesome. I’m almost ready to go. I just have to finish my hair.” Amanita smirks. “And put my leg warmers on.”

“Okay, I’ll be in the other room.”

* * *

 

They get a pretty good spot to watch the parade from. Under a tree, so they are in the shade.

Nomi leans into Amanita’s side and whisper into her ear. “Maybe next year we can be in the parade.”

Amanita focuses on the ‘next year’ part more than any other words in Nomi’s sentence. She turns her head so that they are face to face. “Sure thing, babe.” Making a promise and sealing it with a kiss.

* * *

 

“I’m gonna need to sit down soon. All this standing-“ Nomi tells Amanita.

Amanita nods. “Yeah, me too. I’m starving. Should we go get something to eat?” They walk away from their spot under the shade tree. Amanita nearly drags Nomi into the nearest restaurant. It’s loud and hard to hear. As is every place along the parade route. They wait in line and when it’s their turn Amanita order food for the both of them. Without saying anything, Amanita leads them out of the restaurant, take out food in hand.

They go over to the hill and sit down to eat. “What did you get?” Nomi asks.

“I figured we weren’t being too picky today, so I went with two club sandwiches and an order of sweet potato fries. I thought we could share those.” Amanita explains what is in the bag.

“Perfect.” Nomi mumbles. She’s certainly not going to complain when Amanita orders food for the both of them. Especially when there’s nothing to complain about because Amanita has done such a damn good job of ordering something delicious.

Amanita is unpacking the food when someone approaches them. “Good afternoon, may I offer you a little something to enhance your experience today?” A man in denim shorts, and a short orange robe, and giant sunglasses with an old-timey picnic basket asks.

“May I ask what you are talking about?” Nomi asks, totally confused.

Amanita looks the guy over, notices the basket. “Brownies or cookies?” She assumes.

“Brownies.” The man smiles.

“I’ll take one.” Amanita says and goes back to unpacking their lunch.

“What about you?” The man asks Nomi.

“Uh-“ Nomi looks to Amanita.

“Do whatever you want. No peer pressure from me.” Amanita mumbles, she more focuses on her meal. She’s famished.

“Sure.” Nomi breathes out.

“Wonderful.” The man opens his basket and hands them each a brownie. “Have a lovely day, ladies.”

“Thanks, you too.” Amanita waves as he walks away from them. She eats her brownie right away. “This should be interesting.”

“Why?” Nomi asks, holding her brownie out away from her body like it might attack her if she lets it get too close.

“A little brownie buzz. On a beautiful day. At Pride. Come on. What could be better?” Amanita holds her arms out at her sides and looks up at the sky.

“You really are a hippie, aren’t you?” Nomi laughs.

“Maybe. Now eat it. Here’s your sandwich.” Amanita holds the sandwich out towards Nomi. She has to wait until Nomi takes one bite, then two, to eat her brownie. Nomi take the offered sandwich once her hand is empty.

As they eat, the brownies kicks in. “Come here.” Amanita pats the spot on the grass between her legs. She moves the garbage from their lunch to the side, to be picked up when they get up to leave. Nomi comes closer to Amanita, her legs crossed like a pretzel. “No. Closer.” Amanita demands. She reaches out and grabs each of Nomi’s ankles and pulls.

“Hey.” Nomi yells and puts her hands out behind herself so she doesn’t fall over backwards.

Amanita tries to pull Nomi towards herself.

“Stop it. I’m wearing a dress.”

Amanita stops and let’s go of Nomi’s ankles. She pouts. “Sorry, I just- I just-“

Nomi moves forward, on her own terms towards Amanita, sitting in the spot that Amanita so eagerly wanted her in. “Is this better?” She’s having a hard time focusing on anything for very long so Nomi stares at Amanita hoping that will help. “I feel funny.”

Amanita laughs. She scoots closer to Nomi, putting her legs over Nomi’s, trying to wrap her ankles around her back. “This is the _interesting_ part.” Amanita licks her lips. “Did I tell you that we are meeting some of my friends here today?”

“Uh- I think so.” Nomi tries to remember.

Amanita laughs. “They can wait. Come here.”

“What time?”

Amanita scrunches up her face. “What time what?”

“Are we meeting them.” Nomi clarifies.

“Four, I think.” Amanita reaches for Nomi’s face. “We’ve got time.” She leans in for a kiss. “Don’t worry.” She mumbles against Nomi’s lips.

“I’m not worried.” Nomi says.

“Good. Now let me kiss you.”

Nomi laughs. “Oh my god.”

* * *

 

They walk over to where Amanita’s friends said they would be sitting. Holding hands and giggling and being goofy, bumping into each other with every step they take.

“Hey y’all, this is the one I’ve been talking about.” Amanita says as they jog up to the group.

“Wait, I know you. You’re the tranny that blogs about politics.” The woman, Sam, at the front of the group says.

Nomi nods and Amanita’s friend goes on. “Well, I totally disagree with what you said about dropping LGBT.

The chick behind her reaches forward and grab her arm. “Hey, come on, relax. It’s a party.” She raises her glass with some sort of blue drink in it for emphasis.

The one sitting at the front of the group isn’t buying it. “We fought hard for that recognition.”

Nomi defends her article. “I just thought that the distinctions were separating us.” She looks to Amanita as she speaks.

“Bullshit. Just another colonizing male trying to take up any space left to women.” She ends up shifting her focus from Nomi to Amanita as she speaks.

Amanita takes her sunglasses off and squares up with her friend. “Sam, say one more thing about my girlfriend and I will colonize your face with my fist.” There’s a fire behind her words.

“Oh yeah.”

“Yeah.” Amanita nods.

Nomi leans into Amanita’s side. “I’m gonna go.” She half whispers. This situation is escalating, and she doesn’t want anything to get out of hand. She’s not one for confrontations. Amanita just threatened violence and she doesn’t want that. Nomi turns and starts to walk away.

“Oh, please.” Amanita yells, after Nomi starts to walk away. “She’s a loud-mouth Berkeley bitch.” Amanita turns back to Sam to finish off her point.

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you.” Amanita spits back.

Nomi walks away from the group as fast as she can.

“Hey, N- Nomi.” Amanita calls after Nomi. She chases after Nomi, weaving through the maze of people that are sitting on the ground. She catches up to Nomi after a few seconds. Amanita reaches for Nomi’s hand. “Wait. Honey.” Nomi stops and turns to Amanita with tears in her eyes. “What is it? You never cry at stuff like that.”

Nomi takes a breath. “I’m not crying because of her.”

Amanita doesn’t understand. She shakes her head. “What?”

“I’m crying because no one’s ever defended me before.” Nomi says and looks down at the ground.

“Ah.” Amanita coos and reaches out for Nomi’s face. Kisses her on the lips a couple of times before moving to kiss her cheek and then the side of her neck, wrapping her arms around Nomi in a hug.

Amanita pulls back from the hug and frames Nomi’s face with her hands again, wiping away tears from under Nomi’s eyes with her thumbs. “Fuck her.” She tells Nomi quietly.

Nomi shakes her head. “That’s not very nice. She’s your friend.”

“Not anymore.” Amanita says firmly.

Nomi thinks it’s ridiculous to say. “You can’t just not be friends anymore.”

“Watch me.” Amanita holds her chin up high, smugly. “I don’t need that. _You_ don’t need that. I don’t need that kind of negativity or nastiness in my life. I won’t allow it. And if I had known those were her thoughts on the subject I would have ended the friendship as soon as I knew. With or without you in the picture. I won’t be friends with anyone that has anything bad to say about you. I’m always going to be with you. On your side. Never against you. She can go fuck herself.” Amanita says in a huff. It really irritates her now that she thinks about it more.

Nomi sighs, melting at Amanita strong words of commitment. “I love you.”

Amanita lets go of some of her frustration when Nomi says those three words. “I love you too. Let’s go home.” She reaches for Nomi’s hand, taking it, and takes a step. She stops when Nomi doesn’t come with her. Amanita looks over her shoulder and Nomi is rooted to her spot. “What?” Amanita asks. She doesn’t see anything behind Nomi’s eyes. The girl is simply staring at her.

Nomi shakes her head in disbelief. “Home?”

“Yeah.” Amanita nods. She doesn’t get why Nomi is being so weird. “Let’s go back to your place. I’m done with this.” She frustrated and mad about what just happened and the high has completely worn off and she doesn’t want to be out in public anymore today.

Nomi focuses in on the fact that Amanita used the word _home_. Slowly, a smile takes shape. The softest, happiest of smiles. “Let’s go home.”

Amanita hails them a cab and they head back to Nomi’s place. Amanita takes her leg warmers off in the car. “Did you have a good time today?” The cab driver asks.

“Yes.” Nomi says.

“I guess.” Amanita isn’t as positive that she had a good time.

“You guess?” The cab driver asks.

Amanita shrugs. “I did. I really did. But something just happened that threw me for a loop. I don’t really want to talk about it but it really kinda put a damper on today.”

“Well, all I can say is don’t let one event ruin your whole day. Find the positives of the day and stick with those and forget about the rest.” The cab driver gives his advice.

“Yeah.” Amanita mumbles. She knows she should do that. She knows. But, there’s that little bit of anger and rage that simmers in her belly about the whole situation. Nomi puts her hand on Amanita’s knee, she can feel that the energy and mood that Amanita is giving off and it isn’t good.

They get to the apartment and Amanita flops down on the bed. Nomi comes over and takes hold of Amanita’s ankle. Amanita looks down. “What are you doing?”

“Shhhh.” Nomi hushes. She unties the shoe lace on Amanita’s right boot.

“Oh.” Amanita lets her head fall backwards onto the bed again. “Thanks.” She sighs and closes her eyes.

Nomi undoes the laces and then removes Amanita’s right boot before doing the same to the other. She kicks off her own shoes and crawls onto the bed on her hands and knees. She lays down next to Amanita, her right arm draped over Amanita’s stomach. “What a day?”

“My buzz has totally worn off.” Amanita mentions.

Nomi laughs. “Mine too.”

“I need a nap.” Amanita mumbles. She turns her head to the right, to look at Nomi.

Nomi smiles gently. “I would be up for that.”

* * *

 

Nomi wakes up first. She lays in her bed and watches her girlfriend sleep. Amanita’s lips are slightly parted, her eyes flicker lightly behind their lids. Nomi thinks she’s the luckiest girl in the whole world. She wonders how she got so lucky. How she got so lucky to get this strong, independent, outspoken, intelligent, brave, badass for a girlfriend. She supposes she should give all the credit to Amanita. She’s the one, after all, who pursued her in the first place. Nomi didn’t even want a relationship at the time, but Amanita persisted.

She traces her fingers up and down Amanita’s arm. Not meaning to wake her up, but just meaning to feel her and touch her and show her some love and affection. Nomi whispers. “I love you. And I think I always will.” She’s never really been a fan of the whole ‘saving the princess/damsel in distress troupe’ but after what happened today she feels it a little. Nomi can stand up for herself and most of the time she does. She has to. But today, Amanita jumped right in there before she could even say anything. It’s so remarkable to her, shocking even, that Amanita is the first person who has ever defended her so wholly, so openly, so fiercely.

“Neets.” She whispers. Nomi brings her hand up to Amanita’s face, cupping her cheek and rubbing her thumb lightly across Amanita’s lips. “Neets.” She whispers again, and this time Amanita starts to wake up. Nomi leans in and kisses those lips. “Thank you.” She whispers against Amanita’s lips.

Amanita wrinkles up her forehead and licks her lips. “What?” She mumbles sleepily.

“Thank you.” Nomi repeats.

Amanita opens her eyes. “For what?”

“For today. For all of it. That was the most fun I’ve ever had at the parade. That was- that was amazing. And then the brownies, oh god, what did we even do. I don’t remember all of it.” Amanita giggles and Nomi fucking loves the sound of that giggle. “Thank you for defending me.” She says softly.

Amanita smiles and reaches out. She tucks some hair behind Nomi’s ear. “You don’t need to thank me.” She strokes over Nomi’s ear with her thumb. “I was so mad. She’s an ignorant, entitled bitch. I did what needed to be done.”

“And I love you for it.” Nomi says.

“I love you too, honey.” Amanita puckers her lips for a kiss that Nomi meets her for.

“I’ll I ever wanted was to fit in.”

Amanita chuckles. “That’s funny, cuz I never wanted to fit in. I always wanted to be different, unique.”

Nomi nods. “Well, I’ve searched for that my whole life. And I never truly fit in anywhere. I’ve always had this feeling of being slightly off from fitting in. Like, it was only one thing about me that didn’t gel with other people. Not always the same thing, either. And today, what you did for me, it- it’s almost unbelievable for me. I don’t really know what else to say but thank you and I love you.”

“Aww, come here.” Amanita says and pulls Nomi into her body, wrapping her in a big hug.

Even though she never liked the whole save the princess troupe Nomi is going to reward her ‘savior’ for ‘saving’ her today. Nomi slips her knee between Amanita’s. “Thank you for today. It was one of the best days ever.” She says, sliding her hand down Amanita’s arm, past her waistline, slipping between her legs, cupping her.

“Oh.” Amanita is surprised. She opens herself up to Nomi, rolling onto her back.


End file.
